widowat33

Thank you for posting this. Sometimes it's hard to think that it will get easier, not necessarily better, but easier. Just the other day I was talking to a friend and told him that after a year everyone expects you to magically be "over it" or at least coping a lot better and I said that's not always how it goes. It's so hard to understand unless you've experienced a devastating loss as we have.

Sorry you are feeling f'ed up. Lately I've been wondering whether I could do a fwb situation. I'm not interested in a relationship, but it's been awhile since I've had sex and I do miss it. I think only you can answer whether it's a good idea or not. Dinner sounds nice though! My advice, for what it's worth, is go with your instinct. Do what feels right for you. Wishing you peace.

Haha, love this ^^ Thanks for making me smile Seriously though this happens so often. These scammers know exactly what to say, what to do, and how to get these people to trust them. From an outside perspective it's easy to say it's their own fault for sending the money, but I can understand how loneliness and a need to be loved can make you do things that you would normally never do. It's so sad that there are people in this world who are willing to do just about anything to swindle other people out of money.

Wow. That's amazing! So nice that she was able to bring you some peace, and I'm sure the feeling was mutual. I have often wondered how hard it must be to be a doctor or nurse telling the devastating news to the families, and the aftermath must weigh on their minds. The officer who told me my dh had died in the accident and I are friends and she confided that once you deliver the news you may never see those families again and she often wonders how they are doing. So I'm sure you have brought her some peace as well! Side note: Def Leppard was the very first concert I ever went to over 15 years ago, I wasn't overly familiar with them, I only knew a couple of their songs, but they did put on a great show!

((Donswife)) Sometimes the anniversaries aren't as bad as the build up to the day, or in some cases the day after. My counselor told me the firsts would be hard..I felt like saying "yes, of course but don't you understand every day is hard." After all we don't only think about them on those special days, but they are always on our minds, and the loss of them is always present, not just on Christmas, birthdays,etc.. I know personally I had more support on those "firsts" then the next day life was back to normal, well for everyone but me. Some days are simply just harder than others, also hoping for a better day for you tomorrow!

I am sorry that the bus stop moms are bitches. We have a few of those around here too, but instead of bus stop moms they are hockey moms. They form these little groups and if you aren't a part of it you aren't worth talking to. It actually used to bother me more when my dh was alive, but I knew that with his straight forward and opionated personality we would never fit in with these "cool parents". And really if we had to be fake and not ourselves why would I want to be a part of that? It still hurts to feel like you are not being included. One thing I've seen though in the past 8 years that my boys have played hockey is these little cliques breaking up, forming new ones. I just stay away from it all, I'm friendly but don't go out of my way. For the most part I can avoid them by sitting by myself hard to do at a bus stop though! Now as an adult it sucks to be treated that way, but my heart breaks for your kids. None of you deserve this. Would it really hurt them to snap a quick picture? I used to take hockey photos and send to the parents making sure that I got every single kids picture. It doesn't sound like jealousy, it sounds like the other parents are inconsiderate. Even when my kids are having friends over I make them keep hush about it in front of other kids, or if a friend calls here for one of them and they are at another friends house I just say they are out. I am so careful about hurting kids feelings, to the point where at birthday parties I have made my kids invite the entire class, mostly when they were younger. I do think kids need to deal with some disappointments, but I don't think it's necessary to keep throwing it in their faces. These conversations about play dates and plans could just as easily be done in private. Hopefully these 179 days go by quickly.

I remember wondering what purpose my life could possibly have without him. I still haven't answered that question after a year. But I can tell you with time the pain eases. There are still days that the littlest thing can become a trigger, but those days are fewer and farther apart. Just wanted to let you know I get it. Hugs

I can't really offer much more than what's already been written, but just wanted to say I get it. For the first month after my husband died, all I remember doing is sitting on my front porch chain smoking (bad habit). I don't remember anything else. I do remember thinking that I would always feel like I did at that time, but I was wrong. Now just over a year later I am much better, in fact some days I am doing well. There are still bad days, triggers, and memories that feel like they will tear me apart. I know now for certain that it will always hurt, but it won't always hurt so much or maybe we just adapt to the pain and learn to manage it. Mornings were hard for me as well, because it meant one more day without him, and I had to wake up to the reality that was my life.. I actually started a college program less than two months after he passed away. I had never went to college after high school, so 15 years later here I am a college student. I can honestly say it was the best decision I have made since being widowed. It helped me focus on something positive for the future, and got me out of the house when I would've been content to become a hermit Luckily I have an amazing group of supportive fellow students who have become friends that I would never have met otherwise. You are still so fresh in this journey, sending you hugs!

My oldest is also going into seventh grade. He's always been my moodier kid. More sensitive and more prone to hold a grudge. Puberty, hormones all that fun stuff. Being the oldest and losing their father tends to make them feel as though they are the man of the house, at least mine does, every so often I have to remind him that I am the adult not him. Mine is more prone to fight with his brother rather than me, and my youngest is always up for a fight! I wish he would just give him space like yours do. It is a hard stage in life for them, they aren't kids but they aren't grown ups either, kind of in that in between stage. That doesn't give them excuses to be assholes either, but a little space and understanding can help. 5'10? Holy crap, he's a tall boy!

Yay! Your patience has paid off. Great news

Got it! I'm on chapter two..haven't had much time for reading. Are we going to discuss by chapter? I've never been part of a book club before but have read books intended for them and usually at the back there is a series of questions to answer once you've read all of the book...

Yes. I miss that too. There's been so many things that have happened and all I could think of was telling him about it, or laughing with him about certain things. He was the one person who truly got me, and vice versa. Planning and talking about our future, the things we were going to do, places we were going to go... I think I miss our "bitchfests" the most,lol, we would complain about someone or something and just feed off of each other! It even got to the point where I had him disliking someone he didn't even know, just based on my dislike for her,haha. But yeah I get it and it sucks!

Haven't gotten my book yet..should be here soon though. I will try to catch up!

Ugh school,lol. Just kidding, I actually enjoy going to school, but I'm sad at the same time to go back. I have had four months off, I go back in two weeks. I am taking mental health and addictions, I love the program and most of the classes. Good luck!

I have always struggled with low self esteem. Being with my dh helped, he made me feel beautiful, but at the back of my mind there was still those thoughts of not being thin enough, not being pretty enough, etc.. When he passed away I was right back where I started, hating myself and having those same thoughts of never being able to find someone again. It has been a long process, but I'm finally starting to like myself again. The things I say to myself are things I would never say to someone else, so I am learning to be kinder to myself. As far as ever attracting someone again, I'm not at the point where I want to, yet. But thinking about it why would I want to be with someone who cannot see the beauty inside? Someone who is so shallow that they would pass me by because I'm not model gorgeous. I wish I could help you with your self esteem, but I can't. All I can tell you, is sometimes you have to love yourself, flaws and all, before you can expect anyone else to. "If you can't love me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." This is my motto. If you have the chance watch the dove clip on YouTube..I forget what it's called but it's the one where the sketch artist draws the women based on their own description and then again based on other peoples description of them. It's truly beautiful and makes you realize that we are our own worst enemies! Wishing you peace

Aw, poor kid. Very unprofessional of this teacher, but I do agree with serpico. Best to stay calm, and level headed when approaching these kind of circumstances. Personally inside I would be steaming though!

Book is ordered, should be here on the 24th. I start back to school in September, so really hoping I can keep up!

Oh there has been so many things that have happened that my first thought is "I've got to tell him about this", and then I remember I can't. I also wonder what he would think about certain things, at times I can even imagine his response. It's difficult when for years you had that sounding board, the one person you told everything to, and now they are gone. At night I still tell him I will always love him as I had for the last 15 years, and now I add in how much I miss him. Sorry for your scattered mind. Hugs

((Brokenheart2))

Just noticed this thread. Is it too late to join? I can order the book in the morning, but it may take a few days to get here..I don't live close to any bookstores

Great points Mike. They can be contested and are in no way 100% guaranteed to provide the outcome you desired. My uncles estate was definitely an example of this. He was unmarried and childless and he wishes were to leave it all to his nieces and nephews, the children of his siblings, and there were quite a few. However because of the wording in his will one sister contested it, stating the wording implied ALL living descendants of his siblings, which would include their children, grandchildren and great grandchildren. So at the very end of it all we each received around $200, I would have preferred to see just the nieces and nephews (my father) receive a higher amount as my uncle wanted. Of course it caused rifts between all the siblings as well. My lawyer also advised me that if I were to remarry or any other life changes occur, to update or revise my will.

Both you and Pru are in my thoughts.

I was reading about melatonin before, as I'm worried if I ask for sleeping meds I won't wake up if I need to, like if the kids need me through the night. Reassuring to know that with melatonin you can be woken up easily.. Night time is definitely worse for me. I think I keep myself busy throughout the day, busy enough that it's not on my mind all the time. I also got the news through the night, so I think there might be an association there. I try to stay conscious of the fact that it's happened, it's in the past, and try to ground myself in the present, but sometimes I'm not that successful at doing that. I have also been a night owl all of my life, it's just lately lack of sleep has been catching up with me. I am still able to function, take care of myself, my kids, the house, etc..but I feel zapped of energy most of the time. I start back to school soon, I am hoping with getting into a better schedule it will improve. If it doesn't I might take the advice of seeing a therapist who can help me work through this. Thanks for the advice, input, just for listening

I kept putting it off, and in some ways I'm glad I did. I don't think I could've handled everything as well earlier on, but I'm so relieved to have that initial appointment over, will be more relieved to have it all finished! We actually had just bought our house a year before he died, and did have mortgage insurance, I think our bank automatically signed us up for it when we took our mortgage. My sister and bil both went to get life insurance after my dh died. I also strongly advise for life insurance as well. My lawyer also mentioned to not specifically name my children as beneficiaries, but state any children, as he pointed out I am young and could remarry and have more children. I laughed and said that was not in the plan, but as we all know plans don't always work out the way we want them to, I certainly didn't plan on the life I have now JustJen- the will part was pretty easy, the only info they need is who you want to oversee everything and who gets what. I just said to split it evenly amongst my children. I think you can do your own will, I've heard of will kits, but personally I like the fact that it is legally documented by going through a lawyer..I might change my mind once I get my bill!

I would've loved to have seen that I'm sure it didn't take them long to get the hell outta there! That definitely made me laugh, thanks