momtokam Posted November 13, 2016 Author Share Posted November 13, 2016 So.....I decided to try POF after shutting down my previous profile on OKC. I went out with a friend last night and he mentioned it. I tried a short profile, just to see what would happen. It leads with.... "This should be interesting! I have been told that this site leads to actual relationships. I am not convinced! Care to prove me wrong? I love to laugh and banter....It feeds my soul! Are you up for the challenge?" And this is what I get..... "As a Teacher you would have a basic understanding of psych - to have a negative as your preamble and indicate a reverse onus that someone else here prove otherwise... would that attract the man with qualities in which you seek... one of which being intelligent...? Something to consider... all the best..." And this was my reply.... "I see you have not taken my preamble in the lighthearted, humourous, and flirty nature that it was intended. You can't please everyone. Pointing out someone's "flaws", which you have done before to me, on other sites, is not a way to attract the woman with qualities in which you seek... Good luck in your search." Sigh.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
First Widow Posted November 13, 2016 Share Posted November 13, 2016 Someone here mentioned POF last week and it's the site I've had the most luck with in my area, but I have also attracted my share guys who want to tell me what I'm doing wrong. LOL It makes it easy to weed out the messages...I just block anyone with that attitude. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
klim Posted November 13, 2016 Share Posted November 13, 2016 So nice of them to critique your profile for you.... not! .Yeah I occasionally read a profile that is so extreme and I have an opinion but I just think wow and move on. When I first went on line I did have quite a lengthy and detailed back and forth with one guy that although he didn't critique my profile started laying in to me about how I was responding during our texting conversation. It became amazingly heated....after that I realized I was wasting too much emotional energy defending my responses.I now walk away from those who judge, without knowing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trying2breathe Posted November 13, 2016 Share Posted November 13, 2016 momtokam The new profile is cute, a refreshing change from the ordinary I think. What an a** to critique it - loved your response! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted November 13, 2016 Share Posted November 13, 2016 Well said, trying2 ... I agree. momto - I thought your profile was great and wished I'd come up with something witty like that! Sheesh. Is it a dating site or a literary critique class (says the university prof lol)? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momtokam Posted November 13, 2016 Author Share Posted November 13, 2016 Thanks ladies. This same gentleman (using the term loosly) attacked my 12 reasons not to meet me profile on Match, which I posted right before my membership expired. He obviously has zero sense of humour! POF does seem to be a busier site here. I've been inundated with messages. No time to go through them all! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted November 14, 2016 Share Posted November 14, 2016 Sounds like a good problem to have, momto! I think I mentioned this elsewhere but I realized early into my dates with NG that I was woefully unprepared to date. I had been off the scene (and not really on it, to tell the truth) for about 25 years (across two marriages and widow experiences). I decided to start reading and subscribing to dating advice. I watch videos by Matthew Hussey, many of which are quite funny, but that offer interesting food for thought on how to connect in this dating thing. One point he mentions is having options, so momto, the fact that you've got a number of hits is right in line with the so-called experts. It gives you choices and you get to decide who you will talk to and who you won't. Go, girl! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobFTC Posted November 14, 2016 Share Posted November 14, 2016 "As a Teacher you would have a basic understanding of psych - to have a negative as your preamble and indicate a reverse onus that someone else here prove otherwise... would that attract the man with qualities in which you seek... one of which being intelligent...? Something to consider... all the best..." momtokam, I thought your quip was good - what a doofus. I've seen some multi-paragraph rants about how much some women hate the site and why. The good news is that clicking "next" on those profiles is no harder than on any others! :-) Take care, Rob T Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobFTC Posted November 15, 2016 Share Posted November 15, 2016 I have to share this ... I woke up this morning to a new message that contained this: "I have discovered during my two days as a OKC member that this site has lots of creepy guys who send pictures and messages that make me want to abandon OKC completely. It was refreshing to come across your profile. (You´ve restored my faith in finding cool people through sites like this. :-) " Good living pays off sometimes? :-) Take care, Rob T Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trying2breathe Posted November 15, 2016 Share Posted November 15, 2016 Well done, Rob - what a great way to start the day! Would definitely boost my ego a bit to get a message like that! Is there a date being arranged out of this? I think I'll check out the advice videos you mentioned, arneal. I'm woefully lacking in modern day dating skills. Like texting etiquette - yikes! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobFTC Posted November 15, 2016 Share Posted November 15, 2016 Well done, Rob - what a great way to start the day! Would definitely boost my ego a bit to get a message like that! Is there a date being arranged out of this? I'd like that :-), she's easy on the eyes as well. But it could take a little while with all I currently have going on and Thanksgiving around the corner. Take care, Rob T Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted November 15, 2016 Share Posted November 15, 2016 tryingto - Matthew Hussey offers a number of texting suggestions. His videos are free on Youtube but he of course has paid stuff. Part of it, especially once you've made a connection, is to work on your conversation skills. I know for me, that was one of the hardest. I am an only child who grew into a twice widowed woman. Despite a career in education, I don't do well with cross-the-table-talk generally. it helped me learn how to break the ice and be prepared for our time together. I am much more comfortable now after these months but I still continue to read a lot of information to stay ahead of the curve a bit Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trying2breathe Posted November 16, 2016 Share Posted November 16, 2016 arneal MH does have some good texting videos, thank you for sharing this. Handsome guy that I briefly dated was heavily into texting and I was not. I now think that I should have been more responsive to his texts ..... sigh. Rob She sounds like she's worth the wait! It is a difficult time of year to start dating, isn't it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imissdow Posted November 17, 2016 Share Posted November 17, 2016 Watched a couple of those videos. Thankfully I'm much better at texting than I used to be. I think that has really helped me date better. When I first started dating again I hated texting. Now I text more then I call and I'm getting more flirty with them. Still have always to go. Need to go watch a few more. Typically I meet these really needy guys and it becomes a real turn off really quick.I would think it's the same for them. Being really busy has been a blessing in some ways makes it easy for me to not have time to worry about if it takes longer to return a text. Got a text from the guy I met on Sunday from okcupid He asked what I was up to told him honestly I was out shopping and didn't have time to meet him. I did make time for a phone call. I think we're planning a second date on Friday, least that's what he said tonight and I gave him very few choices if he wanted to see me again. So far so good. We will see what happens but I'm feeling pretty good about all of this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sdarrah1130 Posted November 17, 2016 Share Posted November 17, 2016 When I started dating NG, we texted A LOT!!! Over 10,000 texts in the first month-6weeks. We played the "would you rather" game to get to know each other. Ex: Would you rather beer or wine, would you rather steak or seafood, would you rather casual cup of coffee or formal date..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momtokam Posted November 18, 2016 Author Share Posted November 18, 2016 Entire first message...... "Uh" Not even sure what that means! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted November 18, 2016 Share Posted November 18, 2016 momto - your profile was too intellectual for that reader ;D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momtokam Posted November 20, 2016 Author Share Posted November 20, 2016 Soooo.... Talked on the phone with someone Friday during the day. He asked to meet for a coffee on Saturday afternoon and I agreed. He said he would text to confirm plans. Heard nothing until Saturday 9:30 pm. I didn't reply until early this morning. Told him my day was busy (described my legitimate reaons) but I could meet around 1pm. Heard nothing until 12:10 when he said he could meet today as he was off work. At this point I'm in the middle of other things and offered 4pm and a nice place to meet. At 1:15 I get....I am going to the gym.I've no idea when I will be done Seriously? I replied perhaps another time....I was being polite. I wanted to just say Bye Bye! Sigh..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted November 20, 2016 Share Posted November 20, 2016 Yeah, momto -- that's messed up for a first meeting opportunity. I mean, life intervenes, but if a person wants to do something, he or she will make time to at least communicate in a reasonable time frame! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trying2breathe Posted November 21, 2016 Share Posted November 21, 2016 momtokam Indeed, sigh .... what's he thinking? I don't know that I would have been able to be as polite. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
First Widow Posted November 21, 2016 Share Posted November 21, 2016 Oh goodness Momtokam! I don't think I would have been as polite either, although I would appreciate the major heads up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
klim Posted November 26, 2016 Share Posted November 26, 2016 ok I'm an extrovert, I can talk easily with all sorts of people. I'm relaxed in conversation and can talk with a ditch digger, a doctor ,a new immigrant or a car salesmen with equal ease. So when I go out for meet and greets I have a hard time judging how things went because I enjoy the art of conversation. If they can converse then I had a good time.....but it doesn't necessarily mean I think they are boyfriend material. Last night I was on a meet and greet that went past the meet and greet stage and turned into dinner. we conversed for 4 hrs, it was a nice night out..... He's already said we should go out again. I'm sure I'd have another pleasant evening....but I can't figure out whether it could grow into more.... am I supposed to be able to tell?....do you go with the flow and see??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virgo Posted November 26, 2016 Share Posted November 26, 2016 Klim, I would just go with the flow and see where it goes. If you enjoyed his company why not go out again? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momtokam Posted November 26, 2016 Author Share Posted November 26, 2016 I am very much like you klim. I can talk to anyone and it can get longer than expected without realizing, very easily sometimes. I take that as a positive. That is one hurdle you have jumped. You two can commicate well together. If it was a fun night, go out again. See if you get any more indications that he could become boyfriend material. I try to give it a second go if the first meet was pleasant but no sparks flew right away. Sometimes sparks flew the second time and sometimes not. You can then decide. It's hard to know sometimes and more time may be needed. It really depends on the people and personalities involved. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted November 26, 2016 Share Posted November 26, 2016 Was this a first meeting? That's a bit quick to get into the boyfriend frame of mind. The thing is, it's easy to start feeling for someone and getting caught up in those feelings can lead to heartbreak if that person doesn't feel the same way. Take it easy, as best you can. I agree that good conversation is a fabulous start. The fact that he wants to see you again is absolutely a bonus. The deal is to take it one date at a time and see what happens. My first online dating thing was weird because I started having feelings for someone I didn't know at all. I was caught up in the moment and he was fraud. I made sure when I met NG that I kept myself in check. We've been together for about six months now and it's all good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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