On line dating vents and laughs......

[momtokam]

I got punked and am feeling rather foolish. I was emailing this guy who seemed perfect on the site. Then he wanted to start texting. I did my homework first -- Google image searches on his profile pics and several text searches of his verbiage plus a quick phone number search; they were all clean. So I agreed and we spent the entire day engaged in a text conversation. We must have exchanged 500 texts. He had me fooled with his vocabulary, his story was flawless, he definitely is local because he knows all the spots, schedules, nuances, etc of the neighborhood. I kept thinking this guy is too good to be true. Then something he said gave me pause. First thing this morning I asked him to send a selfie doing something specific, a hostage photo if you will. Crickets. Of course he can't produce the photo because he's not really the guy in the profile pics. What a fool I am. But what gives? What is his M.O? I. Give. Up.

 

Don't feel foolish, even though it is hard not to. It has happened to me. Many of these scammers/fakes are really good at it. They try to build your trust with what they say and what they know.

 

They may not all be after money. Some may indeed be local but just want to lure you into sexting or phone sex. Some may be married. They are always too good to be true.  They can't show their real face as it's not them. Asking for a photo of them doing something is the best way to see if they are real. I'm glad you did this and I hope it was before you wasted too much time on him. I have mentioned this trick here before. Everyone with doubts should use this. Honest/real people will not have an issue doing this. I wish I knew this trick in my early on line dating days. Would have saved me lots of time!

 

I  hated that I  became cynical of messages I received that seemed too good to be true.  I am by nature, a very trusting person, always feeling that what I see is real. Why wouldn't it be? Well, I've learned that is not always the case with on line dating.

 

[Portside]

So I agreed and we spent the entire day engaged in a text conversation. We must have exchanged 500 texts.

 

(snip)

 

What is his M.O? I. Give. Up.

 

Further proof that my deeply held belief that texting is not communication is valid.

 

Don't feel bad you got sucked in. No harm done, you just wasted the day, that's all. That IS his M.O. by the way. To engage with women and text the stuffing out of them for a day or so until they get wise is the whole point of his exercise.

 

Voice to voice communication is good but nothing takes the place of face to face. Tone is damn near impossible to convey through texting. What you gain in convenience you lose in understanding/nuance.

 

Good luck - it's a jungle out there. Mike 

 

 

[Momtojandj]

Received an email today , should've known when he said he keeps getting blocked by girls on the site . When he asked if I'm a good kisser, told him odd first choice of first question. He then responded , I won't use actual  words as to not offend anyone but had to do with oral sex. Um ok next ... Told him go away lol

[Guest nonesuch]

Meh. Once I had a phone conversation at 9 a.m. to set up a meeting at noon.

 

No call, no show.  Thankfully, I had asked that he call me when he got to the neighborhood, rather than waiting at the restaurant.

 

I emailed him that evening. He told me he'd called and when it went straight to voicemail, he "knew" I wasn't going to show.  The problem was, he was lying.  My phone never rang, no phone call was missed or logged. I thought hey, cell phones aren't perfect, would he like to try for a meeting again?  No, he told me, he'd moved on.

 

A year or so later he answered my ad again.  I reminded him we'd almost met before, but he blew me off.  Yeah, he wrote, sometimes he does that because (wait for it) he doesn't like being rejected.

 

I think I refrained from actually calling him an asshole, but I sure thought it.

[Guest TalksToAngels]

Edited

[momtokam]

Low and behold, I have some tidbits to add here!

 

Today has been an intersting day! I have been sick for a week and booked today off work to try and get better. It was also very entertaining!

 

My suspected loan shark "gentleman" who was looking for photos, emailed me last night, asking me to text him. It's been 6 weeks since I heard from him. I could have ignored it but thought this could get entertaining. I was right! I told him he had my number and why didn't he text me? He kept begging me to text him. I called him out on going poof,  forgetting my name, and my number. Today I get a text. I asked where he found it. He said in an email I sent. Wrong, I never emailed him my number.  He also found/remembered my name somewhere. Still he is begging for pictures.  I gave him a little reminder about what I'm all about and probably not what he is looking for. I assume he has gone poof again! Hopefully!!!

 

A friend mentioned the Bumble app to me. It's similar to Tinder but once you match, only the female can initiate contact and it must be within 24 hrs. I thought I would explore it. There are a few issues with it for me. I can't set my correct age and it keeps putting me back to 18! I explain in my profile that I'm 51 and can't seem to fix it! Well I poked around anyway, not expecting any matches. I search for 45-56. I assume they would not be searching for 18. I swipe for a few, some I've seen before on other sites, some new to me. Don't I get a match? Someone I matched with on Tinder, who I had messaged, and who never replied. I message for fun, not expecting a response. I did get a response. Cordial hello and then "18?" I answered back with a laugh and explanation and jokingly ask why he is searching for 18 yr olds. No reponse back! 

 

Then I get a private message from meetups. Model looking photo, new in town,  wants to meet people and be social. Hometown says Las Vegas, location shows Buffalo.  The message came in the evening. The message started with "Good morning". Sigh......the scammers are following me everywhere!

 

And here I thought I wouldn't have any new entertainment for you all! 😁

 

[mo12]

I haven't read through much of this thread but looking forward to hilarity:)  And sometimes just frustration!!  I keep my profile hidden so I can choose who I get in contact with but I still seem to choose some doozies... One guy asked as the first question whether I want more kids... I joked that maybe we should chat a bit first... then no reply.  Actually I do want more kids but not if you're only interested in my uterus.  Thank you and good bye.  ???

[Portside]

. . .  Actually I do want more kids but not if you're only interested in my uterus.

 

I'm going to go out on a limb here - believe me, he doesn't have the least bit of interest in your uterus. 

 

Mike

[Guest TalksToAngels]

Ya think ?

[mo12]

Haha.  A bit socially awkward in any case. 

[Missmybecky]

Haha.  A bit socially awkward in any case.

 

I do not like those kind of questions, they just seem awkward. Many of the dates that I have had from women that I have met online ask me if I want more kids and if I want to get married again. Those questions right off the bat are such a put off!

[Forgottenwife]

Haha.  A bit socially awkward in any case.

 

I do not like those kind of questions, they just seem awkward. Many of the dates that I have had from women that I have met online ask me if I want more kids and if I want to get married again. Those questions right off the bat are such a put off!

 

I am glad you shared this view as I did not realize this could be off putting. To me, I know for sure I do not want more children. This will not change. I see these questions as a quick measure of possible compatibility. I once met and chatted with a man that wanted marriage and children. I may have enjoyed many, many things about him, but if we dated, I would simply be wasting his time.

[kjs1989]

The on-line thing is rough for sure. I ended up hiding my profile so I could have complete control on who I communicated with. Got weary of the weirdos very quickly. Not everyone will bite of course, but it was a chance I was willing to take. It worked out quite well actually, and that is how I met NG. I just went for someone that I was mildly attracted to, was employed, and could write a sentence decently. We laugh now, because of course guys are very visual, so when he received my email with the tiny picture that was still visible even with the hidden profile, he did all he could do to blow it up for a better look! After a couple of emails I played fair and emailed him some photos.

 

I know it is discouraging. I think I was willing to keep at because I knew of several friends with success stories, so I knew it could   be done. I do think demographics and geography play into it, and that was a bit rough for me because  the area where I live can be slim pickins' for educated, up and coming types! Ha. I had better luck when I looked toward the Chicago area, but a situation like that was just not going to work for me distance wise at that point.

 

I think what we need to remember is, we are nice people, that means there are other nice people out there looking for us!  We just have to find each other and it is  hard! NG had his horror stories, too. He told me about being catfished twice, hook, line, and sinker! But, thankfully, he also kept at it with an open ( if at times discouraged) mind and eventually we found each other.

 

Hang in there!

 

[RobFTC]

I ended up hiding my profile so I could have complete control on who I communicated with.

 

It seems like you might do about as well by almost completely ignoring inbound traffic, leaving your profile visible, and making a point to contact guys you like.  That all seems like a fine idea, knowing the cesspool guys' attempts to reach out tend to come from :-)

 

Take care,

Rob T

[kjs1989]

Rob, I didn't feel right ignoring people--- and to be honest, the slew of "incoming" was overwhelming and I just didn't want to deal once the creepos came into the mix.  They ruined the fun to be honest, and made me uneasy, but yet I still was open to meeting a nice person, if just as a new friend. I was lucky, I will admit. I think the hidden profile may be more likely to work for a gal than a guy because most people understand a woman's concerns about privacy and safety and might take a chance. And who knows, I may have missed out on meeting some nice guys, too.

[Captains wife]

Sometimes its hard to know when a scammer is circling....sometimes it is so clear (only 1 pic, looks like a model, bad spelling, grammar, claims to be a widower, tries to get personal info out of you too soon) but sometimes its so hard to tell. Today I received an email from a nice looking guy who was 57 (outside my age range) but his pics looked like he was 25, seriously. Then he admits in his profile how he lied about his age on his profile (it says 54 but his text write-up admits to his true age of 57)  Then he wrote me a very long eloquent email about how he happened to me moving to the town next to mine, how he happens to be in Boston frequently (which I am), how he too is looking for a long-term relationship, he happened to travel to all the places listed in my profile, how he happened to also work in finance, how my profile "inspired" him. I don't know....something just felt off....so I deleted that one. I only re-joined Match recently out of pure boredom but my radar just feels so off after my last 2 relationships. Even the nice guys give me pause....I enjoyed online dating before but now it feels tiring and like a huge game.

[Joey]

Sometimes its hard to know when a scammer is circling....claims to be a widower

 

Widower.... just curious why that claim would be made... Is this actually a coveted thing in online-dating circles?

[Captains wife]

I have had this issue before - but I saw through it, easily. The guy was a clear scammer in my case. Certain scammers online dating have adopted the widower status to play the sympathy card. Its really sick.....But unfortunately there are also a lot of widows/widowers online : ( I try and give people the benefit of the doubt but I have seen it happen and its scary that people do this so I am ultra cautious.

[momtokam]

CW, So sorry you are dealing with this too. I really thought it was me, giving off some weird vibe to scammers to come find me.

 

I've hid my profiles for now.  I was really disappointed.

 

I give all the nice guys the benefit of the doubt, but I have been wrong every time this round!

 

Sending commiserating hugs to you.😊

[momtokam]

Sometimes its hard to know when a scammer is circling....claims to be a widower

 

Widower.... just curious why that claim would be made... Is this actually a coveted thing in online-dating circles?

 

Yes, widower, new in town/area, charming.....

Most of mine have been some kind of engineer or gold merchant!

 

It's the sympathy play for sure...so sad because it makes the real widowers who are engineers suspicious!

[RobFTC]

I'm an engineer, but I don't lay pipe! :-)

 

Take care,

Rob T

[Missmybecky]

I am an Engineer and I design pipelines, what's the big deal?

[BrokenHeart2]

Rob and MMB you are too funny!!

[Captains wife]

I hate the ghosting that goes on, on dating sites. Some guy contacted me last week (cute, professional), we emailed back and forth a few times and he seemed very eager to meet up for drinks. We were supposed to meet tonight so I emailed him yesterday to check in and sort out plans....I could tell he read my email but no response (so rude!!) .....Since I had to change my train schedule, sort out babysitting to plan this date I was pretty annoyed. So I blocked him and planned a new date with a new man. NEXT !

[Captains wife]

One of the more odd but funny emails I received last night - "Your profile left me speechless. Maybe that's more appropriately termed mind-numb-cant think of- anything-clever-to-say. This might take some time for me to write something (ignoring the fact I just wrote this...)"

 

Thought I could make a few people smile today...Ill keep 'em coming.