For those in budding relationships ...

[arneal]

Thanks, MrsDan and Trying2 ... my mom's family are like that. She didn't mean any harm but they don't do well talking about serious issues. It felt quite dismissive and so I need to just step away and deal with things in my own way without expecting much from them. Fortunately I have other things to occupy my time

[arneal]

On a lighter note, sort of, it's June, which means this weekend is Father's Day and next weekend is NGs birthday. My newest neurotic concern is not going overboard on celebrating I love looking for unique gifts and have what I think is a nice bunch of stuff for his birthday, including some British chocolate bars (he did his DNA earlier this year and discovered he has a heavy British history). I mentioned that I was willing to cook jerk chicken for Father's Day and am wondering if he'll take me up on making it a 'family' thing with his daughter and her boyfriend. I settled my mind that if he doesn't, I will send him home with a bunch of food because I have planned to make enough for more than just the two of us.

 

For those of you in budding or committed situations with men who are dads, what are you doing for them this weekend?

[tybec]

Father's day.  A bit of a landmine.  I let my son decide what to do.  His father.  We have planned special days, me and him alone all these years.

 

NG has two sons.  He does not have them that week, but gets them Sunday for Father's Day.  My son does not want to do anything with them, which is fine.

 

His birthday was Wed., NG's.  Had dinner with him and his boys, his mother and my son last night.  Gave him a gift certificate to an indoor shooting range.  WE have talked about going shooting together sometime, but he can go and release some stress on his own.  WE decided no gifts this Christmas, but to do an experience together.  We haven't planned the experience for our birthdays ( mine was in April).  He still got me flowers and took me out to eat back then.

 

Got him a cheesy dad t-shirt and nice card and snuck it in his truck before I left last night.  I like to do little things like that. His boys will think the t-shirt is funny.  They are still little guys.

[trying2breathe]

Planning on spending Father's Day morning with NG, the New York Times and coffee sitting poolside. Hoping that the weather cooperates.  NG has two daughters and both live far, so he's pretty much on his own on Sunday.  Didn't get him any gifts, as we're still very much at the budding relationship stage.  Wish I could spend more of the day with him, but I'm hosting a BBQ for my Dad later in the afternoon.

 

 

arneal  Jerk chicken, yum!  I lived in Kingston, Jamaica for 2 years and loved the food there.  Would you consider sharing your recipe? 

[arneal]

Hi, trying2 -- I've never been to Jamaica but would like to go one day I'll post the recipe below for the chicken and dirty rice. One thing I'm guilty of is messing with recipes; never just leave it as-is, so I encourage you to switch up any ingredients you want to see what happens. You'll see my notes as well.

 

I messaged NG early in the day yesterday and cooked in the afternoon. I took it over to his place as his daughter was taking him to breakfast today (I think that's her go-to ... I remember her taking him to breakfast last year for his birthday) and while his daughter and her boyfriend didn't sit and eat with us (primarily because NG was ready to eat as soon as I hit the door and didn't call them and two because they were off to the pool), they did have some and everyone enjoyed it. NG and I watched TV, talked, and played a game (called the Irrational Game -- it has the potential to be fun, but has some issues. Supported it on Indiegogo). It was a good day. Interestingly he had given me the option of cooking yesterday or today and shared that he has to go out of town for work on Monday, so I said I'd do it yesterday so he could get rest today. However, I didn't leave his house until about 3 am and he said he might come over to my house today. Too funny.

 

Anyway, on to the recipes!

 

Jerk Chicken based on a SimpyRecipes.com recipe

Ingredients:

1/2 cup white vinegar

2 Tbsp dark rum (I don't drink rum very often so I used cooking sherry this go; I've also used whiskey)

2 Scotch bonnet peppers (or habaneros), with seeds, chopped (my market seemed to have stopped selling scotch bonnets; I found out that they are sweeter and hotter than habaneros, but habaneros work very well)

1 red onion, chopped

4 green onion tops, chopped

1 Tbsp dried thyme or 2 Tbsp fresh thyme leaves, chopped

2 Tbsp olive oil

2 teaspoons salt

2 teaspoons freshly ground black pepper

4 teaspoons ground allspice

4 teaspoons ground cinnamon

4 teaspoons ground nutmeg

4 teaspoons ground ginger (I didn't have any ground ginger so I subbed 2 extra teaspoons allspice and 2 extra teaspoons nutmeg)

2 teaspoons molasses (I always use real Maple syrup)

1 (5 or 6 pound) roasting chicken, cut in half, lengthwise

1/2 cup lime juice (I've used lemon juice or squeezed real lemon)

Salt and pepper

 

1 Put vinegar, rum, hot peppers, onion, green onion tops, thyme, olive oil, salt, pepper, allspice, cinnamon, nutmeg, ginger, and molasses into a blender. Pulse until mostly smooth.

2 Place chicken in a large freezer bag. Pour lemon juice over the chicken and coat well. Add the jerk paste to the chicken pieces and coat well. Seal the bag . Refrigerate overnight. (I refrigerate for two days)

3 To cook the chicken, remove chicken from the marinade bag. Put the remaining marinade into a small saucepan. Bring to a boil, reduce heat and simmer for 10 minutes. Set aside to use as a basting sauce for the chicken. Make a sauce for serving by using the remaining marinade after it's cooked by adding ketchup and a bit of soy sauce; I put in enough to cool it down a little and give it a slightly different flavor.

 

Dirty rice (based on a picysouthernkitchen.com recipe

Ingredients

1 (14-ounce) can chicken broth

1 bay leaf

1 1/2 cups long-grain rice

1 tablespoon bacon grease or Vegetable oil

1/2 pound ground beef (I used ground turkey and just added a bit of extra black pepper when browning it)

1 medium onion, chopped (I used a sweet onion)

1 celery rib, chopped

1/2 green bell pepper, seeded and chopped

1/2 cup finely chopped chicken livers (I cooked off the remainder of the liver to give to my dogs because the container has much more than a half-cup )

2 cloves garlic, minced (since I was using a garlic press, I used three cloves)

1/2 teaspoon salt

2 teaspoons Cajun Seasoning, I like Tony Chachere's

1/4 teaspoon dried thyme

Instructions

Set aside 1/2 cup of the chicken broth and pour remaining chicken broth in a medium saucepan. Add 1 1/2 cups water and bay leaf. Bring to boil. Add rice, cover and cook 20 minutes.

Heat bacon grease in a cast iron Dutch oven (used my T-Fal Dutch oven as I only have cast iron pans). Add ground beef and crumble it with a wooden spoon.

Once the ground beef is crumbled, add onion, celery, and green pepper. Cook stirring occasionally until beef is no longer pink and vegetables are softened. Add chicken livers and garlic and continue to cook 5 minutes.

Add salt, Cajun seasoning, and thyme.

Add reserved chicken broth and scrape the bottom of the pan to release all the brown pieces. Let simmer 1 minute.

Remove bay leaf from rice and add rice to Dutch oven. Stir it into the ground beef mixture. Keep the heat on while you stir. Once it is combined well, remove from heat.

 

Once we sat down to eat, we used some of the sauce from the jerk chicken on the rice.

 

Would love to hear if anyone tries these recipes and how you enjoyed them! If you don't like spicy foods, you can probably just not use the peppers in the chicken recipe, but it won't be jerk chicken

[trying2breathe]

arneal  Glad that Father's Day was a good day for you all.  NG and I enjoyed morning by the pool and got in some jacuzzi time.  I had to prepare for an afternoon BBQ with my Dad, so he left and I spent a few hours searching for rhubarb to make an apple & berry pie.  Discovered that rhubarb around here is almost impossible to find but was happy to finally track some down.  Thanks so much for the jerk & rice recipe, I'll definitely prepare it soon and let you know how it goes.  We love spicy around here so shouldn't be a problem using any of those ingredients.  I remember well the scotch bonnet peppers in Jamaica, they are some of the hottest around but habeneros would work well too.  Just thinking that maybe we should start a recipe/cooking topic 

 

 

On another note - NG are getting along really well, but still I don't want to be in a committed relationship.  I was intrigued by a free weekend on one of the on-line dating sites so messed around there and was tempted by some of the profiles.  I created a profile but didn't post a pic, but am thinking that maybe I will.  I realize it's a long shot to try and find somebody on-line, and I have the matchmaking service that I'm working with too.  Just feel like I need to check it all out before getting into a committed relationship.  Ughhh - this is difficult.  I feel like it's heartbreak waiting to happen and I feel badly about it.    NG - guess I should loosely use this term - is a great guy that I love being with. He realizes that I'm not yet ready to commit but so far he's waited.  I expected to find a fun person to hang out with but not get so deeply into emotions at this point.  He's asked me several times to be his "girlfriend" and so far I've said no.  The thought of breaking things off with him is not something that I want to consider.  This is very junior high I realize - anybody else go through something similar?

[arneal]

Yes, trying2, please let me know how the recipes show up. Hey -- a recipe post might be a good one!

 

I definitely think I am the junior high one in this thing with NG. I would love to be in a voiced committed relationship. That said, I believe we are committed but that my view is different than his of what committed means He's referred to me as 'his lady' and 'the person he is seeing' in casual references but I don't know if he uses 'girlfriend' when talking to anyone. Or if I get mentioned at all. I almost wrote those three powerful little words in a text message yesterday; his daughter bailed on taking him to breakfast and he wasn't sure if she was going to take him to dinner but was really feeling down in the dumps about the situation, so much so he just wanted to stay in rather than get together. We hadn't made formal plans anyway (he had to leave today for that business trip plus it's hot as blazes to be out and about anyway) but were texting and he was apologizing for not being in the best of moods. I pulled it in and told him that there was no need to apologize, sent two kiss emojis instead, told him to drive safely, and that we would connect when he got back at the end of the week. Sucks if he's miserable since next Monday is his birthday.

 

So yeah, my junior high thing is a bit different

[trying2breathe]

arneal  Sounds like it's a committed relationship and he's just not voicing it.  Maybe it's not his style.  My NG uses old term phrases like girlfriend, as he's in his mid-50's and doesn't know any different.  Last week he asked me to come over to watch Netflix and chill, and had no idea what that term today really means.  Dating is so much more complicated, many more factors involved as well as past history for both of us.  I'm not sure if he talks about me with his kids, I have no choice as mine are home with me right now.  So yeah ... we're in different situations yet somehow it seems like we're dealing with similar stuff too.  I think that I will move forward in dating others, not sure if something will work out but I'm pretty sure I would regret not at least trying.  NG may be the one for me but I'm just not sure yet.  Disappointing that his daughter bailed for Father's Day - darn kids, what are they thinking?

[arneal]

Yes, trying2 ... he has a complicated relationship with his daughters; the younger one and her daughter live with him (although the granddaughter spends more time with grandmom and I've never met her or seen her at the house even and now with school out, she's there even less I gather) but he is estranged from his eldest. I texted him yesterday after he arrived at his worksite for the week to ask if he was okay. He texted back that he was, so I am guessing she did do dinner. Or he just decided it wasn't worth messing up a work week being upset about it. I was watching the show 'This is Us' last night and ended up writing a blog post about a dream that was inspired by the episode I saw. Guess my own fears came out. Feel free to read it here: http://starvingactivist.com/blog/2017/06/20/i-dont-share/.

[arneal]

So much for moving beyond widowhood: got a sales call and told the guy trying to get me to buy the all inclusive trip that I was in no position to travel as I was still trying to get myself together after the death of my husband.

 

Not a complete untruth but I felt horrid after I hung up.

[trying2breathe]

I still play the widow card on occasion, and usually don't feel badly about it.  Nobody needs to know that I'm almost four years out and for the most part over the worst logistical nightmares and darkest days.  Sometimes it feels good to just put it out there. And the widow card is especially handy for those pesky sales calls! 

 

 

Your blog post is timely, arneal, as I work out the relationship with NG and try to figure out whether to move forward with him.  I feel horrible that he may think that he's second fiddle to anybody, yet my openness to dating others must leave him with exactly this.  I've been completely honest with him on the fact that "we" date others, and yet he says that only sees me and will wait.  I think there's a bigger issue - I knew from the start that he was special, have never felt so close to anybody so quickly.  And this scares the hell out of me.  Whew - posting stuff here that I've never expressed and it feels like a therapy session ....

[daysofelijah]

It seems like I end up saying "since my husband died" or "when my husband died" a lot. It's just a fact of my life, a major turning point so I use it as a point in time in conversations. But I worry that sometimes people think I say it looking for sympathy and attention, but I really am not. It just is what it is!

[arneal]

trying2 -- this is absolutely therapy for me  I have one cousin who has been married three times and all three husbands have died (she was married to the first and third when they died and divorced from the second one when he died) and she's only about two or three years older than me. However, she is on a much different path and I don't talk to her about relationship stuff much. I mention NG and she is happy that I have him, so we leave it at that.

 

Yes, daysofelijah, it is a fact of life. However, the moment it fell out of my mouth yesterday it felt disingenuous. I am binging on the show This Is Us and in one of the episodes I watched last night, the 70+ year old widowed doctor was just over a year out from the death of his wife from cancer; he still had all her stuff around, clothes in the closet, medications in the bathroom cabinet. He talked to her at breakfast. His son was on him about moving on because he and his wife were worried. The doctor went to the cemetery and talked to his wife. He told her that he wasn't sure he could go on doing what he had been doing and wasn't sure she wanted him to. He got rid of all her stuff -- a truck came and took the wheelchair, he folded and packed her clothes, cleaned out the bathroom items. The last scene was him having dinner with a widowed woman he knew from the neighborhood who had expressed interest in him. Of course I cried. I want to just get on with it. I wish I had the ability to pack up all the stuff LH's daughter wants and send it to her instead of having it out in the garage. I want to pay off the loan I have on the SUV (that's broken and not running anymore) he always drove so I can get it out of my driveway. I know it will happen, but I feel like I'm ready for it to be done, now.

 

It's probably more of the menopause moments and worry about my own health and will settle once I know whether I have any issues going on with my eyes and what's up with the asymmetry they found in my mammogram ... sigh.

[klim]

ok writing out my thoughts here to see if anything becomes clearer.

I met NG in January. He loved me immediately. I on the other hand have been very cautious with my heart. I'm a thinker, not one to jump into emotions quickly. I've had moments when I definitley love him but then they sometimes fade as well , so it's not 100%.

 

Which brings up my first question ....at this age ( I'm in my 50's) can we fall head over heels in love or is it more a practical love?

 

 

Second point, sort of related to the first, because he is so in love he would be happy spending every free moment with me. He's a boss of a small business which basically runs itself so he has a lot of free time. I work 5 days a week and when the weekend rolls around, i was used to just puttering around , you know doing laundry, clean house , half watch a movie while I play on the computer, doing my gardening. But now I'm missing that because as soon as the weekend rolls around he has plans for us....don't get me wrong they are fun plans and it's nice but I miss my me time. I've tried to explain it, but he doesn't get it because he hates to be by himself. Even during the week when I'm working he is never just at home...he has a number of friends who he goes and hangs out with. I don't think he is capable of hanging out alone. So I don't think he gets that I almost need to do that every once in a while.

 

Related to this he is also horrible at saying goodnight....and it kinda leaves me with a sour taste in my mouth.  Example : last night we go out , have a great evening, ,it's 11:30( not real late but I'm ready for bed) and we arrive in my driveway and I'm totally ready to just give him a goodnight kiss , see you tomorrow type thing and he's clinging....he wants to come in....I say  for what reason, my boys( young men) are in the house watching tv etc, it's not like we can come in and have some romantic ending to the night plus I'm done for the night. He was not, he never is, there has not been one goodbye that just felt relaxed...it's always me saying OK I really have to go now....

 

So on one hand it does feel nice that he loves me on the other hand I have to figure out how to navigate this neediness of his.......especially since I'm a teacher and soon will have the summer off which I'm sure from his point means I will be available to hang out 100% of the time......

 

Any suggestions would be appreciated.....

[Trying]

My feelings on your first question:  I am 48 and did feel head over heels in love in the early phase of my relationship with NG.  Then it evolved into a more practical, honest, real love.  For me, having a relationship at this age is different than when I was in my early 20's because we are both fully formed adults with needs and quirks and responsibilities.  We don't have the luxury of an all consuming love.  Chemistry and companionship become equally important and wanting to share a life together feels different than the neediness I felt when I was younger. 

 

When fiancé and I were dating he also had much more free time than I did and it did cause some conflict at times.  Now that we live together (and I'm down to only one kid with activities to go to) it's not an issue any more.  I think it's important for you to have your alone time and find a way to explain to him that this is the way you recharge and not because you don't enjoy spending a lot of time with him.  You don't want to start to feel resentful and if he loves you he should be able to respect that need.

 

The long goodbyes? I have no advice there, it sounds like he really hates to be alone.

 

I hope you are able to find a good balance so you can enjoy your summer!

[arneal]

klim -- it is interesting, this 'me time' navigation and what we do with it. I went through a spell early on that I wanted to spend every possible second with NG (and still do, even though I've never told him that and try not to act like it lol). It was different because we both work so seeing each other during the week is impossible for the most part. It was the joy of being with someone healthy in my case; it seems rather harsh to see in writing but still, it is what it is ... I'd spent less time being a wife in the last half of our time together than being a caregiver and it was nice to be in relationship again. However, as time has gone on (we passed our year mark at the end of May; interestingly, I was listening to a replay of a presentation by a relationship guy who said that two people can't really know each other in just a year, which put it in perspective), I've found myself in a better place and am back to my own schedule.

 

That said, the way it happened was because NG went about his life. He kept his 'me time', even though it took a few months for him to get to a place of saying something to me like 'I need to take a day to myself -- the week has been brutal'. It made me focus back on all the things I love to do. Now, I go about my time and try not to be the one who texts first and so on. I love my freedom. Always have. I think the 25 years I've spent in marriage or something similar between two people has rubbed off on me, in that I also love being part of a two-some. It's a balancing act, isn't it, trying to be part of something whilst being us in total.

 

Might it be possible to sit him down and have a talk? Might it be possible to pull back a wee bit, not to the point of not being in touch but just to more strongly indicate that you need your own space? Maybe taking your children off to do things, just the bunch of you without NG every now and again?

 

Be loving and very present when you are together. Be who you need to be for yourself otherwise ...

 

On the long goodbye's thing ... as Trying wrote, that's a tough one. Maybe if you conquer the first point, this will correct as well.

 

Hope I didn't ramble too much there {{hugs}}

[Forgottenwife]

Which brings up my first question ....at this age ( I'm in my 50's) can we fall head over heels in love or is it more a practical love?

 

Second point, sort of related to the first, because he is so in love he would be happy spending every free moment with me.

 

Any suggestions would be appreciated.....

 

Hi Klim, this sounds like my Chapter 2 relationship, although I am the one that head over heels, its been interesting! So in my opinion I have to say yes, we can fall head over heels ridiculously in love. I gotta say, my partner is not as intense as I am. Once we established a relationship, I wanted to spend a lot of time together (we didn't so much because I had teenagers at home and I parented first.) But, I want to be with this man all the time. We have been together more than 4 years now and I am crazy in love with this person, we jokingly call me a lovesick teenager.

 

When we were living apart and dating, I just had to deal with the fact that he was not as intense as I am, he likes some space. We moved in together at about the three year mark, but before we did, we had a meeting of the minds so to speak. Lucky for us, we can talk about anything and one of his concerns was that I like way more time together and he needs some down time. I have to be understanding of that and I make sure he has time to himself. I have to be my own person and find things to occupy my time. You know, I never took it personally, people just have different needs. I think it is more than reasonable for you to just want time to do gardening, or laundry or just veg out. Were I in your situation, I think I would just talk to your guy and tell him you need some time and space to yourself, now and always to be a happy and healthy person. That is just such a reasonable request.

 

Quick note, I imagine I would find a clinging goodnight behavior extremely unattractive. When something happens, with anyone, that gives me the creeps or as you said, leaves a sour taste in your mouth, I shut that down immediately. He's a grown man, I would be telling him to drop me off and say good night like an adult. I don't know, that is really uncool of him, and so not smart! You would think he would just want to say what a lovely evening he had and give you the best kiss ever, he's missing a great opportunity to leave you happy and secure. Not smart! I think I'd just have to tell him, if he can't handle it? Good luck. For me, communication is key.

 

 

[trying2breathe]

klim  Your relationship with NG mirrors my relationship with my NG  - and we too met and started dating in January.  I believe it's possible to fall head over heels in love in our 50's, for me there is a certain degree of practicality that needs to be met also in order to have a relationship.  I'm cautious with my emotions, my NG is carefree with his and continues to put it out there.  He wants to spend most free time together, and I'm left to play catch up on household responsibilities and feel terribly guilty about little time spent with my kids and aging parents.  This morning I backed out of spending the day with him, letting him know that I needed downtime and to have dinner with my Mom.  He understood, thankfully.

 

 

Like the others have posted, a conversation is definitely in order.  There's nothing wrong with taking time to yourself to take care of whatever you need to do.  I can imagine the frustration in trying to end an evening with him clinging, although difficult to do a stronger response to his persuasion is needed.  "I really need to get to bed - long day tomorrow" .... Repeat if necessary.

[arneal]

Forgotten -- thanks for sharing. The fact that you and your NG had your discussion at the three year mark; it helps put things such as time in perspective. I remind myself in my case that although my NG and I have been connected for just around a year, we've only spent weekends together for the most part. If you count it in days, we've spent a total of maybe two months in each other's presence. Not a ton of time at all.

 

trying2 -- I agree with you; I never thought I'd fall head first like this at my age. Or any age as I too tend to be not particularly emotional, probably because the first marriage beat the possibility out of me ... I am still learning the art of open communication and am grateful because NG is good at it. Life is about learning and when it comes to this thing called relationships, the more we work at it, I hope the better we get

 

Have I said lately how much I appreciate each of you? Yes -- I do.

[Bunny]

I really feel for you, klim, because I am one of those people who likes LOTS of alone time. Always have, though widowhood seems to have intensified it. Solitude is what recharges me, but it seems I always end up in relationships with men who could be with me 24/7. When my bf began increasing our time together it did make me kinda anxious and I could tell he felt a bit put out by my need to be alone, but I just had to demand it anyway. Slowly I've just gotten used to him nearly always being around, but it's been an adjustment and honestly I do wish I had more space. It's been 3 years. Sometime I've just had to tell him: let me have some time to miss you.

 

I do feel passionate about him, about us- but it's still different from the younger me. Is it age? Widowhood? I just...I dunno...I hold a piece of me back somehow. And I am more quick to put up walls. But at the same time there are other ways that widowhood has made me a better partner. I do think we fell into 'domestic bliss' much more quickly than I have in the past, but maybe that's because I was married for 15 years? I'm better at setting boundaries-telling him what I need and what is unacceptable- so in some ways this feels like a more equal partnership than my marriage. I no longer feel the need to be married, even though I'm planning on this being my last relationship, have zero desire to look elsewhere. I'm totally content, even as I feel more capable than ever to also be okay being on my own.

 

As for his lingering good nights...you gotta nip that in the bud! Just tell him 'say goodnight, Gracie', give him a lovely hug and kiss, and send him on his way. Be loving, but firm! I have friends who hate the quiet- love crowds and noise and derive their energy from socializing, so I get his feelings but you can't sacrifice your mental well-being for him- he can get his fix from other sources/friends!

[Guest Metv]

Klim although you seem new into this relationship, your (NG, hate that word), seems to want to all envelope you to being with him 24/7. I've had some experiences where 24/7 after widowing is not the best feeling for me. Yes, a good relationship is very hard to find, but it's the anticipation that makes for great times. If you're not ready for an all encompassing relationship, me, I would probably have that all weird odd talk. If he's really the one for you, he'll understand.

[arneal]

Well-said, Bunny and Metv. While the dating scene and early relationship life is very junior-high, we are adults and can use our words It's never easy but creates a much better space.

 

Love that 'give me time to miss you', Bunny -- I read that on a relationship blog several months ago and it's always a great reminder!

[arneal]

klim's post brings up an interesting issue about differences. The responses to her post seem to suggest that many of us have been going about this dating business in ways that might be different from how we were in our previous relationships or that we are navigating our 'new normal'. Ultimately, I would be so bold as to suggest that none of us are willing to settle this go as we continue in our new situations.

 

I had an interesting experience with NG (sorry, Metv ... 'new guy' feels better to my brain that identifying him by chapter since he would be my Chapter 3 I guess, since I've been widowed twice ...) this weekend. His birthday is today and I enjoy spoiling the person I'm with on their special day. Such spoiling usually begins with me asking what they'd like to do as it gets closer and involves getting little special gifts. I went to his place yesterday to take his gift and a cheesecake (which he asked for since his daughter was making dinner). He was surprised about the gift because he said it had been years since anyone had given him a gift. I had no words and it made me sad. His daughter and her boyfriend ate dinner and didn't call NG to let him know it was ready ... we had snacked before she finished but later he went out and saw that the meal was finished so then we made plates. I was sad again that she didn't have us all come to the table to eat together to celebrate her dad's birthday.

 

Maybe it's just me being sensitive to the differences in how families work. This whole spoiling on birthdays thing was something that I started doing during my time with LH. I wanted to create new traditions that weren't specifically based on anything I'd experienced or that he'd experienced and have carried on doing it again now that I am in a new situation. It feels all the more important because no one has done things to make NG feel special. He texted me later in the morning to thank me for making it a good day. I replied that I'd be a pretty awful signif, girlfriend, partner in crime, or whatever term he'd like to use as I wasn't all that good with knowing how the label thing works; we'll see how that goes

 

On a fun note, he broke the 'house rule' of no sleep-overs and I stayed the night again It's the first time in their new place and the second time ever. It was tough saying good-bye this morning but he had things to do and so did I, like get home to my dogs and my work day lol!

 

It's such a process of navigating all this relationship stuff. Whew!

[Forgottenwife]

Arneal, you are so right, figuring all the relationship stuff out is a process!

 

Sounds like you made your NG's birthday celebration pretty great, I hope that is a new experience going forward for both of you. I too enjoying making a big deal out of birthdays.

[arneal]

Thanks Forgottenwife -- I hope so as well!