trying2breathe Posted February 2, 2018 Share Posted February 2, 2018 Virgo, hope you stay healthy! I'm on the other side of the flu bug and wow, don't wish that on anybody. I'm a believer in zinc too. Wishing a weekend with some peaceful moments for you and your children. It is a hard balance, my children tend to not show their grief and during the holidays together we placed a small wreath at the gravesite, their idea. I'm also grateful for this site and all of you ~ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virgo Posted February 2, 2018 Share Posted February 2, 2018 Arneal- it is very interesting how differently we all grieve. I can understand where you're coming from too. My mom had ALS. I mourned for 7 years as the disease progresses. My LH was diagnosed and was gone 4 months later. Something else I've noticed over the years is that people feel widows and widowers grief is somehow less because our relationship is the only one "replaceable. " It's not though. They can't be replaced. Trying, that's nice that they wanted to place a wreath at his grave. My daughters and I haven't been to his grave since the funeral. I've been waiting for them to ask to go. My girls grief is always heightened around holidays and other significant dates. Thanks for the well wishes. I actually drink pineapple juice daily and I took an antihistamine last night. That usually helps me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted February 2, 2018 Author Share Posted February 2, 2018 Thanks for that insight, Virgo -- I never thought about the 'replaceable' factor ... Try the pineapple juice hot (put it in the microwave or in a pot and heat it like tea) for coughs instead of cough chemicals Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virgo Posted February 2, 2018 Share Posted February 2, 2018 Arneal, I've had a few people say "you can find a new husband." I understand what they're saying, as far as the relationship to him goes, but that doesn't lessen my/our grief for our spouses. I will try heating up the pineapple juice. Thanks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted February 3, 2018 Author Share Posted February 3, 2018 Ouch, Virgo ... I can't imagine. People are often weirdly insensitive as they think what they are saying in some way provides comfort Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virgo Posted February 4, 2018 Share Posted February 4, 2018 My weekend is going good, but I've been over thinking a lot.I'm not sure if it's the significant dates or my relationship though. Yesterday I was asked out by two guys I dated before. Obviously they didn't step up before, so why am I even thinking about them? It just goes back to self sabotage I think. I can feel myself getting closer to my NG and it's scary. I think holding on to other guys is my way of guarding myself from getting hurt. Then I think a break up wouldn't even compare to losing my husband, so take the leap. I did tell those guys I was dating someone. Anyway, sorry for my rambling. Today is the 4 year sadiversary. The weekend has been working out as planned. My NG is very understanding and supportive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrokenHeart2 Posted February 4, 2018 Share Posted February 4, 2018 Hugs to you Virgo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted February 5, 2018 Author Share Posted February 5, 2018 ^^^ as Brokenheart2 said, {{{hugs}}} Virgo ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jgib Posted February 5, 2018 Share Posted February 5, 2018 Year 4 hasn’t been easy for me this year. There is no rush Virgo, give yourself some time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted February 5, 2018 Author Share Posted February 5, 2018 {{{Hugs}}} jgib! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captains wife Posted February 5, 2018 Share Posted February 5, 2018 Virgo - I hear you...for me, getting too close feels uncomfortable right now. I've been a widow for almost 6 years! But between the sudden loss of my DH, the post widow stuff, some of my dating heartbreaks I feel myself consciously or unconsciously keeping myself slightly "aloof". So happy NG was supportive. None of this is easy- sigh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted February 5, 2018 Author Share Posted February 5, 2018 Captains Wife -- ugh, the dating heartbreaks! Those, on top of sudden losses of our LHs, makes for strong aloofness, I would say. At least it did for me. Our 'Spidey Senses' are strong. Once you feel like this one is the right one, and it may take several years or a day, you'll know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virgo Posted February 6, 2018 Share Posted February 6, 2018 No, none of this is easy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virgo Posted February 6, 2018 Share Posted February 6, 2018 My NG took the day off today so we spent it together. Fun, lazy day. We normally spend Tuesday evenings together, so including tomorrow that would be four days in a row. It's nice seeing him every day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted February 6, 2018 Author Share Posted February 6, 2018 That is great, Virgo! Hoping that time together helps draw you closer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beth_krkswidow Posted February 7, 2018 Share Posted February 7, 2018 Want to add my hugs too, Virgo, on your 4 year Sadiversary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virgo Posted February 7, 2018 Share Posted February 7, 2018 Thank you! NG and I were together again tonight. We're hoping to get together for lunch tomorrow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virgo Posted February 13, 2018 Share Posted February 13, 2018 I hope everyone had a nice weekend. I was snowed in Friday. Then Saturday I would normally sleep over with my NG, but my youngest daughter was sick. My NG and I spent all Sunday together. We're planning on seeing each other tomorrow too. We haven't really mentioned Valentine's day. It's not a big deal to me. I have a little something I bought to surprise him with sometime this week. I was hoping tomorrow, but it sounds like he wants to go out. My surprise is more a private thing. 😁 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Needytoo Posted February 13, 2018 Share Posted February 13, 2018 Good for you Virgo, glad to hear things are turning out for you. My sons, still aren't very accepting of NG but I am not letting this stop me. NG and I are becoming very close. I will admit I am getting much better at communicating but to a point. Maybe it is "widow aloofness", hard to say. I do see a trend in NG that unfortunately does raise somewhat of a red flag and then I think who cares, he is perfect in every other way. We have only dated for 7 months but so far if there is a holiday where is requires a gift (birthday/Christmas etc) he backs the hell away. Of course now my point is Valentine's Day he told me he is going to the rifle range, kind of stings when you are told that you are the number one person in his life but yet.... Yep, communication, darn it still have no idea to point out Valentine's Day and that I would like to spend it with him. Oh well have flown solo on Valentine's Day for awhile now, what is another year. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Portside Posted February 13, 2018 Share Posted February 13, 2018 Of course now my point is Valentine's Day he told me he is going to the rifle range, kind of stings when you are told that you are the number one person in his life but yet.... Yep, communication, darn it still have no idea to point out Valentine's Day and that I would like to spend it with him. Might it have been suitable to ask to go to the range with him as a VD outing? A possible win-win. Mike Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
klim Posted February 13, 2018 Share Posted February 13, 2018 I actually went on a valentine outing to paintball a couple of years back with a meetup group. I thought it was great , lots of lonley people on valentines day that needed to get out and do something Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted February 13, 2018 Author Share Posted February 13, 2018 That's what I was thinking, Needytoo. Go with him. Suggest dinner afterward, maybe a place with soft music and low lighting Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virgo Posted February 14, 2018 Share Posted February 14, 2018 Needytoo, I wouldn't be to concerned about the holidays yet. Holidays are hard for a lot of people for different reasons. I've had this conversation with my NG. We started officially dating at the end of October. I let him know he was more than welcome to join us. He didn't, and that's fine. I had a feeling he felt a little awkward spending more than short amounts of time at my house. Anytime he mentions spending time in with me or my girls it's at his house. I actually confronted him about it Sunday, and he said he does feel a little awkward. It's not so much the house, but the feeling of intruding or stepping on toes. I get that. This was our home with my LH. I think it's just one of those things that's going to take time. Definitely suggest going with him to the range. Not because it's Valentine's day, but because you want to spend time with him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Needytoo Posted February 14, 2018 Share Posted February 14, 2018 Good point Portside, I should have mention that he also said go to the gun club with his friends. He has brought me out there before but I felt I wasn't included this time. I can't deny that this all doesn't hurt because it does. My DH and I also didn't celebrate special events in our life and I know this is so wrong. NG isn't like my husband in so many ways except for this particular little thing that I have noticed. Somehow I will need to talk about it, but not right now I need to let the emotions calm down first. The last few times this has happened I have notice something about myself, I am able to reach out to friends and make other plans. Tonight going to yoga with a few friends, tomorrow going out with another friend and Saturday I have two other things with two other friends. Finally in my life I guess I do have a support system. Guess I am doing well after all. Happy Valentine's everyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trying2breathe Posted February 14, 2018 Share Posted February 14, 2018 Needy Sorry that this hurts. You mention that NG backs away with gifty holidays - could it be a financial situation? Or maybe he just doesn't know how or what to gift? When you have that conversation, maybe de-emphasis the gift part of it - unless that's something important to you - and instead let him know how you'd like to just be together on those holidays? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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