deedee Posted April 19, 2015 Share Posted April 19, 2015 I'm having a baby tomorrow. Alone. I won't technically be alone since of course family with be there with me, but the one person that should be there won't be. My husband has been gone for just over seven weeks and I still can't believe this is happening. How on earth am I going to do this? Give birth to our baby without him, raise two kids alone. This reality is just so far from what I could ever have imagined my life turning into. To say that I am terrified would be an understatement. I know I just have to breathe and do it. But this just sucks beyond words. I feel so bad for my daughter, because instead of looking forward to the day she is going to be born, I am just dreading it and thinking how wrong it is that her daddy won't be there, knowing that it will be such a sad day for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
widowat33 Posted April 19, 2015 Share Posted April 19, 2015 I'm so sorry you have to go through this alone. Yes, I get what you are saying about this reality not being what you imagined, I have thought that many times, this is not the life I planned. Sending you hugs and hoping that the joy a little one can bring into your life outweighs the sadness in the days ahead! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lost35 Posted April 19, 2015 Share Posted April 19, 2015 Deedee, My heart goes out to you. I wish you well tomorrow. If you have a photo of your husband that you love, bring it with you. It might help to have it there. My favorite photo from the day our son was born was of him and me with a photo of P. in the background, beside us. It helped to know he was "there" even in a very small sense of the word... Take care, Mamma, and let us know how it goes. I'll be thinking of you both. -L. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted April 19, 2015 Share Posted April 19, 2015 Deedee there is absolutely nothing fair about you having to go through this alone. When you hold your baby girl in your arms there will be so many mixed emotions but I hope you are able to feel the spirit of your DH with you and in her. I would put one family in charge of taking photos and one in charge of writing a diary of sorts, times, specifics, visitors, special moments because my guess is it will all be a blur to you. That way you will have the memories to share with your daughter when she is older. My heart goes out to you, wishing you a safe delivery. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoVerySad Posted April 19, 2015 Share Posted April 19, 2015 I am sending you the tightest of hugs. I can't begin to imagine the conflicting emotions you are feeling. I am so very sorry your husband can't be there with you tomorrow. It does suck and it is so wrong. Of course your baby will be a blessing, yet is completely understandable to be experiencing all that you are feeling now. More hugs, honey. I'll be thinking about you tomorrow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa Posted April 19, 2015 Share Posted April 19, 2015 Sending good thoughts and hugs your way. best of luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keeptrying Posted April 19, 2015 Share Posted April 19, 2015 Deedee, PLEASE send an update to tell me how it went. I am a bit in the same spot and I am SCARED to death. I am pregnant, due soon and I have 6 small kids. Giving birth alone without my husband is completely terrifying. He was always next to me to cheer me on, tell me how proud he was of me, make sure everything went right and worried for me. I am terrified that if something goes wrong, he won't be there to save us. Am I going to be in labor and think of him the whole time? Picture him? Will that make it worse? He won't be there to cut the umbilical cord, hold his baby, talk to him. I will be completely alone. I don't know how to do this. I don't know how I am going to do this. Just thinking about it makes me cry. It isn't so much the physical pain, but the mental pain is one thing I never thought I would have to worry about on a day that was supposed to be so happy. I hurt for me, I hurt for my baby. I can't even put into words how I feel and the emotions that are running through me. Please let me know what happens, let me know this can be done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kealoha Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 Hugs hugs hugs Deedee. I have no good words right now but wanted to say I am thinking of you and your children. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brenda Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 Deedee, best of luck to you and baby tomorrow. It'll all go well. Sending a massive hug over to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lcoxwell Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 I truly am sorry, that you are having to face the birth of your baby girl without your husband there, by your side, as he should be. I cannot even begin to imagine what you are going through, though I am sure your are filled with many mixed emotions. I will be keeping you in my thoughts tomorrow, and I hope all goes well for your and your baby. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 Oh, Deedee, soooo many hugs. I know you can do this. I'll light my birth candle for you tomorrow, just know you're not going through this alone. Beautiful birth vibes to you!! (((((((HUGS))))))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carey Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 She will be a piece of him brought back to you in tangible form that you can touch and hold. I got goosebumps reading your post, and I can't even fathom what you are facing, having so much grief and sadness mixed in with joy and elation at the addition to your family. There really are no words , no comfort but I do believe with all my heart he will be there with you today. {{{HUGS}}} Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jess Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 I wish I had magic words to make everything okay, but all I can offer are positive thoughts to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoVerySad Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 My thoughts are with you today, DeeDee. I'm hoping you are having/have had a smooth delivery and that holding your new baby will help soften the difficulty of the day. Please update us when you can. I'm sure you've had lots of widdas sending you prayers and positive thoughts today. Hugs to you... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mizpah Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 I cannot even imagine what you are or will be going through. I wanted to respond, though, to tell you that when I lost my DH about 4 years ago I went onto YWBB (this site's former site), and made friends there I think I will have lifelong. Two of them were pregnant when their DHs died. Their daughters are healthy, happy, beautiful girls, and the mothers, though of course they struggle with sadness and other issues, are doing really well. I hope my sharing this will serve as hope and not further upset. I hope you find comfort and solace and joy in your beautiful new baby. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eddienhp Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 Thinking of you DeeDee. Wishing you the best. My kids were 2 and 5 when my husband passed. One of them has autism too. I too wondered how I was going to do it all. Somehow 3-1/2 years later we have managed to survive. I'm not sure how we did it other than taking one step at a time. Utilize your resources. It sounds like you have family who want to help. Let them help you. May your little one bring you joy and peace. Eileen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SimiRed Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 {{Hugs}} Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deedee Posted May 2, 2015 Author Share Posted May 2, 2015 Thank you all so much for your replies. I can?t tell you how much this board has helped me over the past nine weeks since my husband died. I had a beautiful baby girl last Monday. We are both home and getting settled along with my three-year-old son. It wasn?t easy, and I am exhausted, but it actually wasn?t as difficult as I imagined it would be. It definitely helps that I have a grief counselor who is a saint that visited me at the hospital and has visited me at home since the baby was born. There are moments when I think, ?I?ve got this, I can do this? and moments when I think just the opposite. I?m holding on to the former and taking this day by day, hour by hour and sometimes minute by minute. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest marian1953 Posted May 2, 2015 Share Posted May 2, 2015 congratulations on your baby girl, deedee!. Marian Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoVerySad Posted May 2, 2015 Share Posted May 2, 2015 I'm so happy to hear your baby arrived safely, deedee. It is great that your grief counselor has been so supportive. I think you are approaching it in the best way - one day or moment at a time. I hope your new baby girl brings much joy to you and your son. Hugs all around... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen Posted May 2, 2015 Share Posted May 2, 2015 Welcome to the world, baby girl! (((Deedee))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lost35 Posted May 2, 2015 Share Posted May 2, 2015 Congratulations on your lovely little girl!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mo12 Posted May 2, 2015 Share Posted May 2, 2015 Congrats mama on your baby girl. If/ when you are sleep deprived and feeling alone like I was many, many times, remember that there are a whole bunch of us pulling for you! And probably many of us sleep deprived and awake at the same ridiculous hour with our littles, in solidarity! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jess Posted May 2, 2015 Share Posted May 2, 2015 Congrats! Many blessings to you and your new family member! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ATJ Posted May 2, 2015 Share Posted May 2, 2015 I had a beautiful baby girl last Monday. A wee bit of heaven Drifted down from above - A handful of happiness, A heart full of love. The mystery of life, So sacred and sweet - The giver of joy So deep and complete. Precious and priceless, So lovable, too - The world's sweetest miracle, Baby, is You! ~~ Helen Steiner Rice (((deedee))) May the universe rain Blessings on You and your little Girl!! ATJ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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