Wheelerswife Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 I spent much of this afternoon and evening with SimiRed. Fortunately, her parents are now here for support. Many things have come together and tomorrow will be an important and risky time as SimiRed, her parents and a couple of friends pack/move her property from the house and into a POD. SimiRed's husband continues to persist in trying to talk her into staying (which has no chance of working) but this is wearing on her. Family isn't allowing him to be alone with her. I think everyone (but her husband) recognizes the risks at this point. I had a chance to spend some time with her son as well. He is quite articulate about the situation and seems resilient. This is an incredibly difficult undertaking, but SimiRed is doing what she needs to do to get out of what has become an unbearable situation. I admire her strength and resolve to end this chapter so that she and her son can heal and begin a new life....again. Maureen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 Thanks for the update. Here's to family sticking close! Such a scary situation. Continued prayers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrokenHeart2 Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 Thanks for the update Wheelerswife. I too am concerned about the final day. I hope all goes well for SemiRed and her family in the final day. Glad to hear she was able to have your support. Hugs and prayers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patriciad Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 I know today is a really difficult day. So glad that you are surrounded by your family and friends who support you. Stay strong. Praying all goes smoothly. Pat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SimiRed Posted June 20, 2015 Author Share Posted June 20, 2015 Loading the POD today, give me strength. I already have knots, wanna cry. Please let this be uneventful... I'll check in later. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 Stay strong, it will be one more huge thing behind you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ATJ Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 Loading the POD today, give me strength. I already have knots, wanna cry. "The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are." ~~ Unknown Sending Support, Strength and Love! ATJ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mmg19 Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 SR you are an incredible woman. My prayers today are specifically intentionally for you, your son, and your parents. Safety is foremost. I can't imagine how incredibly difficult this has been for you and the amazing strength you have shown. I'm so glad your parents are taking you son and proud of your resolve. Thank you Maureen for being there and updating us. Your son sounds amazing. You have been the Mom we all aspire to be. You have given us all a lot to consider in future choices. Please know you are in my prayers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluebird Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 Keeping you in my thoughts and wishing you courage.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrokenHeart2 Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 Thinking of you SR. I hope you are on the road to your new life! Hugs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoVerySad Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 Dear SR, I'm hoping that yesterday went well and that difficult step is behind you. Sending you love and tight hugs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carey Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 Just checking in on you ... thinking about you. {{{HUGS}}} Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 With hope, also sending good thoughts Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mmg19 Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 Sending hugs to you. Please know you are in my prayers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virgo Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 Thinking of you SR! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SimiRed Posted June 23, 2015 Author Share Posted June 23, 2015 I waited for things to get better. I stayed optimistic that things would change. I questioned many times if I should leave. That was the first sign that I should. I looked for signs that I should stay. And sometimes if I looked hard enough, I found them. I leaned on friends and built up a tribe around me. They supported me. They always did. But it took me forever to be strong enough to do it. The support everyone has shown me brings tears, I am PROUD to call all of you my widda family!! Maureen... Seeing you just gave me more strength, it was every widda that was there in spirit with you that got me through Saturday. Whew, I am SO glad that time was on my side and it kept moving! This weekend is done... It was difficult. First, the delivery time changed on the POD, it was supposed to be there Friday, but didn't end up getting there until Saturday morning. I got there as soon as they were dropping it, they had already given the invoice to husband and he was questioning where they were delivering it. It's being stored in their warehouse, that's all... I have no home, you fool! That's all he needed to know. I will say that he helped load the POD with all the boxes I packed, the big stuff that was heavy. Maybe that was because my family surrounded me. Every chance he caught me alone I got the "I'll help you unpack it, just me and you", "we're still married, you can come over next week and XXX", groping me, grabbing me, wanting a hug, kiss... asking me if I still love him, asking me why I'm treating him like trash. Feelings of guilt, sadness, anger, weakness, etc. Ugh, the emotional turmoil was terrible. I was so emotionally exhausted by the end of the day I just wanted to cry...but held it together, It's like I'm not allowed to cry, no one would understand anyway... I'm leaving a horrible situation, but I still hear in my head, "You're just throwing our relationship away, it's easy for you to run than to take the burden of actually trying to work on anything" That's not true, I don't think so. I tried in so many ways, to a point there was nothing left of me to give anymore. I left because I couldn't live with the emotional, verbal and mental abuse anymore. I left because I need to respect myself. The sadness became too much, the stress too overwhelming and the hurt enclosed me. I couldn't leave earlier because I kept believing and hoping things would get better. That he would see the sadness in my eyes and actually look further than skin deep. Now... I need to learn how to forgive myself for letting him mistreat my son and I for way too long. What I accomplished today: Because YES, I am still moving and keeping my eye on the prize... Transferred Vehicle to Me Only ✓ Got all records from school ✓ Prepare packet of medical and school information to send with my son ✓ Filled the gas tank... since there must be a hole in the tank somewhere ✓ (kidding, I've been driving everywhere lately) Got travel cage for smaller pets ✓ Loaded vehicle for my son's travel away from me ✓ For now.... Grocery store, since I should eat... ✓ Pet store, left biscuits at the house, but not going to get them ✓ Filled out new address forms at Post office ✓ Updated some email addresses ✓ Somewhat organized my chaotic mess of paperwork ✓ That's it for today... I'll keep picking myself up, keep digging for the courage and try to believe in myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 Big Hugs SR, you are doing so well and getting stronger with each step away from him. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and let momentum propel you forward. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoVerySad Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 Dear SR, You've accomplished so much. I hope you realize we know this hasn't been easy for you. It has required immense courage and effort which you have displayed admirably. You are reclaiming you and your son's life. Try your best not to look back since that's not the way you are headed. You are moving forward to the more peaceful, happy life you deserve. Sending love and hugs... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrokenHeart2 Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 Good to hear from you SR. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheelerswife Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 I wish I could walk more closely with you, my friend, but my niece has been anticipating our road trip since I "gave" it to her as her Christmas present. I saw your exhaustion, but I also saw your resolve. You've managed to make the most difficult decisions and made what seemed like impossible moves - and you know there is no turning back, only moving forward. This is another death, the death to what you thought was going to be hope for future happiness. He should have treated you like the beautiful gift that you are....but instead he hurt you (and your son) repeatedly. Now...it is time to reclaim yourself. I resolve to remain with you, even if it is from a distance. The next time I see you...hopefully in the fall, you will have had some time to get resettled. Remember that there is hope out there. I'm not sure I have that down yet myself, but hope comes from knowing that there are people out there willing to walk with us through unbearable pain. We've walked this road together for over 5 1/2 years. We will keep walking the road that for both of us has had more heartache than we think we can handle...but we have handled it, and we will continue to handle it. You deserve only love and kindness, not to be controlled and abused. I love you, my friend! Maureen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carey Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 You amaze me with the strength you have, your organization and determination. Methodically taking one step at a time away from misery and towards a better life for your child and for yourself is SO admirable. I never did it. Many times think I should have but now will never know if that would have changed anything. We are all standing here with you still ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baylee627 Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 I will say that he helped load the POD with all the boxes I packed, the big stuff that was heavy. Maybe that was because my family surrounded me. Every chance he caught me alone I got the "I'll help you unpack it, just me and you", "we're still married, you can come over next week and XXX", groping me, grabbing me, wanting a hug, kiss... asking me if I still love him, asking me why I'm treating him like trash. Feelings of guilt, sadness, anger, weakness, etc. Ugh, the emotional turmoil was terrible. Just, ewww...He's in need of heavy-duty pharmaceuticals. If they even manufacture a pill for what he has... Remain undeterred. Forward motion, SR. Do not capitulate to his menagerie of manipulation. Baylee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SimiRed Posted June 26, 2015 Author Share Posted June 26, 2015 Son safely out of state ✓ Four phone calls today starting at 6am that I DID NOT answer ✓ I'm trying my best to keep focused. I find myself having too much idle "thinking" time, since I don't have to run to the house to pack, run here to do this or run here for that errand. Which is NOT GOOD. I'm missing having someone to share my day with or my thoughts with. Even though I know that sharing would only end in him twisting my words into a knife to thrust into my back. When I find myself second-guessing my decision to leave, I MUST think about the crap I tolerated for so long and tell myself that I don't want his manipulative behaviors back in my or my son's life. Why do I get afraid to NOT answer his calls? How do I learn how to not be afraid I'll be in trouble cause I didn't answer his call? Why am I still acting like the person who is under that control? I'm tired today... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baylee627 Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 ^^^It's gonna take time to for your reflexive feeling of being awash in fear each time he phones. Fear is ingrained in you secondary to the deteriorating, ruinous situation you endured for years. You're a literal phoenix rising from the ashes. Seriously. Meantime, assemble a playlist of songs with empowering lyrics that you can listen to when you need a fresh boost. Might I suggest, "Baggage Claim", by that sassy lil miss, Miranda Lambert:) The only way to prevail is to not give up or give in. Baylee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobswifey Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 Sending prayers and warm hugs. I was in a similar situation when I was young and with my first husband. Had to leave and it was hard but also for my son I had to do it. Just keep breathing and hold your head high. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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