canadiangirl

Welcome Benjamin, Katie, Jamie, Laurel, Catherine, Hallei, Quixote and others who have recently joined. I hope this board serves as a comfort to you. Being a young widow(er) can be so isolating. On my crazier days I can usually find someone who gets it here or something that resonates. Then I don't feel quite as crazy.

Congratulations on the birth of your grandson, cathyr. Good to hear from you as well. And with ref to your message, you're welcome.

Losttogether, I totally hear you. The little things are piling up and getting me down. The bigger things, like renos and fixes to our moneypit fixer-upper...well, I just can't even manage them, yet. My handy DH was diagnosed with cancer six days after we closed on our fixer-upper. Many of the renos, big and small, never got done. Solidarity.

Great to see you swimmer! I too am happy for this positive update. Congratulations on your new granddaughter!

Terrific! Great news! BIG happy! Congratulations to you.

Lost35, not much to add but also wanting to weigh in with my support. The loneliness is profound. I am grateful for your honesty about it. This stuff is so hard. ((Lost35))

Sending more virtual hugs your way. It is all just too much. I am glad you shared - my own life seems like quite a s--t parade at times, but as you say, on the whole, first world problems. I hope the news about your dog is better than you fear. I am glad your sister will be there to help. ((hikermom))

((hikermom)) Thank you for sharing these thoughts so eloquently. I wish I knew what to say but what you wrote reflects exactly how I am feeling, to a word. I empathize so much. I hope you find you can summon that energy and feel the electricity of that joy again. Thinking of you today.

Poignantly stated - thank you so much for sharing. Adding my support and understanding (although I am not carrying the load that you are- I am full of admiration).

Likewise, at our school, it is not permitted to request teachers. We ARE allowed to request that the child be placed with one friend, but there are no guarantees given. That being said, last year and this coming year, given our family circumstances, teachers were chosen deliberately as a best fit for my child. I'm very grateful for this. Your school sounds really Stepfordian, Sugarbell!

Just back on after an absence- great news, Trying! Glad to hear this and about your son's good news as well.

Fern, I could've written what you wrote, word for word (including things you are angry about), except my in-laws had trouble coming to visit when he was dying because it was too hard, and now they have trouble doing memorial services for the same reason.

I am so sorry for the loss of your Jack. My sincere condolences. I know you will hear from other SOS (I am not one). I hope this board continues to provide you with a source of comfort and support. You are definitely, assuredly not alone.

With you, ieh21. I do get this dynamic, and lord I hate guilt trips.

Hi mikeeh, Our stories are similar in that DH knew for 3 years that his was a terminal cancer prognosis and he never wanted to talk about his wishes or face his death. No Hollywood death scene talks here either. How I wish though that he had been open to seeing a psychologist, social worker or anyone to help him cope! I am not sure that MD-patient confidentiality ends with death. It seems to me that this has come up before, here or somewhere else. I am not sure that even if he remembers, he will discuss much with you. But I can totally see how it still might be meaningful for you. I feel like I am always trying to piece my husband back together through memories. I love it when people speak to me about him and they rarely do. So I would be willing to pay someone for this pleasure! You may get something out of this meeting that you never expected, or an added boost. I hope you post on how it goes. Good luck.

I understand this and I don't think it is whining. I live in a city but the demographic is as you describe in my neighbourhood. I only know one divorced parent at the school who avoids me like the plague and no other single parent families. Many stay at home moms and people with their own companies so they have more flexibility than your typical 9-5 household. To be honest, this first 18 months I have avoided school family functions (like a family dance) in part because it would be so isolating- and my child did not want to go in any case. It doesn't usually bug me because I am too busy to care...but it still is a lonely thing when I have time to reflect.

I missed the original post but have read the replies. Here's an interesting article about cybershaming: http://national.deseretnews.com/article/3977/cybershaming-and-when-it-is-ok-to-react-to-an-offense.html Sounds like things are challenging, mawidow. I hope you find your way. This stuff is not easy.

At home with sick kid. Have had to go to hospital and MD twice this week. Plans today-cancelled. Plans tomorrow- cancelled. Today would have been our 6th wedding anniversary. Sadly, the days are so meaningless and grey and I am so tired lately that I didn't even notice until mid-way through the day. Raising a glass to all my virtual widow/er friends tonight.

((Rayspumpkin)) With you. Today would've been 6 years. No one to remember except me.

Virgo, does one of your daughters have a birthday coming up or a milestone or something to celebrate? Might they ultimately want or receive some of your mom's pieces? If this could be true, perhaps with respect to the jewellery, an occasion of your daughter's might be a good opening to at least ask to go through your mom's jewellery and pick out a few (or in the end, many) pieces to distribute between your girls and yourself. It might make him feel good to have a hand in facilitating this?

SimiRed, it sounds like you are making real progress in starting a new life. That's great! I support you in all that you wrote except the part above about your realization that you cannot love him enough to make him change. The problem I have with that is that you are taking it on yourself, blaming yourself, for his lack of will to change to be a better man, a man who does not abuse his partner and betray her trust. It is HE who is at fault for being unable to change, not you or some lack in your loving. I wish you the very best. ((SimiRed))

Sorry NeedyToo, sounds like your very admirable volunteering efforts have gone off the rails due to insensitive gaffes by other people. That truly sucks about your SIL. ^^ Totally agree to this. My child's soccer league administrator sent out a shrill message this week about parents running errands during practices/games, admonishing us to never leave and laying the guilt on thick about how if a parent is not there, the child "may look to where you at to see if you saw that wonderful goal s/he made or even just to see if you're there. When s/he doesn't see you s/he may get nervous. Heaven forbid s/he is hurt while you are gone and needs his/her mum or dad to kiss the bobo. A player went into uncontrollable hysterics when she looked and realized her parent wasn't there and it took many parents to pacify her. It wasn't a serious situation but none the less, serious in that lil' person's mind. Please do not leave your children at the field." Whether or not one agrees with this policy (I don't), I hate the assumptions in this message. I hate the guilt trip for those of us who might have to go get milk during the practice (after telling the child and making arrangements with other parents of course). We gotta eat. Some of us don't have the luxury of time to spare. It's already hard being surrounded by intact families - I don't need random soccer admin to interfere in family life. My vent for the day -thanks Virgo!

Congratulations on your engagement!

lcoxwell, thanks for this post. I can relate and am not surprised that there is research showing that caregivers suffer more illness than the general population. It has been the case for me. Extreme caregiving absolutely sucks. But I would do it all again for someone I loved that much. Perhaps you feel the same way. You have been through so much. You inspire me. ((lcoxwell))

Love this. Get this. With you. ((JustJen)) Now about that Sumerian archaeology. It's not Sumerian, but check out Mary Beard Meet the Romans on Youtube if you haven't already. I guarantee you will like it. Archaeology puts things in perspective! Have a great time in Amsterdam.