Captains wife

Wish you guys could join too. We have another YWBB member joining us from the Cape so have switched this lunch to tomorrow (Friday).

I hear you. I was the maid of honor for my sister's wedding in Feb. I am so happy for her and her husband but it was a tough week in certain ways. I had to do everything in my power not to cry when the officiant came to the "until death do you part" section of the vows.

Finally went through my closet and packed up my older, larger clothing (yeah diet!) and sent it to Salv Army along with a bunch of baby toys I FINALLY packed up from my son's room (he is 4 now!) With the help of our nanny, we also went through my son's clothes and found a pile that was too small and we passed them along to a family in town we know. I cant WAIT to get rid of more stuff.....

Love hearing these stories and seeing these pics. Gives me hope : )

I hear you on the online dating. Ive done online dating for years (met my LH that way) but it is super important to be cautious. At the beginning, I also talk to them on the phone before I meet - I get their number and call them with my number blocked. I have found this helpful as there are a few guys I would have gone out with that I ruled out after talking to them on the phone. I give out my cell number a little more readily but never my home number. Obviously, early on, I wouldnt let the guy pick you up (I had a issue with this, with a guy I let pick me up after 3 dates). I would also get the guy's full name early on - and yes I do Google them before or after a first date. No background checks ever done....BUT I did sneak a look at a guy's driver's license (we were dating a few months) and good thing I did as HE WAS LYING ABOUT HIS AGE ! In terms of your profile, I hear you on wanting to keep certain things private - but dont be embarrased about being online and dating...its one of the ways to meet people these days.

Hikermom - your post resonated with me and, as Canadiangirl posted, so eloquently written. I am 3 years out as of May and feel I am doing ok but I do feel I am carrying something that will not go away. Single parenting is so tough - the burden of working full time, taking care of a toddler, house etc, trying to keep a social life overwhelms me sometimes. Just last week I fell into a real funk and "withdrew" from my world for a week. Your attitude is really positive - and it is hard work to keep moving forward, establishing a "new" life and to be happy generally. I think it is good to remind ourselves of what is positive in our lives, even with such loss. I try and do that regularly, as well as figure out what I can do to make me happier and to make my son happy. I am happy that you are in a job you love now and you have your daughter with you as you are in an isolated area I think. Wishing you all the best as you continue to forge ahead - as you said, keep swimming ! You can do this....

Vent away RIFoF! You have a lot on your plate and none of this is easy. Sending support your way. Your comment on dealing with the trivial stuff while others can't is SO true. Take it easy out there- storms are brutal our way this morning.

Im so so sorry Lost35. I dont think we can "get over this"..its just living with it, which admittedly is really tough. I am in a similar position - having lost my husband suddenly in an accident, although my child was 9 months old when he died. I was lucky in the sense that my husband got to spend some time with him but my son doesnt remember him at all. And recently my 4-year old's mantra is "I miss my Daddy...." and he sees all the kids on the playground/at school with their Dads and looks heartbroken sometimes. I am now at 3+ years out and am coping ok but this past week I was in such a funk over what happened to our family, and crying at the drop of a hat. It isnt fair that we have to deal with this loss and doubly unfair the pain that our children are going through. Our kids do need their Dads - and I know from my end that my son's life would be better with his Dad here. I wish I knew how to fix it too but I guess the best we can do is continue to learn to live with it. I want the grief to go away but it doesnt seem to - and there are so many triggers that bring it back...on a regular basis, including triggers with my son's longing to see his Dad. I keep telling my grief therapist that I want to move on and get past this and she tells me that this will be with me for a long while, especially as my son will be greiving as he gets older. So sorry Lost35, I wish I could fix this for all of us and I hope you get back to a better place soon. From your posts, you seem like such a dedicated and amazing mother and your son is lucky to have that. The only "advice" I am taking for myself to keep going is to let myself grieve when I need to (and I tend to cry in the car, when I have privacy), I keep busy, I try and find ways to get back to the person/life I was/had before I was married, I exercise alot (endorphins), I post on here alot and speak with my grief therapist and I am trying to move my life in the direction I want it to go, building a "new life" for me and my son. Wishing you all the best,

Wow - CONGRATS! Although hard, this sounded like a great move for you : ) I wish you and your children all the happiness in your new home. This post FYI is also very inspirational - I have thought long and hard about moving and downsizing and need to push myself to do it.

I agree it varies by region but I have done ALOT of online dating (how I met my LH) and I always found Match.com to have the best potential matches and less nut jobs. eHarmony was a waste of money and while the qualilty of men was better than free sites - I wouldnt recommend their system. For one, I dont like being matched by a computer and two the commication method turns alot of guys off to it I think. In terms of free sites, I liked the fun quality of OKC but there were way too many "prowlers" and "men looking to hook up" on there and the free sites tend to attract alot of men that I wouldnt be interested in dating. I dated a man I met on OKC who turned out to be a complete liar and just looking to find women to prey on. Plus alot of young guys contacted me on free sites - I didnt really have this issue with the paid sites. Online dating is hard, and frustrating but keep going Momtojandj - there are decent, great men out there waiting to be found by you !

Depending on date would also like to join!

Good luck with the move and good for you for taking on this big life change. Stress does crazy things to people and I bet new guy does understand even if hard for both of you to deal with. When I worked in my prior extremely stressful job with long hours my LH would just listen to my crazy rants, give me one of his big smiles and hand me a glass of wine. Boy I miss those days. I bet things will improve for you two when all this crazy stress is behind you - and I wish you all the best for the future. It's hard dynamics when fighting over life's big issues when not a married couple.

I am over 3 years out and go through periods like this. I honestly want to crawl into bed, watch bad TV shows, cry and stay there. I have done a few things to keep me going (plus I work 4 days a week). I do make myself exercise almost everyday (although I see you have an issue with your shoulder so maybe not an option ?) and if I dont feel like it, I just do half an hour instead of an hour and treat myself to a new video on Netflix or Amazon Prime. I am a big list person - and I tape it up on my bathroom mirror for motivation. Have a full list of TO DOs and start working on, crossing off small ones and focus on the bigger ones when you have more energy. Make sure your TO DO list has some "fun" things -i.e small house renovation projects, writing a letter to someone you havent touched base with for a while etc. And sometimes downtime is good - but you can also read during that time (I read informationational books as well as fiction). Crossing out things on the list feels good for me, even if they are small and it doesnt seem danting as you work through them. Wishing you all the best,

Ah - parenthood vs. social life. I get momma guilt but I do try and maintain some social life to keep my sanity. I think im in a slightly easier position as I have one child and I have the assistance of a local nanny. Also, I joined a gym (YMCA) where they have child watch (which costs $2 per hour) and my son really likes going to play with the other kids - I found a really good sitter there I am comfortable with on Sat AM. I do go out once or twice a week (sailing, an early dinner/drinks) but I am home to put my son to bed most times so limit my time out if I do go out. Once in a while I have overnights away where my inlaws are with him so I am lucky as my immediate family doesnt live near by. I have personally found that having adult time outside of all the crap we deal with has helped me, especially pull me out of the funks I get in so I recommend it. I dont have the social life I used to as I want to spend time with my son but getting away once in a while I think is good for one's sanity.

So sorry to read this....these sudden, young losses are so hard. Hope family doing ok...

So sorry that this guy ended up being a jerk and confirming your suspicions. No contact is smart and glad you told him to take a hike. Honestly there ARE many fish in the sea and you will find someone better, who treats you better while this guy is wishing he wasn't such a dolt and let you get away. Dating is hard work but also fun and I wish you all the best!PS- I dreamed revenge on the first guy I dated seriously after I found out he was a compulsive liar but I'm glad I never went there in the end. Although very upset at time when we broke up I never think of him now...

Sorry Maureen - hugs from the East Coast. This is ALOT that you are dealing with....John seems like such a lovely man and I can imagine how much you miss him.

I hope, Momtojandj, that this guy is finally giving you the space you need....hope you are doing ok. Not easy I am sure.

MissingSquish is travelling north to visit in early August so I wanted to extend an invitation to any widds in the area, to see if you wanted to join us for lunch. I will host the lunch and no need to bring anything ! Im very near the beach too if you wanted to bring your kids along. When: Sat. August 8th 2015 Where: Marion, MA (about an hour south of Boston near Buzzards Bay), 45 min east of Providence Time: About noon If I hear from any interested parties, I will get my address to you closer to the date.

I hear you re: sharing your new relationship status with friends and family. I have been dating someone for 14 months and only recently did he meet my son and only recently did I post a pic of the 2 of us on Facebook (my first!). I agree - re: irrational guilt on finding love again, doesnt make sense but the feelings are there. I dont take my guy to most events, including my sisters wedding. My parents invited me to bring him on my next trip to visit them and I declined. While our children should not dictate our lives, I am in sympathy with you on taking our children into consideration as we try and move forward with our Chapter 2. Your kids have been through alot and I remember you posting on some particular difficulties with your son. Youre a great, thoughtful mum for trying to bring all these worlds together at a slow pace that is accomodative for others but maybe not you : )

Im so sorry...how insensitive of this guy! I am especially angered that this is a guy from your past - I like Baylee's suggestion. But I've been there (break up post widow) - and it hurts, alot. You are the strong one here - opening yourself up to new possibilities again and trying to move forward after such a big loss in your life. If he is acting as such, of course you thought this was blossoming into a relationship. Please dont feel AT ALL that any of this was your "fault" etc. I also dont understand how some people can act one way and then be deceiving us behind their backs - but I also feel karma will get this guy in the end. Please take time to move forward from this loss - be good to youself. I found keeping busy, networking with widows, seeing my therapist, exercise all helped me post breakup. Wishing you all the best

I was in a deep sleep in the early hours of this morning and in the middle of a vivid dream of my late husband. I know from other postings that many people on here like to re-visit with their spouses via dreams but for some reason I dont. I wake up feeling sad again. Last night in my dream, I went to a meeting point to meet up with my husband - and he showed up with an arm full of flowers, balloons etc to wish me a happy birthday, with that huge grin he always had on his face. This was reminiscent of when he surprised me on our first Valentines Day way back in 2008, showing up unexpectedly at the bank where I worked with an arm full of flowers, balloons, cards, a stuffed animal - he walks right into my workplace (having planned it with my analyst), kisses me on the check and says "Happy Valentines Day Darling!"...He was always into going over the top and the big, showy romantic gestures but the reason he did it was to show my department how "special" and loved I was....sigh.... Then in the dream, he says to me "Im back...WHAT are you doing dating this new guy?" When I suddenly woke up, I felt sad and unsettled and I feel so sad today. I just needed to vent but feel free to share your recent spouse dreams too, if you like....good and bad.

Such a nice chance encounter...sometimes people come into our lives unexpectedly for a reason and I am so glad that you and your son had a lovely evening. Having him over for dinner as a friend would be nice company... I am isolated where I live so having new friends come into our lives makes me happy. For example, I met a lovely woman who I sail with who has a teenage son and lost her ex husband about 1.5 years ago. Once in a while, we get us and our kids together for dinner and its so nice to have 4 of us at a table, rather than 2. Her awesome son even said something like - Mum, its nice to have more of us at the table than just 2 - at one of our first dinners. Sometimes our new friends are our extended family.

Thats stressful and I am surprised that KLM isnt a little more understanding. Sending positive vibes your way - just think you will be with the WOW group soon !

Thank you all, really appreciate your feedback. Widow-dom is a very lonely life sometimes. I have been thinking long and hard about moving closer to or to the City and the key reason is to get away from this cookie cutter community. But, on the other hand, it is a great environment for my son (great public school, private school for when he is older), I have good child care support and we are slowly (very slowly) making connections. Its fabulous in the summer to be near the beach and I sail locally. I also cant face moving and potentially losing money on my house. Sometimes I dont care when I am the odd person out and different from the crowd - but sometimes I do and the most important thing is that I want my son to feel he isnt the only one without a 2nd parent. I just wish people would be a bit more thoughtful about my situation sometimes...especially as I am terrible at asking for help and I am a little on the shy side (although I know those are my own issues). PS - I also noticed my social invitations jump a bit when it was known I am dating someone...so "funny".