linda5

What a smart boy you have! Good for him and good for you! You should be very proud!

Oh my goodness! Sending prayers for a full and speedy recovery!

Sending my support and love to you also.

I'm with Jen, keep a pile of pillows on his side and throw my legs over them. Also got a pregnancy body pillow to wrap around myself. It makes me feel like he's hugging me.

Oh BH2, I'm so sorry to hear about your Mom. I'll be praying for your Mom, you, and that your siblings help out more. You've done a lot of your Mom. Sending you peace and love.

That truly was a huge step! I'm proud of you. Whether or not you still go out of your way doesn't matter, you proved you can do it. Also congrats for spending the night alone ... that was a huge task for me to overcome.

Cyndi, your post touched me deeply. I feel the same way, I've hit 2 years, but I'm not ready to be in the category of BAG. I don't know if I'll ever get there!

Saturday night I had my first date! I was excited, scared, and ready to cancel at any second. The guy met all of my criteria: Widowed; Age Appropriate; Christian; Financially Stable; Gets Along With His Children; Attractive Okay so he was perfect on paper! This was what I was asking God to send me. God answered my prayers! But ... and there's always a but. After having a 6-hour dinner date (yes; 6 hours outside on a patio at a restaurant), I'm now realizing that I've got to learn to tolerate all of his annoying habits. I know I have them too, and DH had them. But DH and I grew up together and learned to tolerate each other's differences. But not that I'm in my 50's, do I want to take the time and learn to tolerate it from somebody else? I asked him what was his favorite TV show, he told me he doesn't watch TV. So, I asked him if he liked to read. He said no. Then, I asked how he filled his time. He works out every single day and then logs it in a chart. I work out twice a week, so we're no match there. Then he said he only eats organic and spends lots of time preparing his meals. He really watches what he eats and eats healthy all the time. While he's saying this, I'm eating my potatoe skins with sour cream. I'm starting to wonder if being by myself is better. I like TV, I like food, and I exercise because it's a must to look good, but it's not something I'm addicted to. How did the rest of you get past the things new person does that annoy you?

I think your husband would love new guy! I guess your brain is just trying to come to terms with loving two men! Have a great time with your son and new guy!

I loved the article! You have a beautiful family! That article gave me hope for my future. I guess people that aren't widowed just don't get it. I guess they'll get it some day ... when they have to walk in our shoes.

So sorry things are flaring up again. I guess they are just trying to see how far they can push you ... but don't let them! Ignore, ignore, and then ignore them again. People like that don't deserve your time, and save your energy for things that matter to you.

My husband's birthday was a few days ago and his f/b account is still active. I post things to him and our daughters do too. He was also an author in his spare time and consequently had many "virtual" f/b friends that really didn't know him and never go to his page to see what he's doing. So, on May 6th, he got a few Happy Birthday wishes from strangers. I let them all go for the last 2 years. This time, they bothered me. One stated, "Hey Will, have a big bang up blast on your birthday." Or another one said, "My fictional dog, Harvey, wants to send you a Howling Good Birthday Wish." So I started going through them and hit reply and said, "I'm sure my husband is having a great birthday, in Heaven." I know I should memorialize his page, but I like writing on it with what's happening in our family. I don't think I was rude, just wanted them to know. However, my daughters thought my reply was rude. What do you think?

Cyndi, you've been through too much! I'm so sorry you had to endure two major losses. I'm thinking and praying for you.

My husband was my best friend also. Luckily, I still had friends, but I truly preferred his company over anyone else's. Now that he's gone, I want to warn my daughters not to make their spouse (one engaged) everything to them. I want them to keep a little piece of their self and not share it. I know that sounds selfish, but the pain I experienced when my husband died was awful. I wondered if I could have coped better if he wasn't everything to me.

I'm so sorry for your loss and the suffering you're going through. I think I've cried enough tears to personally fill up Lake Michigan!

Wow!!!! That marker is BEAUTIFUL!! I can't believe you did it yourself!

I was just wondering how you were doing. So glad you posted. Congratulations on the baby daughter! Try to get as much rest as possible and let others help as much as you can. I'll be praying for you and your family.

All great comments. In the beginning I was very bitter. But at 2 years, I'm not that way anymore. Everyone else can't see this bag of rocks that is slung on our backs that we have to carry with us every single second of the day. Some days we carry it down hill, and it feels lighter, other days we carry it up hill and we feel it in its entirety, and then other days we're on flat ground and we know it's there, but we are better able to carry it. I guess we'll have this feeling until the day we are reunited with them.

Good for you! I hate yardwork the most. I mow, but as far as edging and blowing ... gone! If the neighbors don't like it, they can come over and edge and blow!

I let a car go in front of me. (Hey, I know it's not much, but I actually waved him in the traffic lane!)

Just Jen, I felt the same way with my life. 3 years ago, if somebody would have told me what my future would hold in just 3 short years ... my beloved husband would die suddenly, my youngest will get married and move to the East Coast, my oldest will have our first grandbaby and then take that precious light of my life and then move her family to Phoenix, and my middle daughter will move out of my house and into one with her fiance, I would have rolled over and died on the spot. I went from being a happy family of 5 to now just me! I HATE IT! My biggest fear in life was living alone, and somehow that is the life I'm living. (Ironic, isn't it?) I don't like it, don't understand it ... but it's the hand I've been dealt. Oh, I kick and scream and carry on to God about how unfair this is. I keep thinking my reward is heaven is going to be GREAT! Just want you to know that I understand how you're feeling. We've got to just keep trudging along ... what is that saying ... Fake it until you make it. Sending you positive thoughts and hugs!

Hoping your health issues improve. Sending you positive vibes, warmth, and light. Also, I'll put you in my prayers.

Jen, I'm on top of that mountain with you ... looking down at all creation and just marveling at how far we've come. You depict me so very much. Every day is a struggle, some more than others, but I also wonder when do we just get to enjoy the day? Everything in our life has changed. The only thing that is a constant, is that we know there is no constant. Big hugs to you.

Oh Just Jen, you deserve a good life & light! I think most men are babies when they don't feel 100%. (I know mine was.) I also have guilt. He died suddenly of a pulmonary embolism and I should have know something was wrong. I keep thinking I should have looked at his legs and should have seen some swelling. Maybe we all have guilt because they died and we had the audacity to continue to live and go on without them? I guess my punishment is to miss him for the rest of my earthly life.

I'm glad you all warned me. I was going to watch it tonight. But I think I'll pass. Don't need one more sad night in my life.