Trying

With 3 kids it's not something that happens very often but we have taken advantage of the kids being away a few times and been at my old house, in the bed and room I shared with DH. It was definitely a little weird at first but somehow easier than I had thought it would be. I had new bedding and put away my wedding photo and obvious things of Tim's that I still had out at that point out of respect for new guy. The first time was weird for him too and he was worried about how I would handle it and asked many times if I was alright. For me, having him in our old kitchen or fixing something in the old house was harder than the bedroom. In my new house I don't have the same reaction to him using the grill or fixing something. Side note, DH died in our bedroom, in a hospital bed right next to our bed, that probably should have made it harder but it didn't.

Count me in! My book club fell apart right around the time I lost DH, after over 10 years. I've had trouble reading much since he died.

I can't tolerate iron supplements and tend to be anemic. Spinach is my answer. I take a bag of baby spinach, wilt it for less than a minute in a nonstick pan with a tsp of olive oil, sea salt, pepper and nutmeg. It cooks down to just a small bowl and is warm and yummy (the nutmeg is so good with it!). also green smoothies with spinach, Apple, banana, lemon juice and ice. Way easier on the system than supplements and so healthy!

I am so sorry. I hope you are able to keep her comfortable. Big hugs to both of you!

(((CBB))) you can talk about it here. No one expects you to be encouraging masses right now with all you have been through, let us support you.

Deb I am so sorry that your mom is bringing her negativity into,your already difficult time. It's very hard to be around someone like that especially when you are grieving yourself and trying to move forward with your life the best way that you can. I know she didn't like the counseling but what if you told her that YOU needed to do some family counseling with her to help you. Then maybe some boundaries could be set on how she speaks around you. It's an incredibly tough situation. I had a few very negative people in my life that I had to limit my time with but they were friends, not my mom, so it was much easier.

I miss having the one person who loves my kids as much as I do. No one else can really celebrate the milestones and accomplishments with me or share the worry with me or talk out parenting decisions with me. He was the only one with the same level of emotional investment in them. Our values were the same but our approach was so different and we are all missing that. He was blunt, direct, say it like it is and get the job the done. He was the Yin to my Yang. I hate going through this life without my partner.

Being able to walk across the street and go out on my kayak or paddle board and be surrounded by the peace and beauty of the lake. This is what makes all of the stress of the move worth it. This is my new happy place.

SimiRed. You have got this! You are not cutting ties with a little scissor, you are severing those ties with an axe. Once that divorce is final you can really start to rebuild. You will look back on this some day and be amazed at your strength, a strength I think that was ignited by your deep mama bear instincts to protect your son. Your son now knows that he can count on you no matter how tough the crisis and that no woman should ever be treated the way you were. I am so proud of you and admire how steadfast you have been since you made that decision to walk out the door. Go in there on Monday, finish the job you started and slam the door shut on this chapter. You are on the last mile of a marathon and you can collapse when it's over because when you wake up Tuesday, you will know that you can accomplish anything!

I think reality really sets in and there is a certain fatigue about having to keep facing each day. I was very impatient with my grief and thought if I kept doing what I was "supposed to " do, it should get easier. When it didn't I was just worn out, hurting and exhausted by grief. I'm so sorry it's such a tough time, it does get better. The hard part is that there may be other low patches again so when you are feeling like its a good day you need to savor it and go with it and build your strength back up. I'm approaching 2 years in September and I can say now the waves are much further apart, shorter lasting, and don't drag me down so deep.

So glad your head is thinking clearly, the damn heart can really get us in trouble! Wanting a relationship, wanting someone to love and be loved by can cause us to overlook certain things, giving yourself time and distance to get clarity was so smart. I hope your heart catches up quickly so you can be open to other opportunities.

What on earth could the police have to talk to you about now?! How awful, can you have someone supportive with you? As for your coworker, you can bet that there are others he has harassed who never filed a complaint, good for you for handling it. Big hugs with these tough situations.

I have a big toaster oven that I use a lot to cook for just myself or if it's just me and youngest. Turning on the whole oven to cook one or two pieces of chicken or fish seems so wasteful or pathetic or something and things taste better than when microwaved, IMO. I will also grill everything, love grilled veggies and extras are great the next day on a salad. I'm trying to get new guy to cook for himself but he hates cooking for one and ends up eating horribly. Everything I suggest, he rejects. I actually like the nights I only have to cook for me because it means no one complains and I can have what I want. But I guess if it was always just me I might get sick and tired of it.

First, that would make me crazy to have little conversation or adult interaction in the evenings, unplug people, it's vacation! Second, I get your concerns about leaving your girls at the beach with people who are so distracted. How have they been at the beach on this trip? Do they have kids similar ages so you know how they are watching them? In the morning I would try again to have a conversation and add, "maybe I'm a little over protective but the other day DD was off down the beach before I knew it, I lost sight of her and it was a real anxious few moments for me, I hope it's not too stressful for you to keep a constant eye on her" I hope you are able to enjoy your lunch with your friend.

I'm so sorry Mel, our love for our pets and from them is so genuine and unconditional. Big hugs to you and your daughter.

MrsDan, I'm happy to see you posting but sorry to hear things are so rough. I was hoping that the move and new job would bring some light into your life. I have noticed that we don't seem to be getting many newbies and unfortunately I don't think it's because there are less of us out there. I'm pretty dense about how things like this work so I have no suggestions on how to make the site more visible. maybe it just takes time.

I think there is something about falling right into relationship mode and skipping the casual dating process. Is it an age thing or because we liked being married and that's what we're comfortable with? I don't really know but I hope you can just enjoy the fun, flirty, getting to know you part with this guy and see if he is worthy of being in a relationship with your fabulous self!

F*** the power company who turned off my electricity this morning and even though it was THEIR error, took 3 hours to turn it back on. F*** the cable company who I waited for all morning to come turn on my house phone (the one they were supposed to turn on 10 days ago) and they didn't show because I didn't answer my house phone! Yes, the phone that they haven't hooked up, the reason they were coming, if I could answer the phone I WOULDN'T NEED THEM!!!!

I can't even imagine all the emotions you are experiencing. It has to be scary and stressful and painful. We are here for you, to support you, to listen to you, to remind you how brave you are, and to cheer you on as you work to close this chapter and start the next.

-Pay bills and finish address changes -buy dress for wedding Friday -birthday present for mom -schedule electrician -schedule meeting about siding and windows -start looking for kitchen table -keep unpacking

I agree with Jess that it is vey individual, even what your definition of stuck is. The whys and what will help of course will vary person to person. I can only say I'm sorry that you are feeling this way, I have been there and I find that apathy about life is almost worse for me than the painful days. Here is what has helped me, maybe you can translate some of it into your own situation. I needed to be intentional about becoming unstuck. I looked into different aspects of my life where I was no longer finding inspiration or motivation and picked one to Focus on changing. For me, it was a BIG one. I needed to move, to downsize and simplify. Once I made that decision, I found myself easily making choices about professional satisfaction and health/fitness. It has now snowballed and I am "un sticking" in lots of areas in my life. I have a ways to go and all of this change has brought up some intense grief but I also feel self pride and excitement for the first time in 2 years. Change doesn't have to be as dramatic as moving or Changing jobs. It can be picking up a New hobby (or a long forgotten one), planning a trip somewhere, doing something out of your comfort zone, starting a fitness program, joining a meet up group. Something new and different. Then give yourself permission to enjoy it, to spend idle time planning, researching, daydreaming about it. And when you still need a day to step back and grieve, allow yourself that time too. I have had to realize that moving forward does not mean I am running away from or forgetting my past. My DH is a part of, 25 years of growing together and sharing life experiences. He is with me wherever I go and whatever I do and by deciding to keep living my life when his was cut dramatically short, is a way of honoring him. Good luck and be patient with finding your inspiration, it will come in time if you look hard enough.

New guy is back from his vacation and I will see him tomorrow. I'm feeling much more sane now so I hope we can be back to normal

This is why I still get annoyed with divorced people who share custody and try to commiserate about being a single parent. It's not the same when you don't get every other weekend kid free. That being said, I have control issues when it comes to my kids and I wouldn't have liked handing them over half the time and having no control of rules and discipline. But every other weekend kid free sounds like bliss some days. I'm down to 1 out of 3 that is too young to be left for me to go out for the evening but the teens pose other issues. Will they have girlfriend over when I'm out? Friends over and drinking or smoking pot? House a disaster and all of my food gone because they have friends over when watching their younger brother? Plus the older 2 have jobs and aren't always available to babysit. Still, I think carving out some adult time is important.

I have always been a rule follower, a planner, Miss Practical. I will be at 2 years in September and I am starting to embrace the spontaneous and the unexpected. Taking risks and going outside my comfort zone is the new way.

I so wish I was with you ladies! Have fun and yum on the dinner.