anniegirl Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 This was just shared on the YWBB FB group. They gave permission to share. We have faith that with all the new technology and social networks, the newbies will find their way, just as we found ours. the site wasn't there when I lost my husband. I had noone to connect with, no local groups, and nothing on line. I created it out of need. that will happen again. In fact, there are so many wonderful online resources now, we felt that everyone would find their way and be in good hands. It was a really hard decision and there were many board discussions about how to address our future. Please know we have always had everyone's best intentions in mind, and it's not that we stopped caring or have moved on and forgot about anyone. I am so beyond touched that this little idea of mine has grown to help so many. I'm glad I was able to help. Now I am helping in other ways, I run several local young widow support groups in my area. You and your buddies and the newbies.... I assure you someone will step up and create something even better than the ywbb. it was amazing at the time, but its time, not ours, has come. Thank you for reading this and understanding that it was a business decision made based on many factors that not everyone is aware of. Please feel free to share this message. thank you, Lauren Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HvnBound Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 I received the same exact message when I sent her a FB message. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OSAAT Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 This is exactly what I suspected. Glad someone was able to get the message and post it here. Thank you! And she was right. People stepped up out of desperation and did a wonderful job. I thoroughly enjoy this forum and layout. It is much more user friendly. I am quite sad at the loss of the history, but I have had to learn to go with the flow. It's not always easy, but it is the best option for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
singinmomo4 Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 Agree completely with kmouse. This board has the ability to be everything YWBB was and more. We have wonderful people who have stepped up to moderate the forum, something many believed would be a big help. New widows trying to join would often have weeks or even longer before their account would be approved, something that shouldn't happen now. YWBB saved my life and many others and all of that support and love has carried over to here and I'm grateful. Glad to be part of the new WIDDA!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baylee627 Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 Our site has changed, but our sense of community has not. I miss the ywbb, but it was certainly perceptible how little attention was being given to monitoring it by admin and mods (for a variety of undisclosed reasons). Baylee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrokenHeart2 Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 Sorry but this Lauren sounds pretty arrogant. How many times did she state I in her message? Business decisions based on many factors that we are not aware of, who's fault is that? I guess "you and your buddies and newbies....." Really, just wow. This one is a grief counsellor hmmmm. Us little pions will find our way. Please don't get me wrong, I am not even the least bit belittling the amazing work done by Jess and others to get this site up and running. I am extremely thankful that you did this. There, I feel better now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissingSquish Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 I am glad that there was some sort of official statement released. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stargazer74 Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 Ok, I'm going to throw my $0.02. I applaud the founders for creating the forum way back when. It was a good idea then, and it's a good idea now. The first part of her message kind of rubs me the wrong way though, "We have faith that with all the new technology and social networks, the newbies will find their way, just as we found ours. the site wasn't there when I lost my husband. I had noone to connect with, no local groups, and nothing on line. I created it out of need. that will happen again. In fact, there are so many wonderful online resources now, we felt that everyone would find their way and be in good hands." I am sorry for your loss, and I do mean that, because my grief is still fresh. Yeah, we did find our way, and one day that was taken away without any warning or good way to regroup. I think we all would have been a lot less traumatized if it had been announced and we could have made plans and got everyone notified of a new plan. It was a really hard decision and there were many board discussions about how to address our future. Please know we have always had everyone's best intentions in mind, and it's not that we stopped caring or have moved on and forgot about anyone. Ok, so if there were board discussions, you guys PLANNED on terminating like that? I am so beyond touched that this little idea of mine has grown to help so many. I'm glad I was able to help. Now I am helping in other ways, I run several local young widow support groups in my area. Well congrats, here's your pat on the back. BTW, everyone who is sitting behind a computer screen and posts though tears here is a real person too. You and your buddies and the newbies.... I assure you someone will step up and create something even better than the ywbb. it was amazing at the time, but its time, not ours, has come. Thank you for reading this and understanding that it was a business decision made based on many factors that not everyone is aware of. Please feel free to share this message. thank you, Lauren Yes, we have admins now who get it, and this experience will likely ensure that this kind of heartless action won't happen again, and as a "newbie" I am so glad for that. So sorry the YWBB wasn't turning a profit for you. If there was openness, then perhaps everyone who relied on the board would have a better understanding of your decision making process. Not bitter, better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alexswife Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 My thought is IF they really had to close the site, they could have done it in a much better way. We should have had some kind of warning before the just shut down the boards. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
allan Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 People move forward and the founders kept the site running for 12+years ,yes I was gutted and worried where I would get the feeling I was not mental when I received the news(thanks ac) and it was sudden and abrupt but slating them is harsh as they created this site when we were stood on chairs trying to get a signal on a mobile. People's lives change as we all know to well.If the mods and us lot give as much commitment the site will keep on moving forward. Change sucks.ywbb saw me through hard times and I hope this community will too. Alexswife I agree. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsDan Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 I don't take issue with the fact that they decided to shut it down. I take issue with how they did it. Here you have a group of people who have sustained tremendous trauma. Among them people who lost their spouses suddenly. Spouses who went to work, or the hospital and never came home. There were people there who woke up or came home to find their spouses gone. Their whole lives obliterated without warning. Many due to the nature of their spouse's death feel completely abandoned. And they crawled their way towards something to just help them push through, and find the rug pulled out from them yet again. I'm sorry but that is bullshit. It's inexcusable. I always checked ywbb after putting DD to bed. For some reason, that night I checked Facebook first, and saw a friend's posting about it. Soon I saw what Jess had done. If I had gone to ywbb and been hit with that, it would have been very bad for me. I also find the notion that we would just find our way disingenuous. If they really cared about us forging a new community, they would have given us abheads up to give us the opportunity to do that. Not everybody has PMs, or necessarily made "friends" there yet. Because your self esteem takes a hit when you're widowed and making new friends can be difficult. I worry about the people I never told how much they were valued and accepted and how they may feel being left out in the cold. I work in non profit; I understand hard decisions. But I really don't see how they can justify the way they handled this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lcoxwell Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 I don't take issue with the fact that they decided to shut it down. I take issue with how they did it. Here you have a group of people who have sustained tremendous trauma. Among them people who lost their spouses suddenly. Spouses who went to work, or the hospital and never came home. There were people there who woke up or came home to find their spouses gone. Their whole lives obliterated without warning. Many due to the nature of their spouse's death feel completely abandoned. And they crawled their way towards something to just help them push through, and find the rug pulled out from them yet again. I'm sorry but that is bullshit. It's inexcusable. I always checked ywbb after putting DD to bed. For some reason, that night I checked Facebook first, and saw a friend's posting about it. Soon I saw what Jess had done. If I had gone to ywbb and been hit with that, it would have been very bad for me. I also find the notion that we would just find our way disingenuous. If they really cared about us forging a new community, they would have given us abheads up to give us the opportunity to do that. Not everybody has PMs, or necessarily made "friends" there yet. Because your self esteem takes a hit when you're widowed and making new friends can be difficult. I worry about the people I never told how much they were valued and accepted and how they may feel being left out in the cold. I work in non profit; I understand hard decisions. But I really don't see how they can justify the way they handled this. I have been debating all day, on whether to post a comment here, or not. Somehow, I just could not find the exact words to express what I was thinking. This, however, exactly expresses my thoughts. It is like you reached into my mind and took what I was thinking and wrote it down, just how I wanted to say it. Thank you for wording this so eloquently! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsT85 Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 MrsDan, I agree wholeheartedly. I understand sometimes tough decisions need to be made. But they can be made tactfully and thoughtfully and in such a way that would minimize harm. If this was something they had been mulling over for as long as they imply, they could have given us all a warning so we could co-ordinate our next move out in the forums and as a community, rather than frantically and getting the word out through alternate channels. I thank you personally for sending me the text and letting me know. I saw the news as I was leaving work Friday, and then started slowly melting down over a couple-hour long train commute out to the burbs. I was so relieved. It was a badly needed life-preserver just as it was dawning on me that I was still too far out from land to make it there on my own. The response, however? You all couldn't have been more inspiring! I went from crying panic tears to tears of gratitude and happiness. I got PMs from members I'd never really had any contact with, letting me know where our new home was. And the way Jezzy and her team just sprang into action to set it all up. Wow. There are still days that I find just getting out of bed and facing the day exhausting, and I'm twice as far out as most of you. My sincerest thanks. Truly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smabify Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 I understand that the original founders have moved on, but I think that maybe they could have handled it better. If this was truly a decision made over time, I think that there could have been some warning as to what was happening. Even a few days to get a message out there and for us left in the trenches to band together. I have to agree with @brokenheart2 and @stargazer74 - it seems very cold and arrogant to me. It is very true that something needed to be done, moderators were needed and things needed to be passed along and changed. I am thankful to Jess and Justin for getting the site up so quickly! I just wish that it could have been better notice. As Mrs. Dan pointed out so eloquently, we have already been through trauma. We don't need our lifeline taken away as well as our spouse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
azjane Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 Yes, would have been nice if the owners had sent a mass email to all registered members with adequate notice for people to gather their old posts if they wanted to, etc. I just happened to visit the site and luckily had a pm in my box about the new site. I read my first posts at ywbb and just sobbed thinking of those times in my life and also thinking about the fun we had years ago in chat joking around till all hours of the night but always making sure if anyone was having a rough time to be sensitive and offer up support. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gabzmom Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 I get it was time to move on. And it was hard to breathe when you feel your life line was yanked out from under you. I think, if they were moving on, or it was too much, maybe asking if others wanted to step up as admin - that might have been the way to go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baylee627 Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 The attitude inherent in the post smacked of--"well, I've done my part in helping wids online, but I'm at a point where I've grown apathetic about that, but I'm awesome because--lookey-look--I'm STILL expending my charitable efforts helping local wids IRL. But y'all are survivors! Now..buh-bye" Two fingers firmly down throat. Yes, they did help innumerable wids in search of comfort over the years. But the way that they cut us off so abruptly, and with no offer to relinquish the site to a willing bunch of wids who would've gladly taken the reigns, put a bad taste in everyone's mouths and seemed unemotional and detached in its handling. Bottom line, it was poorly handled and the FB post was smug and discourteous. Baylee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bobssleepykitty Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 As I've said since this whole mess started, they knew they were going to do it way before they did it, and there is ABSOLUTELY no excuse for the way this was executed and handled. Not For Profits have a responsibility to the communities they serve, they come into existence because they see a need in a population or community that is not being served or underserved. If they can no longer meet that need, then they have an ethical obligation to provide more than lip service and to make the transition as easy as possible -not, "Sorry! Last call! We don't care what you do, you just can't do it here!" It's not an issue of making a profit; NFPs can make money, it just goes back to the organization and nobody on the board of directors is allowed to make any money. The question is if the YWBB wasn't making money as an NFP, then why not? What kind of additional fundraising efforts outside of placing a "donate" button on the site were done? The statement reads more like an explanation to a kindergartener as to why we're not going to Disney instead of an actual admission that the Board screwed up, they were not transparent, and they are genuinely sorry. It borders on "Mansplaining" or maybe it's "Widsplaining". A simple, "yeah, we effed up; yeah we're sorry; we really screwed pooch, and here's why" would have been better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sugarbell Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
singinmomo4 Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 Everyone, please, I know everyone is upset about the loss of YWBB, but is this really the way we want this site to start? With so much anger about things we have no control over? I've dealt with anger over so many things in my life, the death of my husband being #1 at the top of the list but I really want this place to be a place of comfort. Take a look at our theme picture at the top. Two hands coming together to form a W with the pickies together forming a heart. It's all about love, acceptance, support. I really hope that everyone here can try to focus on what we want this place to be and work on bringing here the best of YWBB, the love. Regardless of how we got here, we are here, just like we entered widowhood. Let's focus on the love and support and not the circumstances that brought us all together here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest AC Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 I just accidentally removed my post trying to edit. From about three down. I won't type out the whole thing again and I apologize for disrupting the continuity of the thread. I will summarize to say the entire situation is what it is. That explanation is malarkey. If it made you angry - me too. It is a valid feeling. All our varied feelings surrounding these events are valid. IMO, we can share that here Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr C Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 For a couple days I have been trying to bite my tongue (or hold back my typing fingers)..... But that was a bullshit statement after a cold-hearted move. I will defer the rest of my response to Mrs. Dan as she said it much more tactfully than I would of. :-X Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
singinmomo4 Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 Well, I just think, in the grand scheme of things and after we've all already lost what is most important in our lives, a loved one, and not just any loved one, but our partner in life, that as upset as I am about losing the resource of YWBB (and I am upset) I'd rather focus on making Widda every bit as good if not better and being here to help others the way I was helped. I'm thankful that the founders started YWBB. I'm thankful that an extremely smart wid or wids among us was wise enough to have this site ready for us to move to so quickly. I'm thankful that many of our ranks have found their way here. I'm thankful for the many, many, widda friends I've made who hold me up whenever I need it and 5 years later, I still need it. I have high hopes for this site but I don't want the main focus as this site starts to be anger about how we got here. I instead want the focus of this site, starting out to be how we can turn a shitty situation around and give new and not so new wids the support they need. You know, there have been many times on the old YWBB that I got my panties in a twist over stupid shit. We all do. But now, let's focus on everything we still have rather than what we don't. Let's focus on how we can do things better rather than everything someone else did wrong. Actually, as new wids find their way here, I don't want the first thing they read to be everything that pissed us off about the ending of YWBB, instead I want it to be that we are sorry they had to find their way here but glad that they did and that we are here to listen, ((((hug)))), cry and laugh with them as they navigate this new life they have entered into. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rifatheroffour Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 ^^^^THIS^^^^ I like this! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eddienhp Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 I'm grateful to Lauren and the early founders for starting the ywbb.org. However the discontinuing of the site should have AND could have been handled in a MUCH better way. I know there are business issues involved since they were organized as a 501c3. In NY a minimum of 3 board of directors are needed to keep a 501c3 active. Maybe there weren't enough board members to keep it going. However, a business goes through a wind down period when it is closed. The ywbb site should have had a week or two notice so users could transition. It was too abrupt and only catered to the adminstration's needs. The action traumatized many who were already dealing with a tragic life event. I'm surprised as I read Lauren's statement she runs support groups for the widowed. It makes her abrupt shut down of the site even more shocking. Like many have said, it wasn't the shut down itself. It was the way it was handled. Just my $.02. There is something amazing that arose out of the devastation. Look at those of you who had a new venue set up within an incredibly short time. Let's also not forget how you reached out to make sure the news of a new home would be known. Eileen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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