Carey Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 I have nothing to add other than ditto to Mrs.Dan AND to those who expressed that we have a fresh start here with unlimited potential and we KNOW more care will be taken with the newbies as far as being let in as soon as they come knocking. I am in awe of all that has been done here in so little time and will be forever grateful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chrispy89 Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 what is this facebook page people keep speaking of? What's the name of it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gretchen437 Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 what is this facebook page people keep speaking of? What's the name of it? Chrispy89 I was completely unaware of any facebook ywbb group too. Ditto the countless others about how painful the way they decided to close ywbb. I was going through an incredibly tough week and the sudden closing of ywbb sent me into a bad emotional spin out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DonnaP Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 The statement reads more like an explanation to a kindergartener as to why we're not going to Disney instead of an actual admission that the Board screwed up, they were not transparent, and they are genuinely sorry. I wasn't appeased by the explanation either. They might as well have said: "oh, did that bother you. Oh well." I know I'm not alone when I say that YWBB was a lifesaver for many of us. Even those who didn't post frequently, but just went there to feel validated and not alone. That is why I am SO grateful that this new site came together so quickly. You all are amazing!!!!! HUGS, Donna Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JacklessSally Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 The attitude inherent in the post smacked of--"well, I've done my part in helping wids online, but I'm at a point where I've grown apathetic about that, but I'm awesome because--lookey-look--I'm STILL expending my charitable efforts helping local wids IRL. But y'all are survivors! Now..buh-bye" Glad I am not the only one who thought this when I read it.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest look2thesky Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 Just the way they closed it was really abrupt, the FB message just seemed forced. "I'm sure newbies will find their way", "plenty of resources". Really I thankful for the many interactions everyone had, but there are really no other sites where people could interact the way it seemed. This new site (thank you again by the way), it's true. Can be better than the old site. I think it's a great start. The layout, yes will take a bit of getting used to, and all the familiar categories are in place. It's just a bit concerning that there was no warning. And when people, especially newer members, are in need of someone to talk, interact with, and the platform is abruptly abandoned, it just hits hard. So a newer, better place is exciting. Wow what an effort from the people here. You guys ROCK !!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest look2thesky Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 And starting as a newbie again. Lol I am 5.3 years out. ; ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anniegirl Posted March 11, 2015 Author Share Posted March 11, 2015 Chrispy89, the FB group is called YWBB'ers. I don't know who started it. It was a bit derelict and when the board closed suddenly, someone began adding all the former active members to the group, which is how I got on. It grew by about 150 over the last weekend with people just adding as they were added. It's mostly old members. Anyone is welcome as far as I know. One thing to add about the abrupt closure, which I have mentioned to a few ppl privately but didn't want to speculate much on in an open forum (because it's just guessing) is that there may be legal actions going on that the founders aren't able to discuss. Just a "food for thought". But that shouldn't have prevented a bit more kindness in the way things were handled. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobFTC Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 The YWBB group on Facebook I use is literally "YWBB". It's closed, and any current member who is your FB friend can add you. It doesn't really get a lot of traffic, but was a handy bridge last weekend. I see "YWBB'ers" as well; there are always so many FB groups. Mary, I don't know why you would expect people not to vent about how ywbb's final stages went, and this one thread doesn't make this a "main focus". I am glad you are more charitable to the founders, I am not so much. I helped take a 501©(3) through the transition from founders to next generation, filing their IRS application for determination of status along the way. I also ran a dialup BBS (gawd!) back in the day. It was unnecessary for ywbb to die when the founders were done with it, as it is normal for 501©(3)'s to change out board members. If ywbb was to die, I know I shut down my little BBS more gracefully. It's sad, but these decisions do taint the way I think of the founders. Take care, Rob T Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
canadiangirl Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 I don't think as a community we should dwell and I think that perhaps this thread should not always be pinned so it is not the first thing new widows see. I do think as a community former YWBBers will eventually "get over it." Then I hope this thread will fade into history. BUT I also think, just like grief, it is not realistic to expect people to repress the anger they may feel about this, because I think acknowledging it will help people move on from it. I don't think the anger is disproportionate - I don't believe people are getting their knickers in a twist over something minor. Many people relied on the YWBB board as part of their mental well-being. For many people, it was their only record of their darkest moments. For many couples, their written history. It's like the YWBB bore witness in a secular sense. For me, it was and I hope this new board will be, the only place I can vent and speak about what is truly going on because in real life (IRL) I suck it up - no one wants to hear about the widow s--t sandwich. And speaking of IRL, thinking a FB page and PMs will be a panacea to keep people connected undermines the whole point of the board, which is that it is ANONYMOUS, a key protection. The abrupt closure and this statement from the founder is "fresh" news. Acknowledging anger, in my opinion, does not detract in any way from the amazing initiative taken by those who set up this board and it will not take/it is not taking away from the love and support which is already being expressed in many other threads already. I am grateful to the founders of YWBB and I am sorry if they are facing legal action (I suspect this as well). I think this will be a safe place. Something beautiful rising from the ashes. But I think it's okay, normal and logical to survey the ashes right now. It's where I still am as a widow too. It is not right to focus on what is lost on-and-on forever. And someday I/we will get there too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginger Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 I don't know why you would expect people not to vent about how ywbb's final stages went, and this one thread doesn't make this a "main focus". As a longtime member (joined July 2003) I am very grateful for the founders of the original board. Their insight to create such a supportive place to grieve and let out all the emotions and feelings that most people can't understand was wonderful. That being said, I do believe there would have been a kinder and more supportive way to close the board. The abruptness and lack of empathy for newbies and all members of the board seems heartless. I have to agree with Rob. This one thread doesn't make it the main focus of this new board. I think members need a place to vent about their feelings concerning the abrupt closing of the board. And since there was no opportunity to do it on the old board, it's seems a natural place to do it here. Plus it is really a piece of history for why this new board came about. I don't feel that it detracts from the purpose of this board but shows how necessary it is to have an outlet for our feelings during a time of grief. Hoping this new board will continue to provide the support and camaraderie that the old one did, Ginger Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catnip Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 I'm just concerned that people from YWBB will be able to find our new home here. I was reading YWBB over the weekend and noticed that it wasn't very busy. Then I noticed that there were no new posts. Then I noticed that you couldn't post. Admin. had not yet posted about its closing. I happened to read Maureen's post where, in red, it caught my attention that there was another site. But then that closed, which brought me here. Whew! This is my first post here! I'm new again! Thanks to all who are running this place. My husband was a computer person for over 20 years. How I miss him keeping my computer up and running. It's now up to my kids. Peace to all, ~Catnip Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
petesgirl77 Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 I will always be grateful to the founders of YWBB, but.... The statement reads more like an explanation to a kindergartener as to why we're not going to Disney instead of an actual admission that the Board screwed up, they were not transparent, and they are genuinely sorry. It borders on "Mansplaining" or maybe it's "Widsplaining". A simple, "yeah, we effed up; yeah we're sorry; we really screwed pooch, and here's why" would have been better. This^^ After the shock of such an abrupt closing, I honestly would have rather they said nothing than that patronizing statement. We're working through the emotional tailspin this sent many of us on and it might be a minute. But no, I'm not planning on staying angry forever; onward and upward. Especially with this fantastic new board and how great to see so many vets here posting. With this group, I have no doubt about one of Lauren's comments, this will be better than YWBB. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
singinmomo4 Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 Mary, I don't know why you would expect people not to vent about how ywbb's final stages went, and this one thread doesn't make this a "main focus". I am glad you are more charitable to the founders, I am not so much. Well, I'm glad it was unpinned. That took a lot of the focus off of the thread. When it was pinned at the top of the page it did make it a "main focus" because it was always at the top and highlighted. I don't know if I would describe myself as charitable to the founders, I just really want the start of this board to be on a more positive note and at the time I wrote my comment it seemed more focus was on anger over how the old site shut down than on the wonderful new site we have. I'm glad to see that seems to have turned around a bit. I guess with all the turmoil in my life lately, how the old site closed down and losing the archived records just seems very insignificant lately in comparison especially now that we have the new site. I wasn't particularly happy with the proboards site but this one makes me smile. I have a lot on my plate right now, things most people don't know that I may write about later in another post but it just really puts things into perspective and makes me thankful for what is instead of what isn't. I might not feel that way if my life wasn't completely upside down right now. Maybe that's a silver lining within all the turmoil, it keeps me grounded about the things that are truly important. There's only so much stress and anxiety one person can take so when I'm able to let some of the lesser anxieties go, that's a good thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DonnaP Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 Does anybody know whether the site will simply vanish on March 15? Wasn't that the date they listed it would be open for PMs until? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anniegirl Posted March 11, 2015 Author Share Posted March 11, 2015 The board will be kept open until March 20th. After that it will vanish. Some of the inactive YWBB members put enough pressure on one of the founders to get her to inquire about the possibility of the site being maintained as an archive only. Lauren's FB note was the response to that. The board will disappear. Anything that remains will be what members have gone in and salvaged - and there are people doing that. Frantically. I was rather surprised when this post was pinned and am glad it was unpinned. It needn't be a controversy but everyone has the right to express their opinion about the closing of the board and the way it was handled. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vettie Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 I really do want to thank the individuals, who I have never had any real contact with, for PMing me to let me know where we were going. It was really appreciated...thanks again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobFTC Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 I have a lot on my plate right now, things most people don't know that I may write about later in another post but it just really puts things into perspective and makes me thankful for what is instead of what isn't. (((Hugs))), Mary, as always. Take care, Rob T Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 Thank you @anniegirl. I wish it wasnt true but I'd rather know that it is coming. wishing everyone some peace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OSAAT Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 Thank you SM04 for stating exactly what I saw and felt. I put in my two cents and watched the ranting continue. I am sad at the loss of the posts and old timers, but have had to learn to adapt to life. Yes, it is sad and you can be angry, but why start a new board on that note? No one needs to like or understand the reasoning behind it closing (i don't), but we need to move forward. We have a brand new opportunity here. I am also glad it was unpinned. No need for that at all. HUGE HUGS MARY! I am glad to see you popping up on the boards again! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
azjane Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 I think what triggered me the most was that it was a biz decision. I dont know about anyone else but who does biz like this? Awful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrokenHeart2 Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 I agree Azjane. Who does business like this and it is aweful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Kamcho Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 I thought it was a legal decision and/or someone was suing them and they were under an NDA. Reading this? Is she frustrated bc she never launched a successful "professional widow" career? It ultimately doesn't matter. I am grateful to the creators of the new board, and I do hope that the moderators will be diverse and hands off, and that newbies will be added to their ranks as this board ages. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest nonesuch Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 Let me be clear: Technically: the founders owed nothing to anybody. I get that, I understand that running a site like that probably involved a huge investment of time. That being said, this was not a forum for sewing or beer-brewing. To carefully consider the implications of her actions, and to decide to suddenly deactivate a support system with little warning indicates seriously faulty thinking. Her post rings of irritation and martyrdom. It would have required no more effort to post an announcement that the site would close in 60 days...and it could have been done two and a half years ago, when widows were clamoring to get in, and no one was approving members. That would have saved Lauren 30 months or so of resentment. I sincerely hope the founder is supervised or assisted by professionals in her interactions with widows IRL. That way should she tire of her duties and walks away suddenly, someone will be there to provide help to those who relied on her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anniegirl Posted March 12, 2015 Author Share Posted March 12, 2015 One thing about the founders that was apparent even back in 2006 when I first registered was that they were very, very hands off. It was the second generation of wids who tried (and gave up in exhausted frustration) to moderate and provide some kind of order to the board (which by then was in its 3rd incarnation). I always viewed the founders (aside from Teal, who occasionally posted) as being like the gods of Olympus after they'd retreated to the mountain top to leave the mortals to fend for themselves. They were "there" but only in an abstract way and had more important things to attend to than the concerns or needs of the people though they would - in rare instances - intervene. An interesting thing about the notice they did put up is that it makes no mention of the archives being open. Only the pm system. This leads me to speculate that technically, the entire board is off limits to salvage because of whatever legal action is shutting it down (speculation again, I admit). That they are passive-aggressively allowing us in and saying nothing about the downloading and sharing some of us are doing might seem like a small concession but if they are being legally threatened, it's a huge risk and a subtle gesture of good intentions. I never much cared for the founders. They allowed too much bad behavior back in my day but I am glad the board existed. I am living a completely different life now because it did and I owe that to them in no small way. And I appreciate the opportunity the closing gave for the formation of a new board that I feel has even more potential to be a good, helpful and healing place. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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