And I cried..

[Sugarbell]

Super busy day....work, golf match, gymnastics, planning my sons bday party...homework, baths, laundry....

 

Crashed in bed talked to NG on ohone...talked about weekend plans....was upbeat.

 

Then after everyone I knew was asleep...turned off the light and I cried...

 

Like I cry every year on Sept 24....The night he took his life. In recent years...life is good and full....

 

But like clockwork I cry when the day is over. It's been 8 years....it doesn't consume my day...but I will probably cry in the dark for about 10 minutes on this day for the rest of my life.

 

Then Sept 25th will be here....And life will go on as normal.

 

But tonight...I had my yearly private cry.

 

I will love him till I die. I have just learned to keep most of those feelings now to myself. Even though I love another now...I still cry because this is the day my life changed forever.

 

 

[widowat33]

Just wanted to send you a huge hug, Sugarbell!

It's amazing how that one date on the calendar is just another day to everyone else but holds so much significance for us, the day our lives would be forever changed.

[THATgurl]

How can the years be so long and so short all at once?  Sending love, peace, happiness and cherished memories.

 

 

[Gabzmom]

Sending you hugs. I am so sorry. 

[BrokenHeart2]

Awe SB. Big giant hugs to you. Probably feels like an eternity and yesterday at the same time.

[Euf]

((Hugs))    "That" day so often can take on a life of its own.

[SoVerySad]

Tight hugs to you, SB....

[Virgo]

Hugs!

[Wheelerswife]

Hugs, Sugarbell.  I hear you.

 

Maureen

[SimiRed]

{{{Hugs}}}

 

Eight years, but that day still comes...and it will always have an impact on us.  Time is a strange thing, sometimes it feels as though it stops, other times, we can't get it to slow down. 

 

 

[Catnip]

Your love for him still shines through.

 

We can love our children, love pizza and love my NY Yankees, but the love of our spouse is powerful. I can hardly imagine experiencing the love of God in heaven one day.

 

There are many cutesy sayings, including my signature line, but this says it all:

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. 1 Corinthians 13:13.

 

Peace to you,

~Catnip

 

[IfIonlycould]

 

But like clockwork I cry when the day is over. It's been 8 years....it doesn't consume my day...but I will probably cry in the dark for about 10 minutes on this day for the rest of my life.

 

I will love him till I die. I have just learned to keep most of those feelings now to myself. Even though I love another now...I still cry because this is the day my life changed forever.

 

 

 

 

Exactly SB...... ((((((((((HUGS))))))))

[AndysWife]

I hear you too SB.

[Bear Tomás]

(((bear hugs))) SB.

[Mizpah]

The first widower I met after DH died was about 15 years out.  In one of our conversations, he told me that he doesn't talk about it or let himself hurt or think/feel about it anymore, except once a year on the date.  He said on that date, he takes time alone and "opens up that box," not a physical box, but allows himself the sadness and the thoughts and memories.  Not the same exact thing, but your post reminded me of the things he said.  In the beginning, we live inside that box.  Now sometimes we let ourselves open it, or it opens itself and pulls us near.  I'm thinking of you.

[trying2breathe]

SB  Big ((( hugs)))

[cmf]

I think our bodies have some sort of clock, and the body just remembers from the season or the way the sun rises at the same angle or the same pollen is in the air. It is visceral.  Am thinking of you.  Hugs.

 

 

 

 

 

_______________________________

VDS 11/8/59-8/22/10

[Sugarbell]

It's usually a quiet cry then exhaustion. For some reason...the 24th-27th is always super busy (boys at homecoming game, oldest dance, then his buddies spending night...Sat is the walk..then 2 baseball games...then middle sons party...

 

And the cloud over my head. It's also always very nice...sunny beautiful 70 weather...every year (and I love fall)... but I selfishly wish it would rain or be cold or really hot...Something different..

 

But life is good..it's a new day...by next week everything will be completely back to my now reality. (Which is good)

[singinmomo4]

((((((SB))))))))

 

You put it all into words so well. 

 

((((((MORE HUGS))))))

[Jen]

(((((((HUGS)))))))))

[momtokam]

Big hugs to you SB....

 

It really is imbedded in our being...it just flows and maybe for a purpose.

I feel him more sometimes during these cries. Almost like maybe he is crying with me, letting me know he is missing us too.

[Sugarbell]

Thanks guys. This week I am back to my reality normal...And it's a humid 85 degrees with scattered rain showers-back to summer weather.

 

But it's always...for the past 8 years...Beautiful fall 65-70 degree sunny weather from the 24-27. The seasons changing to fall still gets me. I think it probably always will.

[Guest TooSoon]

Just wanted to say, you're pretty amazing.  An annual cry sounds very healthy.  Lots of love to you all from us, a little late.  xo

[lcoxwell]

I haven't had time to be around much, so I missed this, when you first posted it. Like Mizpah, I have a friend, who lost his first wife about 20 years ago. He and I have had a few conversations about how he still thinks of her, every day, and how he always feels the loss a bit more around the time of her death. I think it speaks to the love that was shared, to take a few minutes to think of them and to miss them, whether it has been a month, a year, or twenty years. (((Hugs)))

[twistedmensa]

Sending hugs. Glad you got through it. I've been hiding in my cave, the 25th was DH's b-day...so you weren't crying alone.