Virgo

Thinking of you SR!

We had a family wedding this morning/afternoon. A friend of mine is in a band and he had a gig tonight, so I took my two older daughters with me to listen to him play. Fun day!

Showing the house is the worst part of selling. I thought it was worse than packing. Yes, just breathe. You're getting a lot accomplished in a short amount of time. You can only do so much.

My triceps are so sore my hands feel numb. My legs are sore too. I've been working out, but haven't been posting. I'm working on eating more fibrous carbs and less simple carbs.

Landscaping maintenance is on my list too! I'm just waiting for a nice day. We've had a lot of rain. I detailed the interior of my Jeep yesterday. It needed it desperately. It needs a good wash and wax, but again I'm waiting for some nice weather. I went through the basement and gathered more items to take to the dump. Years worth of paint cans and remnants from house projects. Why do we save stuff we think we might need later? It feels good clearing things out. We have family visting from out of town this week, so I'm not sure what I'll get accomplished. I did pick up some more paint Thursday for two of my painting projects. We'll see I guess.

June 22, 1992 my husband and I went on our first date. I was 16, he was 17. He was so awkwardly nervous it was sweet. To preoccupy my thoughts I did something today that he would normally have done (and enjoyed.) I detailed the interior of my Jeep. Phil was a car guy. He kept our cars immaculate, his squad car too. He was the type to even polish the tires. The condition of our interior probably would have made him physically sick. I got into his tote of car cleaners and chose a few items. I took a few pictures of how he had everything organized first. I kept the Jeep in the garage because it was forecasted to rain. Although it never rained. It was a beautiful day! Then I turned on the radio and got started. About four hours later, the interior is spotless and smells amazing! The whole time I was working on the Jeep there was a large butterfly that kept following me around (in the garage.) At one point it landed on me. I didn't detail the exterior because of the rain that was forecasted. It needs to be done too though.

I think guarding ourselves from the pain of our past is a natural response, but not always the best. Once in awhile we have to feel our memories to help us move forward, baby steps. I think it's great that you're walking. It sounds like it's your 'therapy.' A way to work through your emotions and frustrations. It's healthy physically and mentally. The lonliness is awful. I've decided to focus more on what I do have instead of what I don't have. It helps. I'm working on me, and doing things that I enjoy. If I find an awesome guy along the way, great.

I'm so sorry. Cancer is awful.

Congratulations!

I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you find some comfort reading and sharing here.

You shouldn't feel like you were whining. I'm sure someone here could probably relate to whatever it is you were wanting to express.

I'm marking more items off of my list. My daughters and I worked on cleaning out the garage more again today. We worked for about 6 hours. Tomorrow I have someone coming to give me an estimate on hanging insulation and drywall. Hopefully this estimate is more reasonable then that last estimate I got. I have 5 gallons of change ready to take to the bank. My Jeep is loaded for a run to the dump. I already made another trip to the Good Will. I also made it to the gym today!

I can understand why you are weirded out. Being widowed again is always a possibility though, no guarantees. My grandmother lost three men in her life. My grandfather, her second husband (after they divorced), and a boyfriend after him. I'm sure she felt like a black widow, but she remarried a third time and they've been together for 24 years. I know you didn't ask for advice, and I honestly don't know how I would react in this situation, but I think I might give the guy a first date. If it didn't turn out to be love connection maybe it would be a great friendship. Plus you would give him something to look forward to during his recovery.

That's a lot going on at once Gretchen. I hope coming out to everyone gives you some relief, and your health issues improve.

He would be proud of you! It's not good to hold the tears back all of the time. I cried in front of my bible group Wednesday. I just couldn't hold it in. Our topic was joy. The question was, "what stops you from feeling joy?" My answer was, "when I do experience joy I can't help but think about how my husband isn't there to experience it with me." Shaky lip, then tears. I couldn't hold it back even though I tried. I don't like crying in front of others.

1. MamaZ- Maybe a friend would be interested in joining you for some of those activities? If not I'm sure there are classes or groups that you can join. I'm on the other side of the sahm vs working mom wars. Lol! Basically, what works for one family might not work for another. Tell her to mind her own business. She's not raising your kids.

Thanks for sharing the link. I'll check it out. I'm starting to dread talking to my dad which is awful I know. Hopefully your boss will realize sketchy needs to go.

I have some issues I'm wondering about myself. I'm planning on scheduling an appointment to discuss it with my doctor but I'm going to see about getting a life insurance policy first. I'm figuring I'll have to get a physical for the life insurance anyway. Stress is hard on the body. My mother in law has been dealing with a body rash for months. She's convinced that it's grief and stress related. She has been seeing her doctor and using different creams and medicines.

Just looking at the 'how to chat' thread and wondering if all of the links take you to the same chat room? I was able to get through with option A, but not B. I didn't try the others. It looks like I'm the only one right now.

I'm 39 too Jen, 40 in August. To young to be celibate.

I spoke with my brother about taking my dad to an AA meeting, but he didn't think my dad would stay even if we managed to trick him into going. I have talked to my dad several times about his drinking. Even yesterday during our conversation I told him that instead of changing his fencing maybe he should just start making time for other things besides going out and drinking. I agree about the STDs too, but I can't really make him use protection. Something else my brother mentioned was that maybe my dad has lost the will to live. He just doesn't care anymore what happens to him because he misses our mom so much. I can understand that, but I know my dad wouldn't want to intentionally hurt everyone that cares about him. I just think that he alcohol has taken over. I wish that I could get other relatives to realize that instead of enabling him. When he goes out drinking he's usually with his siblings. When I talk to them I hear, "he's an adult and can make his own decisions." "He just misses your mom." "He needs the escape." I miss my mom. I miss my husband. I'm not an alcoholic. He NEEDS help.

((hugs)) I hope that you're able to keep them.

I talked to my dad yesterday. He is a mess. I talked to my brother and he seems a little more concerned, but still feels that there's nothing we can do. He feels my dad has to want to make the changes. I agree, but I wish there was something I could do. My dad hasn't been maintaining his yard. I'm actually suprised he's maintaining his house. The grass was about knee high until his neighbors got tired of it and mowed the front yard for him. He thought that was funny. I guess another neighbor said they thought he might be ill or in the hospital. He thought that was funny too. My dad was telling me yesterday that he's actually considering getting new fencing and gate so a larger mower can get into his back yard. That way he can hire it done. I wouldn't have an issue with that if his reasoning wasn't so that he would have more time to go out and drink. All he talks about is going to bars and women. He's still 'got it.' A lot of what he shares with me is inappropriate, or to much information. I don't want to know all of that! Please dad, if you're considering a threesome don't tell me!! (That was during our conversation yesterday.) I just told him to protect himself. lol He didn't seem to think that was necessary 'at his age.' Wow. So, this is what I'm dealing with.

She got her driver's permit today. I can't believe my 'baby' is driving! I just had to share. Her sisters went along with us. When we were pulling into a parking spot at the DMV a song that they sang with their dad all of the time came on. We all looked at each other and smiled. She immediately said, "I'm going to pass my test today."