Virgo

I'm sorry you are dealing with this. I went through the same thing and it was awful. I was told that my daughters and I would have insurance for 30 days after my husbands death. What a shock! I thought I would at least have 6 months. I started making wellness appointments for all of us before our insurance was cancelled. Then I started making phone calls. First I was told my monthly payment through Cobra would be around $325/mo. The police department said they would make the payments for me for the first year. I felt relieved. Then after more communications I was told the Cobra payment would be closer to $1200/mo. No way I could afford that, and the police department wouldn't be able to help me with that monthly amount either. I kept going back and forth with the insurance company. Finally they said, "oh you're covered under death benefits" Same coverage, FREE, for 5 years. I'm convinced that they were just waiting for me to pay for Cobra so they wouldn't have to cover me. So aggravating! My advice is to keep calling. Make sure you're not covered under death benefits.

First of all, hugs to you! I also have that feeling of not wanting to do this all by myself anymore, but less often then before. I'm actually having that feeling now. It seems more prevalent when I'm physically or mentally exhausted. Being an only parent is difficult. Kudos to you for braving a road trip with your family though!!! That is something I'm not ready for at all. To be honest, I'm a little worried about making a four hour trip to an indoor waterpark with my three daughters this summer.

I just don't understand how people think you can just get over such a loss. You never get over it, it just lessens over time. How do you think your new guy would feel about going with you? I'm not in a relationship, not even dating, but if I was going to take someone with me it would probably be family. Otherwise I would prefer to go alone. I can see why you wouldn't want to go alone though because of the drive. Maybe you could plan a day trip with your new guy and just ask for privacy while at the cemetery?

I hope your mood improves. Are you planning something fun for new beau's birthday?

I'm sorry. I didn't realize Chrohn's disease was hereditary. I can't imagine going through that with multiple relatives. ((hugs))

NeedyToo - I'm sorry you're feeling excluded and unappreciated. Not only will you landscaping work add value but it's also giving you something to focus on. I see nothing wrong with that. How old are your kids? Depending on their ages I might just share with them how you feel.

I was given gift cards for a pedi/mani, haircut/style, and a 30 minute massage for Christmas. I finally feel up to going and I notice there is an expiration date on all three of the gift cards, 6 months from the date 12/9. I'm going to call tomorrow to see if they'll make an exception. I had no idea they had an expiration date. They were given to me by an organization called the Christmas Commandos. They surprised me and my daughters Christmas morning with a huge box of gifts. I really hope they wave the expiration date. Who wants a pedicure when it's snowing and cold outside anyway? lol

My in-laws are awesome! My father in-law came by to mow our lawn while my two older daughters helped me in the landscaping. While we were working in the yard my mother in-law was making us dinner. So nice!

My DH said that from diagnosis until the end. Yes IT sucks! ((hugs))

I'll hold your earrings.

Yes! I wish it was just a bad dream, and I will always love my husband.

No exciting plans here either. Our relatives flew out Thursday, so I've been catching up on laundry and cleaning. I pretty much let it all go for a week while they were visiting. I had plans to start a painting project, but I haven't really been motivated today. I had an emotionally stressful day yesterday.

I'm so sorry. I hope the medical staff is able to keep your dad comfortable, and you are able to find your inner strength. You can. You will. I can sadly relate to a lot of what you posted. My mom died just 3 months before my husband did. She had ALS, awful disease. A good friend of ours was diagnosed with multiple myeloma just a few weeks after my husband was diagnosed with leukemia (ALL.) He will be starting his third round of chemo. My dad has cirrhosis. I just don't think my daughters and I could handle another loss. I am hoping my dad will stop drinking, but I don't see that happening. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have my daughters to provide for. They definitely put things into perspective for me.

I am in chat.

Divorce lawyers are rejoicing. They just increased their clientele base. To soon?

I could ramble off all of the cliches that we normally hear, "you'll know when it's right" "it will happen when you least expect it to" "you're trying to hard (or not hard enough.)" Blah, blah, blah. I'll just say that I know how you feel. I can't imagine being alone the rest of my life, but I can't imagine being with anyone else either. I haven't dated yet, but I have been thinking about it a lot lately. I would love to go out and have a nice conversation with a man. The physical attention would be nice too.

Sorry Rob! My mother in-law always makes sure my daughters don't forget mother's day. Otherwise I'm not sure they would think about it either. My daughters and I spent Father's day with my father in-law. He went to church with us in the morning. We took him out for lunch. After lunch he helped my oldest daughter mow our lawn. Then I insisted he stay for dinner and I grilled. I left a message for my dad, but he's out drinking most weekends these days. I ended up talking to him Monday.

I think I would have said, "I have no idea what you are talking about" to my neighbor and gone from there. I wouldn't have mentioned it to my kids until I got the neighbor's side of things first. If your neighbor saw police cars in your neighborhood you might be able to call the police department and inquire. That would have blindsided me too. Let us know what you find out.

Yes, I would definitely talk to them about it. We were open and honest about my husband's leukemia from the very beginning.

Wonderful news!

I hope your brother gets some answers soon. Not knowing makes it worse. ((hugs))

Not a bitch at all. Your feelings are valid. It sounds like our mil's are similiar as far as how they grieve. My mil is the type that has a shrine in her house, and that's just not me. She has actually made comments as to how I should put up his picture with his badge and flag. He would have laughed. He wouldn't have wanted a shrine of any type either. To be honest, I decided to have a burial for my husband with my in-laws in mind. I knew it was important to them. They visit all of their deceased relatives and decorate their graves. I just try to remember that we all grieve differently. There's no right or wrong. I lost a husband, they lost their son.

He's awesome! I feel like I probably overshare, but I feel so comfortable sharing with him and knowing he's not judging me.

It is interesting to see how people filter their conversations around us wids. I had a friend that started to complain to me about father's day, but then changed the topic really quick. I told him it was ok to go ahead and vent away.

I miss our unspoken language. The inside jokes. Quoting from movies and songs. We could just look at each other a certain way and essentially have an understanding as to what the other was thinking. The laughter, fun, and of course the affection.