Virgo

I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you find the comfort, understanding, and support that you're looking for here. This group has brought me a lot of comfort and made me feel less alone. I'm also a cancer widow. My husband was diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic leukemia in October 2013 and he died in February 2014. He was 38 when diagnosed and died one week after his 39th birthday. He was healthy, worked out 5 days a week, non-smoker, not a drinker, no recreational drugs, rarely sick. I have asked myself the same questions that you mentioned. How? Why? What if? ((hugs))

Milestones are bittersweet. ((hugs)) I watched a friend's son graduate high school last year and bawled. I couldn't stop thinking about watching my daughters graduate without their dad by my side. My oldest is going to be a junior. She recently got her driver's permit. It's bittersweet taking her out driving because it's something she always talked about with her dad. He was looking forward to teaching her his EVOC skills.

I've been marking quite a bit off of my list: finished my daughters vanity took change to the bank $260, nice scheduled an appointment with my insurance company to take Phil's name off of everything scheduled an appointment to finalize Phil's gravestone scheduled an appointment for my daughter's sports physical scheduled an ortho appointment for myself to get fitted for a retainer took items to resale shop $65 took items to Good Will went to the recycle center Still on my list for this week: finish landscaping around my mailbox finish trimming and weeding the landscaping get carpets cleaned in basement (flooding issue) put things back and organize in basement Hopefully I can get someone to come out this week to clean the carpets. I'm going through my insurance company, so it's a little more involved then me just calling and scheduling an appointment.

I finally work up the courage to schedule an appointment with the admissions office at Indiana Iniversity and they don't offer my desired major. I guess I'll have to look at other colleges or change my major.

Thanks, my daughter is fine. She's about a month from getting her braces off and we notice a discoloration in one of her top front teeth. I took her to a dentist and he confirmed what I feared, her tooth died. She's 13 and looking at a root canal. Poor thing doesn't even have a cavity. We were postitive that it was caused from the pressure of them adjusting her braces. Her orthodontist confirmed that. He said, "we don't like to think that adjusting braces can cause that to happen, but it does happen." Now I'm searching for an endodontist in our network to do the root canal. I might just have to go out of network, or pay the whole amount out of pocket. I want someone that both our dentist and orthodontist are familiar with. I just wish Phil was here to help me choose an endodontist.

I finally called Indiana University admissions office! After a brief conversation with them they redirected me to the admissions counselor in Health and Science. Unfortunately I got her answering service. I left a message and I'm looking forward to setting up an appointment to talk to her about taking some classes in the fall. I hope I'm financially able to now that I'm mentally ready. At least I think I am! I'm nervous, not going to lie. Big step. During my brief conversation they told me that they aren't offering the degree that I want, but they will be by 2017. They're thinking I should be able to complete my general courses and other to go toward my degree in the meantime.

I would say, "You just don't understand, and I hope you never have to." Hugs Baylee!

Needytoo-I hope their son is seeing a therapist so he can sort through these feelings and changes. That would be a difficult family situation.

They might think it's a comforting thing to say, but it's just not the same. I'm going through a minor medical/dental issue with my middle daughter and was venting to a friend about how I wish Phil was here to help me make decisions for her. He said, "just ask him. Talk to him about it." I could, and I do, but obviously I'm not going to get a response. I still have to make the decision. I definitely get what you are saying.

I agree. I think all of those firsts are a part of the grieving process, but we all do them at our own pace. I read a book, Second Firsts by Christina Ramussen, that talks about a lot of the points you brought up.

((hugs)) Jen My feelings right now...I'm over it! It just seems so overwhelming and to complicated. I'm sure I'll change my mind in a few days, but this is how I feel.

I can relate to the never ending to-do list. It's overwhelming! I sometimes grumble about 'doing it all by myself' in front of my daughters and then I feel like a terrible mom. Mom guilt.

My daughters and I went to a fireworks show too. They hire professionals to do the fireworks, rent inflatables for the kids, and have vendors. Best and loudest fireworks display I've ever seen. Hopefully we'll be invited again next year. I did tear up during the fireworks. The last professional fireworks show we saw together as a family.

I'm sorry. ((hugs))

I know what I want to say, but it probably won't be comforting to you now. Your friend has been a pleasant distraction. Now that he's starting to pull away you are starting to grieve again. I know it's hard, but think of this as a positive thing for you too. Maybe this distraction has been holding you back from moving forward. This could be another reason why you haven't really had a desire to date. You already had someone to share your day with. Like I said, it hurts now but it's not necessarily a bad change. ((hugs)) I had a similiar attachment to one of my guy friends. We're still friends, but I pulled back quite a bit. I realized because of our relationship I wasn't moving forward.

I got my first-ever pedicure today. My 16yo and 8yo did too. My 13yo got a manicure instead. All patriotic, all OPI. I enjoyed it, but my daughters didn't see too. They just liked getting their nails painted, not the whole process.

Their birthdays are May, June, and December. The girls actually went through my mom's jewelry box with her. I wish I could have taken photos, but my mom hated to see the camera come out. She didn't want photos of herself. My mom had the biggest smile on her face. It brought her a lot of joy. At that point with her ALS she was almost completely immobile. She had just a little movement in her wrists, ankles, and neck. She had already lost her speech. Awful disease. Anyway, we left the more expensive pieces and jewelry that she wore daily with my dad. I haven't talked to him about it yet, but I will soon. I'll update and let you know how it went.

Doing the Whip and NeeNee with my girls. Belly laughs!!

I started painting my 16yo's bathroom vanity today. Will finish it this week. Take change to bank. Take items to resale shop. Just a few of my goals. I need to start posting again. It helps!

Good luck Donna! Needytoo, I would have told SIL that the truth doesn't hurt unless it ought to. She was upset because she knows she hasn't been there for you. That's on her, not you. My little vent for today is my stupid wheat allergy!!!! I'm trying to make Oreo truffles for a 4th of July party we're going to Saturday. I made 70, so I hope that's enough. My eyes, ears, and nose are itchy. I tried wearing a mask, but that didn't really help. When I make them for family I use wheat/gluten free sandwich cookies. They're more expensive though. Well, lesson learned. Either make them wheat/gluten free cookies or have my daughters make them with Oreos next time.

No words of wisdom, but I wanted to let you know that I can understand your frustration. I always tell my daughters that no ONE person should have to do everything around the house. We all live here, so it's a family effort. Pick up after yourselves and take the initiative when you see something that needs cleaned up or put away. Thankfully your mom living with you is temporary.

I got mail today! Long story short...mailbox rotted and started to lean. They stopped delivering my mail. I had to replace it. It was an ordeal to say the least. Mailbox is up, but I still need to landscape around it. They delivered my mail to me today though!!

I would not allow them to dictate how you choose to spend time with your dad anymore. If you want to crawl in bed next to him, do it! Them telling you any different is wrong. Do they really want your dad to feel isolated in the end? I don't agree with their thinking at all. I'm sorry they are making a difficult time even more difficult. They are being extremely insensitive and selfish.

Congratulations! I think it's perfectly normal to be nervous. You'll be great!

That would be a great way to start the conversation. " Dad...I think I'm ready to take those items now." I would never take anything. Earlier on I was helping him clean out his basement and he accused me of taking something my grandmother gave him. I had no idea what he was talking about. If it was so valuable why throw it in a pile of junk in the basement. I'm guessing he put it somewhere else and forgot about it. Another reason I want my mom's belongings. I will keep them in a safe place.