Virgo

I'm at 16 months. My husband died a week after his 39th birthday, so instead of acknowledging his death date my daughters and I celebrated his birthday. I also donated blood on his birthday. Planning our little celebration, and knowing I was going to donate on his birthday, helped me not dread his death date. You're right. Things don't magically get better after the year mark. One thing that caught me a little off guard was the realization that I would no longer be able to say, "this time last year." Extra hugs to you during the next few days.

I'm also at 16 months. I don't think it sounds weird. You feel like you're just going through the motions until you see him again. I feel that way at times. I have three daughters. I take care of their needs, the house, finances, but I just recently started doing more for ME. I'm going to the gym more regularly. I joined a bible study group at our church. I try to get an evening to myself every other week. I meet my friends for lunch once in awhile. It helps me feel more connected.

I'm sure it was difficult even though you know it was the right thing to do. I have been telling myself that I really should take some photos of his Cobra Mustang, so I can 'get it out there' to sell. I still haven't. Last year when I tried I cried when I took the car cover off. I am going to do it this year though. (I think.)

That sounds miserable. I hope the wound heals this time so you can get back to your normal routine!

Maybe it's the age, or our situation. I don't know. My dad tends to overshare with me now that he has started dating. I'm not sure how I would have responded to that. Normally when I feel put on the spot I answer questions with questions.

No you are not being to picky. It sounds to me like you are not listening to that little voice in your head telling you that this is not the guy for you. This is not a good situation. If it were me, I would stop communicating with him. I mentioned in the other thread getting involved in activities that you enjoy. Maybe even spending less time with your friends. Yes they are supportive, but being overly involved in their lives could be holding you back from moving forward with your life.

I know how you feel. I haven't dated since I was 16. Do you put yourself out there? I have a single girlfriend and this is something that we discussed during our last lunch date. I mean, if you stay home you're not going to meet anyone there. Ha! Get involved in activities that you enjoy, or did enjoy. If you happen to meet someone during one of those activities you'll already have something in common to talk about. If you don't, then at least you're doing something for yourself.

I'm sorry you had to say goodbye to your furbaby. ((hugs)) Phil's K9 partner was taken in by the Lt. of the K9 unit. His given name was Rokx (rocks), but since they already had a Rocky in their unit my husband named him Hex. He's a dutch shepard. I honestly didn't have time to bond with him like his previous K9 partner (Aron). The Lt. wasn't sure I would be able to handle Hex. He is sweet, but very hyper. A little unpredictable. Even the Lt. was a little unsure about taking him in. He loves his new home. His best friend is a pug named Murphy. We have three feline friends, but I wouldn't say we own them. They own us. Simone (previously Si/Silas until we realized he was a she.) Her nickname was Si, but turned into Mone or Mo. She also responds to bat cat. She's grey and has small facial features (bat like, lol.) Callie is a Calico cat. I know, so original. My daughters named her. I wanted to name her Hazel, but was outnumbered. She has big, beautiful eyes. She's super sweet, but doesn't like to be held. Not a cuddler. She's just a month younger then Simone. Penelope, Penny is a blonde tiger kitty. She's just 6 weeks old. I'm still not sure how they talked me into taking in another kitten. She is full of energy, very playful. She is starting to cuddle more, so that's a good sign. Simone and Callie are warming up to her.

I forgot about going to the bank, and ended up living the item I wanted to return at home. Other than that everything else got done. My daughter will have to study the guide they gave her and return to take a test. Nice having individual time with her today. That doesn't happen very often.

More sympathy and understanding..yes! Day off from responsibilities..yes! Someone to take care of me..yes! I agree!

Goals for today: go to the gym make out grocery list go to the bank return and item take 16yo to the DMV to see about getting her driver's permit get groceries laundry cleaning

I am so sorry for your family's loss.

You answered your own question right here. It's hard not to just give into temptation, the easy fix, but we know it's just a temporary way to fill a void. I guess it depends on how awful you feel about it afterwards. What do you really want? I have this mental battle myself. I have can think of two men that are more than willing to temporarily fill that void for me, but I just can't. I'm not saying I won't, but I haven't yet. I just think afterwards I would feel even lonelier. I'm to the point where masturbating isn't even satisfying. At least not mentally. It just makes me want sex even more, and reminds me of the love and affection I lost. It's hard going from having sex 5-10 times a week to none at all. Not even just the sex, but being touched multiple times every day.

Death is unpredictable. In my family it seems as though the more you poison and torture your body the longer you live, seriously. I would never assume that I'll live longer than my brother even though I live a healthier lifestyle. If he did die before me I would be sad. My brother and I aren't close, as in speaking to each other daily, but we have a decent relationship. I learned not to expect certain things from him, and decided to try to accept him for who he is. Not for him, but for me. Of course I still get aggravated at times, but I make an effort to let it go instead of letting it fester.

No you shouldn't! Honestly, with family being taken advantage of is something you shouldn't even have to worry about but it happens. Why can't everyone live by the golden rule "treat others as you want to be treated." Selfish people!

widowat33- It definitely sounds like you are being taken advantage of. The next time someone mentions helping you with a job let them know what would be a convenient time for you. Ask them how long they think the job will take. If they want a meal just suggest that they order in. Make sure you 'forget where your wallet is' when the food arrives. Stop allowing them to take advantage of you. That's not the type of help or support that you really need. Trust me, you'll figure out who your true friends are really quick. Don't allow family to take advantage of you either. Just say "no thanks, I've got it taken care of already" they next time they offer their 'help.' You can do this!!

I'm sorry you're struggling right now. ((hugs)) It is so bittersweet that positive changes come about after tragedies. I'm glad that you're able to see the positive side even though the changes didn't save your husband.

I've never lived in an apartment, so I can't really comment on that. It doesn't sound very appealing though. Like you, I like my space. I wouldn't want to deal with others all of the time. The smokers would really bother me too. Is your relationship with your sister still a little strained? Would staying with them for awhile be an option? That way you could be with your daughter more and save money to put toward a house.

PhotoJunkie- Overwhelming? Trying- My husband and I dealt with a realtor like that when we sold our first house. We ended up letting him go and choosing another realtor. Is that an option for you. I'm sorry you have to deal with all of this alone. ((hugs))

I wanted to add that while my 16yo daughter was looking around my dad's garage (hoarders scene, lol) she said, "you know you're going to be the one eventually cleaning all of this up right?" How sad that she thinks that way.

I think we need an official 'say it here/vent thread.' A place where we can curse, complain, whine, whatever. No judgements or fear of sounding annoying or ungratful to others. I'm upset with my dad. He is an alcoholic, but in his mind he's a social drinker. His drinking is starting to effect his relationship with me and my daughters. He's not a mean when he's drinking, but he gets sleepy. He also forgets conversations that they've had with him. I really don't want to limit his time with them, but I'm seriously considering it. I've already told my oldest daughter that they are not allowed to ride anywhere with him. No way! I'm the only one that tells him straight out that he has a problem. Everyone else enables him. Even my brother says it's his way of dealing with my mom's death. He might have increased his drinking since she died, but he has always been an alcoholic. Growing up my dad always had a beer in his hand. It's just one right after the other now. The selfish side of me feels that it's bullshit that I even have to worry about him. Like I don't have enough on my plate. This probably wasn't nice, but I asked him if he felt that my girls had already been through enough. I sure do! Losing their Memaw (my mom) and then their dad three months later. Did he want to be another loss that they had to deal with. He said they have been through enough, but he hasn't changed. He has cirrhosis, so it's just a matter of time. The only cure for severe cirrhosis is a liver transplant. If he stopped drinking he could slow the progression of the disease. I'm not sure if his is severe or not. It took a lot of prying just for him to admit to me that he had cirrhosis. I'm just so angry at him! So, that's my vent. You're turn.

I agree that it's a part of the grief process. We have to 'go there' sometimes. Although 'Staying there' the majority of the time would be more hurtful then helpful. ((hugs))

Life is fragile, as we all know. A friend of mine lost her brother Saturday to ALS. My mom had ALS. Awful disease. He was in his late 40's and left behind a 23 yo and a 9yo. I've been crying with her since his diagnosis. Unfortunately they are in the less than 15% that have the familial type of ALS. Her grandmother also had ALS.

Hopefully not, but if they did deactivate their accounts they will be missed.

My daughters and I got our hair cut this morning. Then we went to Panera Bread for lunch. A little shopping after lunch. Then to the ice cream shop before we saw Pitch Perfect 2. I fixed pasta for dinner. Now we're working through our shower routines. 2 down, 2 to go! Depending on what time we get finished with our showers we might watch Ferris Bueller. We bought it today at Target. We have to get up in the morning for church, so we'll see.