Portside

Not necessarily. A rental contract (lease) does not automatically transfer to the new owner of a property. It depends on State and local laws and ordinances. Normally, A third party (new owners) cannot be made part of an existing contract (lease) without ALL original parties being in agreement. Here's the thing - check this out thoroughly before counting on it. It seems simple but it may not be. (I'm not convinced Judge Judy should be taken as Gospel.) Good luck - Mike

Yes, so true!

Boy Jen, this sounds like a mess. I'm not sure I'd pursue it anymore - this is suppose to be fun and exciting for both parties and it seems more like work to me. I guess what I am saying is, for me, if a new relationship is not moving forward, it's dying. If I want to be ignored, I'll go try to get service at the DMV. Good luck - Mike

I cancelled my late wife's cell about a week or two after she passed. For me, it was just another item on the list to take care of. That, calling all her medical providers to settle up, cancelling magazine subscriptions, etc. It was more comforting to turn off those things, if you will, than to hold on to them. Best wishes - Mike

Ugh. Well, the most important thing to resolve first is to do all you can to help your oldest get healthy. I assume you are doing that. Perhaps after he gets well or makes significant progress, you and he can make a plan to find work and keep to it. I know you say you can't/won't do it for them - fair enough - but if you can help them make a plan, and then stick to it, that would possibly be very helpful. They may be overwhelmed by not understanding completely what needs to be done to get their lives in order. I had to create and implement a plan for my daughter. She was leeching off of us and living a lifestyle that wouldn't fly while in my house. It took a year but eventually, she got with the program and finally moved out and now has her own place. Good luck - it's not easy but is doable. Mike

Perhaps not but you and your BF are the adults and children, even adult children, will model their behavior after our own. What did you mean by "never again"? Not ever seeing them again? Not ever being mistreated by someone? Sadly, that is not within our power or control. I get it, it was terrribly uncomfortable. But if you hope to have a fully wonderful and open relationship with NG, you will have to address this in some manner. Good luck - it is a bit of a mess. Mike

Repeat after me: "Men can be thoughtless." : Rinse, repeat.

I got rid of everything medical related. They are of no use to anyone at this point. Any potential medical condition our children may have as a result of a genetic disposition will require a full work up by the appropriate specialist anyway. Our kids do need to be told about any such medical history but other than that, all new tests, observations, etc. will need to be administered, if needed. Good luck - Mike

Folks say all kinds of things; some helpful and thoughtful, others not so. The thing of it is, most of them struggle with what is proper to say to a widow/widower. On top of that, each of us may possibly respond differently to a specific phrase or utterance. I translated each expression from another as a sign of their sadness and concern - no matter how poorly delivered. Best wishes - Mike

Eh, if it only happened this once, I'd let it slide but ensure he understands this is not acceptable to you. A mistake to be sure but not necessarily a harbinger of what's ahead. Good luck - Mike

Hmmmm. . . My take is he is not near ready for a exclusive relationship with you or any one else right now. And he talks too much - he's trying to sort out his dating/relationship thoughts by talking them out with you. Big mistake - how can this not be hurtful for you when he doesn't know what he wants yet? He may be your right guy in the future, but not now. He's not ready. Maybe back off for now and give him room to sort it all out but keep in touch. Good luck - Mike

Hey Lindsay - my deepest sympathies on the loss of your husband. I'm sure it feels crushing right now but, as best you can, try to make it through the day. Then tomorrow, do it again - and again. Do the things you must do and ignore the other tasks. Accept any offered help and try to reestablish your normal daily routine if you can: get up, shower, eat, care for your son, care for yourself. Don't be shy if you need to ask for help for when the baby comes. Reach out here anytime. Many of us may have some positive help or advice to offer. Mike

Honest Sugarbell, I don't see an easy solution to this dilemma. But I can tell you with confidence that Mom will never change. Everyone involved in this will have to compromise to some degree if you want to continue the relationship to it's logical endpoint - marriage. If that is what you ultimately want, this may not be the right guy - nice as he is. I am sorry. Good luck, Mike

Hi Nat - my deepest sympathies on the loss of your husband. Early on, I forced myself to do the things that I really didn't need to do. Such as; going for a walk and getting out of the house, going to a restaurant alone to be around others, get out into the sun, etc. I was just going through the motions on the things I had to do. Doing a bit extra helped me reconnect with the world and pull myself back together. It wasn't easy but, in my case at least, it was very helpful. It helped me to snap out of my stupor. Good luck - Mike

That's an interesting viewpoint. I choose to look at it as paying someone else to assume the lion's share of my risk of a catastrophic loss. True, it is unlikely, but if it occurs, there is a very real chance of you being wiped out financially. As many here will attest. To add a financial catastrophe to the a personal one due to the death of a spouse was not a risk I was willing to take. Interesting fact: Insurance companies almost always are owned by the policy owners (that's us!) and return a profit of around 1 1/2 to 2 %. Similar to that of grocery or retail stores. To each their own. Best wishes, Mike

Dude - you enjoy a beating much more that I do, I'll say that. I won't detail the reasons I think your time with this woman is not time well spent. You've made your mind up. That's fine - it's your time. But I will say this, true love isn't this hard to recognize or painful to achieve. But I guess we all go about it differently. Truly my friend, I mean this without a bit of snark - good luck. Mike

I'm like you, I get teary easily. Especially at weddings. At some point during the ceremony, the Bishop reminded all in attendance of those that could not be there. So he mentioned my Dad, the brides dear cousin and her grandfather and my late wife. Mentioned them all by name. Ouch. :'( A wonderful gesture but . . .

Not really other than whatever you and your NG choose, you both should be very comfortable with it. My now wife and me were in pretty much the same financial situation that you describe. We were both in our mid 50s when we married. However, we combined everything right away. It truly is "our" money with a few exceptions: I own a family farm that I rent out and my wife owns a long-standing family business. We structured our finances in such a way that when one of us die, the farm and the business remain within the original families. But for everything else, we put it all together in one pot. Like I mentioned, just do what you feel is right. It's different for every couple. Good luck - Mike

Peony, my oldest son was married about 5 years after I lost my wife. My son wanted both his mother and my now wife mentioned in both the invites and the announcement in the Times. The NYT wedding editor was very helpful and said this happens all the time. Her suggestion was thus: Son's name, son of Mr. and Mrs. Mike Portside and the late (late wife's first name) (Maiden Name) (My Last Name). My wife also walked him down the aisle. It was glorious. Good luck, Mike

I think it's a ploy. And I'm a guy. I'd never discuss sex, in any fashion, during the first or second date or by texting. And believe me, I like it a lot. Maybe I'm weird, but if a woman has signed up for a dating site, I'd assume that she eventually would enjoy an intimate relationship with the right guy at the right time. If not, she's looking for a friend - which is fine of course, just check the right box when developing your profile. Good luck - Mike

Tell him you're sorry he hurts and then step aside. No big talk, no special meal, etc. - just let it go. But, yeah, if you can get him to get distracted with something, that would be good. It will take care of itself. Being a kid is hard. Mike

Goodness, this guy is a lunatic. You've given many examples and besides, although you describe him as a friend, he doesn't act like it. Unload him and uncomplicate your life. He takes more from you than he adds. Good luck - Mike

Arlington National Cemetery - not to be missed. Lincoln Memorial United States Holocaust Museum - very moving National Portrait Gallery National Arboretum Heurich House Museum (also known as the Brewmaster's Castle) If you like beer. . . Old Stone House Lots and lots more to see.

Hey Paul, my deepest sympathies on the loss of your wife. Stop attending whenever you want. Honestly, it is just that simple. I started dating 6 months after my late wife passed. Even though my youngest children were still pretty small, I stopped going to holiday dinners, etc. within a year. My laws were cool about it. I still made sure my kids got to see their aunts, cousins and grandparents on that side. But just not as often. My inlaws were fine with my dating, it really was never an issue. I'm 11 years out now. I've been remarried for years. My youngest son has a big event coming up later this month (Navy related) and we all will be visiting his ship for it. My former MIL, his aunts, uncles and cousins from that side and me and my now wife. It's all good, we all get along wonderfully. Do what you need to - it will all work out. Good luck - Mike

Everyone needs to do what they feel is right but understand, there are consequences to either choice. To not look at photos, if they exist, and to not read the reports could result is some unanswered questions. However, the reports, while official, many times do not answer everything and are, sometimes, devoid of particular details - cops and EMTs are human too after all. You may not find the answers you seek. To look, especially at photos, will always show our spouses' bodies in the worse light they ever were in. I knew what a GSW to the chest with a heavy calibre weapon would do to a person. Thanks Marine Corps. No closure, whatever that is, would be provided to me by viewing the photos. My late wife was a beautiful woman in life - I'll just keep those images in my head instead. The scene was enough of a nightmare. As bad as I knew they were, I never wanted my children to have any access to them. I petitioned a judge to have all the records destroyed and he granted my petition. There were some guidelines as to how long they had to be kept but, after that time had passed, they were destroyed. As I said, each of us has to do what we think is best. But think carefully about if it would be helpful or detrimental to you. Best wishes - Mike