Julester3

Omg trying - that is like a gut punch!

Hugs Virgo

The ceremony was fine, the cocktail part was fine and even dinner was fine. It was the speeches that got to me. I found myself thinking, you idiotic people should not raise the bar so damn high with these impossible romantic platitudes. Whatever happened to simply say just be happy and be good to one another? Enjoy your new life! I kid you not 20+ minutes of how they have love and love is everything and you need to surround yourself with love and it will last forever and all you need is love and one another to have a good marriage. Well guess what? With advice like this that is so often carelessly given, they set us up for the mental anguish, heartbreak, regret, disappointment and failure when our spouses do die. Of course I sat and just looked at the wall as I listened. What else can one do? The dancing was hard - a few songs were played that my husband would have dragged me up for a dance. Brown eyed girl was one of them. I did a few harmless ones with my girls as they like to see me dance and participate. We survived and I was able to tell the tale. I think I will electively not go to any more because you can see my train of thought is still sad enough but it depends upon who it is. In my widow state, I have issues I need to work on and weddings are not helpful at all.

Getting through that first year of firsts has some sense of relief because you conquered the unknown days, holidays, and events that could impact your day to day life and cause extreme trauma and sadness. Kids get a better sense of timing as they grow so I'm not surprised that your daughter asked to confirm the date with you. I think we parents are lucky to have our kids to force us to keep us on track. I don't think I'd be anywhere as functional if I didn't have my kids to push me through.

Hi Megan, I'm sorry for your loss. The year of firsts is simply hard and navigating it is tricky. All you can do is try trial and error and see what works. It's tough but be kind to yourself and give yourself as much slack as you want. There are no strict rules and there is no timeline that any of us can give you but what makes sense for you. Birthday hugs.

I've already gone to a wedding by myself after losing my husband but it was a small intimate affair and I was with friends. It was nice and festive. I am going to a wedding later today and the bride insisted the girls join me. I used to love weddings but only when I had Josh with me. We would dance, people watch, and try each other's food. We would walk around and catch up with people we knew. We'd have a grand old time. The thought of dancing for some reason bothers me. I have always enjoyed dancing and josh took ballroom social dance with me and we found what dances suited us best. I know some coworkers would humor me but the idea just punched me in the gut. Dancing doesn't have to be intimate generally but it seems like it became something more intimate with my husband because we made it an oppportunity to learn to do something well together. I'd go to the bar but I have to drive home. My eldest isn't familiar with where the wedding is to be able to get us home. i just wanted to get my thoughts and anxiety out before we go. I promise an update later.

Oh I've been dreading the start of this school year. As much as the regular start of school gives us some goals and something to focus on after a restful idle summer, it's a big year for us. My girls will be graduating high school and middle school at the same time and there will be the typical schedule of traditional events and only me to run around like a chicken with its head cut off to meet the expectations of both. I can help but think about everything Josh will miss and would have been so proud to take part. Senior night football game for athlete and band parents is a huge tradition here. We just did senior photos and I'm imagining a conversation with my husband to decide what photo prints to order. Just as we were finding a rhythm to living without him, I'm finding myself weakening again and wondering how I am going to do this by myself.

Little details you shared with your partner are precious when you can remember them. It reminds you of the beauty of small inconsequential thing to the normal person but we see a greater thing in that moment. Thank you for sharing. As for looking like you are feeling better, again no one realizes we are just faking it as best as we can. It's tiring being as miserable as we feel every single day and no one can see or know that part unless we want to share that fact. Hugs for you today.

I agree. I treat situations like this with silence. I don't have anything to say honestly at that point and I'm certainly not going to thank the person for the unnecessary trigger. Just a thinking of you sentiment is adequate - no elaboration needed!

We totally get it. Many of us were horribly cheated. I had much time since I was with my husband since we were teenagers but I don't know how to fill the void he left me with. I know I should be grateful and I am mostly but dang it I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I am resentful this was what I was dealt with even though we had no control. Be gentle with yourself and take your time finding your own groove. Hugs for you today.

I've found grief rather cycles back and forth - almost 1 step forward but 2 steps back, at times. You feel better and then something, any small thing only you would notice can drop you down again and seem to stop any progress you were making. Keep climbing - it sucks and it's definitely frustrating. Hugs for you today.

You did fine getting it all out. It sounded like it was all bottling up and collecting inside you so you have to get it out. Mental health is hard to grasp. I am sorry that your wife lost her battle with it. Know that we are here to listen and support. I have a teenager with a history of seizures so even if you want to talk kids issues, I can listen to that too. Anything you need to unload this is the place. Hugs for you.

It's uncertainty on how to feel, Mrs Reader. I also tend to think it's an internal defense mechanism. Many of us don't want feel pain of any emotional kind after what we have experienced so it's hard to get passed that barrier. If you can get over that wall, you might later feel inclined to talk to your kids about it. I am glad for you though and that it sounds like a good experience for you.

I don't see anything wrong. You are being honest. I don't feel you played anything either - it was just an honest reaction to potentially not getting your plans aligned. I am glad that they will accommodate you! It means they are truly good people then.

Hugs to you. I have this issue too though I know we are progressing.

I have an electronic file I work on when I feel like it and add little stories and memories. I also have been collecting pictures and bits to scrapbook when I feel ready to do so for my husband. There is no wrong way or right way, just what will work for you. Hugs!

Every few years like this year, my husband's birthday falls on Mother's Day. My kids like to celebrate it. I make his favorite foods he always requested that I make. The only thing we do differently is pick a dessert he liked but not his top favorites like German chocolate cake or lemon bars. Makes us sad. We do ice cream or cheesecake. Then we play video games in his honor or watch Star Wars. We do holidays still but we are modifying our past customs to make it easier on us. It has been working for us.

Hugs Jess! Thank you so much for sharing! It's valuable to see what 3 years out could look like.

Since you are uncertain, why not just hold onto it for awhile?. Get it dry cleaned, buy an acid free box and tissue paper from online (I used Hollinger) and put it on a shelf in the closet. So if you decide to keep it or donate it later, it's still in good shape. My kids want me to hold onto my dress.

Peanut Butter toast here often for breakfast or lunch! I feed my kids better.

You told him your piece and now he needs to mull it over and figure things out. I think that's all you can do right now. I'm glad you and your son went out on your own. We love Asian food and I like to do that with my own kids. Experiences are so much more lasting than things. Sorry you'll have to live in disarray but it's nice to have that fresh coat of paint and set up the house your way.

What a horrible freak accident! I am sorry you are joining us here but you are not crazy and trying to process what has happened is just so overwhelming and difficult to understand. I have only been with my late husband from college to marriage though I had known him as a friend since 7th grade. Your life with your husband was probably as tightly intertwined as mine was. It feels kinda like someone ripped off your arms and now you have to still figure out how to swim. Please be kind to yourself and vent as you need. Hugs to you.

Hugs Maureen! I hope someone follows up with you soon!

We don't consume fresh fruits and veggies fast enough. I toss those out a lot still. I am trying to stick to what we can actually consume. Us 3 girls don't eat as much without Josh, sadly. He was our main eater. A normal dinner would be done in 1 sitting with him. Without him, we have easily 2 additional meal portions based on how much we eat. I admit that I do miss making real comprehensive meals. I love to cook but it doesn't make sense to make all that complicated food and I'm tired as it is working and getting everyone everywhere. We eat a lot of simple meals now but we don't waste as much food and we don't have leftovers forever.

Michele, we are always reading and we are always here and accessible. It's helpful to read around here and see for yourself that we understand what you are going through. The hardest part of this survival we need to do is simply being able to function day to day. Many of us fake it as best as we can. That is just plain truth. Hugs to you. My Josh was special. He waited for me patiently. I first met him in 7th grade and he always made sure to keep tabs on me, keep me as a friend through the years. We always had a natural knack for conversation and there was probably nothing left we hadn't debated unless it hadn't happened yet. We did not actually date until freshman year college. He was too afraid of rejection but once I told him I wouldn't be adverse to dating him, even though we were over 3 hours away at different universities, the rest was history. Josh though quiet and pretty reserved, he loved gaming and games, rock music, Star Wars and Chicago sports teams. He valued my own individuality and respected my own hobbies, interests. I think that's why we are surviving well. We were strong successful individuals that could function just fine but we chose to collaborate as partners and lovers out of choice.