Trying

Good luck!

Maureen, you are an inspiration to me with the way you picked up, moved, quit your career, went back to school. The fact that it felt right and you took that leap is amazing to me. Needytoo, good luck with your job search, hopefully this will bring you a wonderful new opportunity! I think I use my kids as an excuse to not make changes. There's a masters program I've been looking into but it would mean I would miss several of my sons football games in the fall and it's his senior year. I've been looking at houses for months but can argue that a move would be too hard on the kids and talk myself out of anything. I never really was a risk taker. DH took the risks and I would be the practical one who would put the breaks on when the risk was too high. I have to learn to take chances, to dream, to challange myself. But at 46 (gasp!) how do I break free from the role I lived for so long?

I would imagine that you wish you had your mom to comfort you in your grief for DH and DH to comfort you in your grief for your mom. So unfair. (((Virgo)))

I am starting to feel that in some ways I am moving beyond active grieving yet I don't seem to be able to make any decisions about what I should be doing or where I should be going. I realize that I have had DH by my side for every major decision I have made since I was 20 and I need to learn to trust myself to make these decisions on my own. I want to make a career change yet I can't seem to decide what exactly I want to do. I want to sell my house yet I can't figure out when would be best time or what exactly I am looking for in a new house. I want to make my health and fitness a priority but my commitment is inconsistent. Many of you have made major life changes that I am in awe of. What did it take to make that leap? How do you get past the fear of change or in making a mistake? Has anyone used a life coach or other type of advisor with success?

Guilt is something I struggle with still, although definitely less than in the first year. Not so much guilt that I could've done anything to prevent his death because I don't believe there was. I have felt guilt that it was him and not me because I think in some ways our boys would've handled it better if it was me. Guilt that I'm not doing a better job with the kids and the house. Guilt that I didn't insist harder that we work on the problems in our marriage when he was alive. Guilt that I've fallen in love with another man.

I think it's best to just put it out there so you can move forward one way or another. I for one am too old for games and wasting time. Little to lose and lots to gain. Keep us posted!

Not getting most of the bare minimum done this week let alone working on goals. I did do a good purge in DH's office this week, dentist and gyno appointments, so feel good about that. This weekend is full with sports and social stuff so I will make goals for next week. Next week: 1. Get oldest registered for fall semester 2. Schedule college visits for middle son 3. Clean out youngest sons closet and drawers 4. Make eye exam appointment You all are very motivating! Keep up the good work

I need to downsize as well but am over a year away from being ready to. My plan is to wait until middle son graduates next year to start the process but I do keep an eye on local real estate listings because if the perfect house presented itself I might do it sooner. DH and I built this house together 15 years ago and planned every detail together. MIT will be hard to leave it but financially it is way too much and upkeep is way too much. I have such guilt that I can't keep it up to DHs standards but it was a lot when there was 2 of us and DH was very handy. Even things I can hire out for I run into a problem because I can't be home to over see workers or even to get estimates for jobs. DH could work from the house when we needed to have any work done. I know any house will require upkeep but smaller is better and not having a pool would be a huge help! Good luck with your decision DansSoulmate, it's not an easy one to make but losing sleep and feeling overwhelmed is no way to live.

I am so sorry for everyone who this was so triggering for, I can't even imagine watching this if I had lost DH in an accident of any kind, it was hard enough as a cancer widow. Then they had to throw in the young girl at the accident, who previously lost her Dad and bonded with him while he saved everyone. That little girl haunted me all night.

1. Nice birthday dinner with some special friends last night 2. Dinner out tonight planned with my kids and inlaws 3. Found a nice surprise when cleaning out DH's desk

I'm glad you are taking some time for yourself on your anniversary. I hope the happy memories ease your sadness today.

It's been 19 months since DH died and I finally got around to cleaning out DHs desk. #1 son and I were laughing about how ridiculous he was, saving every bill, bank statement and receipt for 20 years. DH also had a habit of buying things in excess. At least triple of anything. I wouldn't let him go grocery shopping for this reason! In the office I found box after box of file folders, envelopes, at least 10 ink cartridges for an old printer, enough printer paper to last a lifetime. Then in one drawer I found a stack of birthday and Mother's Day cards he bought for my kids to give me. Every birthday or anniversary he would always give me 3 cards from him plus one from each boy so these were extras. Today is my birthday and Mothers Day is right around the corner so finding them yesterday was perfect timing. I gave them to my son and told him that he and his brothers could thank their Dad for saving them time and money. Last year I don't think I would've been able to laugh and smile if I found them but I guess I'm in a better place because I did. It was such a nice surprise and I think it was his way of showing me that his habit of saving everything and buying in excess wasn't all bad. There have been so many signs from him this week after what seemed like a long time of none. He was such a pain in the ass sometimes but he always knew when I really needed him.

There is nothing wrong with not wanting a committed relationship, as long as you are both on the same page. It has to be the right person AND the right time.

Over the last week I have been getting messages from other people who are either thinking about DH or had a dream about him. It's been really nice to hear from some friends I haven't heard from in a while and some people I don't really know. My college roommate had a dream about him last night that he asked her to tell me that he would gone for a while but I should use the boat. I didn't use the boat at all last summer but I plan on using it this summer, especially now!

Independent is definitely more sexy than needy. I find I like doing small things for mew guy because he's never had anyone do for him and he is always surprised and appreciative of the small gestures. He doesn't ask for or need anything from me but time. Being a busy working mom I only have time for the small gesture and I am pulled in many other directions by neediness so,it works well. Great guys aren't always a great fit for everyone and sometimes it comes down to the time in your life too. Good luck figuring out what is best for you.

My father died 5 years before DH, I spent months driving back and forth out of state to help out and stayed there the last 2 weeks of his life sleeping at the hospital and then next to his hospital bed when he came home on hospice (he didn't want to be alone but wanted my mom to sleep). He died on December 5th, DH came right away with the kids to help out with arrangements and then attend the funeral. We had to drive home, 2 1/2 hours, in separate cars and of the many thoughts I had alone on that drive I was worried how I would have the energy and desire to make Christmas nice for my 3 boys. I always went over the top,for Christmas. When I got home I was cranky and snapped at the kids as we were unloading the car. When I walked in the house I saw he had done all of the Christmas decorations while my Dad was on hospice, what would take me days to do normally. I burst into tears and scared the poor kids who were so excited to surprise me. He couldn't have picked a more perfect thing to do for me.

Congratulations to your son! Sometimes the happy celebrations are the hardest moments.

After my father died it was cardinals, and still is. The first Fathers Day without I literally had them flying in front of my car window as I was driving that week several different times. The day after DH died there was one sitting outside the window of my 3rd floor bathroom. With DH it has been music mostly. Sitting in the funeral home, planning the wake for Monday with my mom and sister they had soft elevator music playing in the background. Suddenly my sister and I both stopped talking at the same time, Jimmy Buffet (DH's favorite) singing "come Monday it'll be all right"

(((OSAAT))) I am so sorry, praying for peace for you and your pup.

Count me in! I'm picturing the Partridge Family bus only way cooler. With cocktails. And better music.

My relationship with DH was not ideal and was in part difficult and in part very good. I stayed because I thought the good outweighed the negative and we worked well as a family unit. I knew my kids were better off with us together, we didn't fight or argue a lot so it wasn't that our relationship issues were affecting them. Now that he's gone I get angry at him and myself that we didn't work harder to fix the problems between us because I would have stayed with him forever but we both could have been happier with each other. We were together 25 years, married 20, that's a lot of time and history. It sounds like you have made a great deal of compromises for this relationship. If there is a good foundation and you are both willing then it is worth working on the issues. That's something you both need to decide on. I'm sorry it's not easier and more clear.

I get the questioning and the pulling back, I seem to do it on a somewhat regular basis. It is so very different to take 2 adults who have preexisting lives and try to mesh them together. You have worked hard to establish a life for you and your children that works for you and you have complete control over. Maybe it's red flags about compatibility or maybe it's you not being willing to compromise certain things at this point in your life. Take your time and see where your feelings lead you.

I'm so sorry to hear about your cat, a pet is never just a pet and the connections to those you have lost just compounds the loss. Wishing you peace in the days ahead.

(((MissingSquish)))

Urban dictionary defines "Sterb" as a chronic masturbator. I guess that fits in with the energy releasing behaviors, lol! Sorry the lecture ended up being a big waste of your time, stick with the art lessons sounds like a great outlet to me!