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Sexy Widowed Saturday Night!


MissingSquish
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  • 2 weeks later...

Actually was supposed to go to a tournament followed by party.  Woke up sniffley and honestly, just freaking tired.  Slept most of afternoon, waking up to one of those stupid "losing her" nightmares.  Can't even take an afternoon nap.  Might be from not exercising today.

 

Anyway, kicking it with a burrito made from Hormel chili, waiting for it to be late enough to sleep.  That irritating sick place between too well to sleep, but not alert enough to get anything done like studying.

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Toured a University today with my daughter. She is very stressed about the whole process and upcoming applications.

 

We had a full, knockout, laughing, family ticklefest tonight after we got home. We all needed that gut busting laughter!! Felt great!

 

 

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Came home after another delightful 12 hours at work to find the fridge is not working. The freezer is okay, but the fridge is lukewarm at best. Scrounged some supper, now we're catching up with Doctor Who episodes, which isn't the worst way to spend a Sat night, but it's far from sexy. It's also far from Broadway, which is where I was last Sat night. I was happy that night. Can't say as much tonight. Sigh...

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Was in PJs at 6:00, on the couch studying and eating mint chocolate chip gelato for dinner. Fighting anxiety all day, not sure what triggered it, maybe the terrorist attacks, haven't had anxiety like this, over nothing specific, in ages.  I had an Ativan with the ice cream and neither worked.  Hoping to get some sleep. Super sexy.

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Busy day! We started our day rushing around to get out the door.  Getting three girls ready on time is a challenge.  My youngest had two basketball games.  Her games overlapped a little with my middle daughters choir concert. Thankfully my in-laws were available to help me out with transportation. I left the game early to go to the concert. Then they came to the concert after the last game. Afterwards the girls and I went to Hobby Lobby,  Bath and  Body Works,  and Panera Bread.  It ended up being an expensive outing. .

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Uh, not a bad Saturday until about 5pm when the bottle of wine was opened.  Drank it really quickly.  Then a beer.  Then had the bright idea of swigging out of a bottle of some disgusting brandy that had been sitting around for years.  And it all came up - obviously - and I found myself in bed by 9pm, sick as a dog.  Not too bad this morning though, but I somehow never learn that while being slightly drunk once in a while can be fun, more and more alcohol on top of that doesn't ever lead to more and more enjoyment.

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Hang in there, Brenda.  Went down the drinking to stop the nightmares route for a while--  it doesn't really work (aside from the health issues).  You just end up more depressed the next day, and the sleep disturbance starts getting to you.  If this starts happening on a regular basis, really recommend not having alcohol in the house.  This isn't some AA rag here, it's about realizing you're in a fragile place right now and keeping the house "widow proof".

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This isn't some AA rag here, it's about realizing you're in a fragile place right now and keeping the house "widow proof".

 

Yeah, it's not a daily thing.  It's a once-weekly thing, saved for Saturday, and I never drink at any other time.  Normally, I can stop at a bottle of wine (and I know that's too much in one sitting anyway) and have a pretty decent evening doing some cooking and having a few family members over for a meal.  But once in a while, I get the "yeah Brenda you're having a great time after knocking back the whole bottle so surely adding more alcohol on top of that will make you feel even better" thing going on.  It never works; I always regret anything over that single bottle of wine, without exception, but in the moment I kind of lose my common sense.  But that's alcohol, right?

 

I like the concept of the "widow proof" house.  No alcohol sitting around (and if I do buy some, it needs to be a sensible single portion, not a case of beer or a two-for-one offer on wine), etc.  I've already taken steps to widow proof the house in other ways (getting rid of any firearms, razor blades, stockpiles of prescription meds etc.), but there's clearly work to be done.

 

But today has been a pretty good Sunday considering.  And next week is looking bright.  And I've a few positive things to look forward to in the near future in terms of getting my life back together (will soon be retraining for a new career, my wonderful new girlfriend, kids who aren't causing me any headaches and who are doing great in school, moving into a smaller and more manageable place, and finally scheduled surgery to sort out a nagging health issue), so things are moving in the right direction other than the occasional careless "I'm still twenty years old - woo hoo!" accident with the alcohol.

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Totally missed it. I've been working like a dog this week, so my Saturday night consisted of my dragging in from work, swallowing, some supper, falling into bed, and conking out almost immediately so I could do it again today. :-\ Didn't even get to see the new Doctor Who!

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