introduce yourself here

[lcoxwell]

Welcome, Fran! I am so sorry that you have had to join us, but so glad that you found us. I cannot tell you how much coming here, reading, and posting has helped in the healing process. I hope that you can find the sense of comfort that I have found here.

[Wheelerswife]

Peggy and Fran, I am so sorry to have to welcome you to our club.  It is always hard to have to welcome people who are so young and who should be in the prime years of their lives with their partners...life partners.

 

All I can say for any of the new folks is to join in, connect to your cohort of people either in your timeline, age group or whomever you feel you relate...because these folks are the most amazing people you wish you never had to meet.  We are here for you.  Participate to the level in which you are comfortable. Send a PM to someone if you can relate.  Make friends here.  This board and its predecessor have been my lifelines.

 

Hugs,

 

Maureen

[Trying]

Peggy and Fran, I am glad you found us and sorry that you needed to.  These early days are about surviving, sometimes minute by minute.  Be gentle with yourself and let others take care of you when possible.  You have a hard road ahead but when there is a break of sunshine grasp onto it.  Stay hydrated and keep breathing, you have found a place where you can share anything.

[Ursula]

Dear Benjamin, Peggy , Fran....this is a good place to find good people. We all share this pain and somehow knowing one is not alone helps.  I am so sorry you have to come here and tell your heartbreaking stories. It sucks and keeps sucking. It gets more bearable, the hurt stays, but one gradually can function again. I lost A 1.5 years ago. There are many wise people here, come and let it out here . Nobody has a solution but many will listen and you can find wise advise here. Take care, and remember, it is one moment at the time, step by step. That's what has kept me going. Take care you all. Hugs.

[Guest running with scissors]

Hi, Not sure if this is the right place to introduce myself.  I am new here but not a new widow.  My husband died  five years ago.  I still have some bad days along with the good ones.  I wanted to say hello and I am thankful to have found this place.

[Jess]

Hi, Not sure if this is the right place to introduce myself.  I am new here but not a new widow.  My husband died  five years ago.  I still have some bad days along with the good ones.  I wanted to say hello and I am thankful to have found this place.

 

You are in the right place. Welcome to our little corner of the internet. I am sorry you had reason to look for us but I am so glad you found us. It is good to hear that although the sad days don't go away, there are some good ones.

[sojourner]

Hi to everyone- I'm finally getting to an introduction after having been a regular reader here and on the old ywbb in its last months. I've so appreciated everyone's openness with their experiences after being widdowed- it's helped so much to know I'm not alone in my own feelings, thoughts, and experiences.

 

I was widowed in May of '14, when my LH died from lymphoma. He'd been diagnosed in '12 with a form that, while incurable, was supposed to have a long survival.  You can see how well that worked out. I didn't even know lymphoma, which I'd barely even heard of, was a cancer until his diagnoses. Boy, did I get schooled.

 

Today is the anniversary of our wedding. I bought flowers, as is the way I regularly commemorate our milestones. I'd been feeling like I've been getting more clarity of mind lately. That, however, is headed right back out the window- one of my siblings was just dx'ed with a rare, advanced, and generally incurable cancer, and I'm basically going through flashbacks of LH's decline and death. Oh, and upon getting the news, one of my elderly parents had a mild heart attack, so there's that, too.  Let's just say it's not a good day. Pretty much I'm going back to the early techniques of breathing, drinking water, etc.

 

I'm so sorry any of us have to be here, but since it is what is is, I'm grateful to at least be in the good company of this community.

[lcoxwell]

I am so sorry to hear about the cancer diagnosis of your sibling. I cannot imagine what you are going through. I will keep you in my prayers. (((Hugs)))

[kjs1989]

I am so sorry to all those having to find their way here. And some deal with double and even triple whammies of loss which is beyond brutal.. I felt like I pretty much led a very charmed life until October 20th, 2012. No more. I still have many middle aged friends who have not experienced any sort of major loss in their lives beyond an elderly aunt or grandparent. As I have found out, even the best meaning people cannot  truly empathize unless they have walked this path.

[Bear Tomás]

I'm back. 

[lilchicken]

Hi All

 

Some from YWBB may remember me as lilchicken. For those who don't know me I lost my husband, who was 32, in 2009 to metastatic chondrosarcoma. The widow community supported me then in what seemed like impossible times. I am so grateful for the friends I made, both locally and on the board and for this community which has been a safe place to talk and read and think through grief. I remarried in 2013 and we are expecting our second child in a few weeks. I think this, coupled with the anniversary of my husband's death coming up this week brought me back to this board to think about some of the things on my mind this week.

 

Wishing everyone on the board the peace, healing and support that they need

 

Lilchicken

[THATgurl]

lilchicken!!!!   No words, huge hugs.

[CherrY]

Hi everyone,

I'm new on this forum and looking for I don't know what...... So here is my story.

 

Two years ago I finally got what I wanted ! After great months as FWB and falling in love with him, Jason was mine =) During our time together we had so much fun ! After a year and a half we even moved in together. Best time of my life ! Our apartment was filled with love, laughs, sex and tenderness.

But one day, out of nowhere he told me he didn't want to be GF and BF anymore. I was so surprised ! We were having a wonderful time together. But he had made his decision...so I packed my stuff and left (in tears). When I talk (in the present day) about this breakup with his friends and family we all agree he did not even know what happened in his head. A medium on day confirmed our thoughts...Jason had no idea he was going to leave us but something (his soul, spirit, gardien angel ?) urged him to protect me by pushing me away.

Anyhow... two weeks later on the evening of Mother's Day Jason was coming back home from seeing his family and he fell down a cliff with his motorbike. 22 years old is really really really to damned young to die or be a widow !!!!!! Thankfully he did not suffer and broke his neck right in the first meters of the fall.  (I'm still very emotional writing this part).

It's been 5 months now. 5 hell-like months. I miss him so much...and still talk to him when I need to (I tell him about my day, ask for advice or help, tell him I love him etc.) And believe it or not but I even saw him in a reiki session !!! He told me he loved me, that he would always be there, that as we suspected we have known each other for longer than this life and he helped me discover what is my purpose in this world.

His mom, sisters, stepdad, friends and I have grown very close. Even if he broke up with me everyone treats me like his "current" GF and I am so grateful.

This summer has been hard, but today I live with 3 awesome roommates and I still travel 60km every weekend to see (mainly) Jason's mom and sisters but also all the dear friends he left me with. Everyone is so loving and we all help each other how ever we can...it's beautiful.

The end of the summer has been really confusing too because with no warning whatsoever I have been falling in love with Jason's best friend. Don't think I'm forgetting him or even trying to replace him. Both of these would be impossible ! But we got really close and it just happened. We still need time to figure all of this out so I'm not forcing things, if it has to happen it will...

 

Thank's for reading and maybe giving me support and advice.

Lot's of love

 

Cherry

[HB]

Hey everyone (again)! My old laptop died, along with the passwords so I could no longer log in. I am HvnBound, widowed on 5/4/12, DH died of heart failure and stroke.

[kat717]

Hello All,

 

My name is Kat, I lost my husband 14 months ago. I am not apart of any other groups, I am not sure if it will help. I just know that it is difficult to know what I feel, and express that feeling to others. Sometimes I feel like I have to suck it up for our kids, his brothers, his family. I know I lost my husband, and they lost their dad, brother, son... I am just having a hard time finding my place in all this. Avoidance has been a close friend through all this. I am just exhausted... and don't want to admit or give in to it, ugh! My life is a movie...

[Wheelerswife]

Hi, Kat.

 

Welcome to the club that nobody wants to belong to.  Here...it is all about you.  You don't have to suck it up for anyone here.  We get it.  I found the precursor to this site just over 6 years ago...about a month after my first husband died.  I don't know how I would have done it without these people, some of whom are now friends.  I invite you to check the place out, read along, jump in where it feels right and even PM someone if their story is something to which you relate.  You need a place where you can be real...and here it is.

 

Hugs,

 

Maureen

[Justin]

Welcome Kat, I'm glad that you found us. This is my only group, as well - I don't know what I would do without the dear friends that I have made here.

 

I am just having a hard time finding my place in all this.

 

The loss of my own identity is probably the hardest thing for me to convey to others that have not lost a spouse. Your whole life and self has been literally blown to hell, and you are left trying to find out who you are now. My daughter and I have been doing our best to embrace change as both it comes and we make it, and it helps us. We both realize that the life we had is gone, but our new one can still be really good,  too.

 

Take care, and don't be afraid to post as much as you would like.

[First Widow]

Hello everyone,

 

I lost my husband of twenty years to suicide a little over four months ago.  I found this site early on and reading here has been a great inspiration to me, but I wasn't ready join in the conversation here back then.  Maybe I wasn't ready to claim the title of widow just yet or maybe I was more concerned with taking care of my grieving children. Now that they are back at school I've had more time to turn my attention toward myself and my future.

 

I have a daughter who is a sophomore in college and son who's a high school senior looking at colleges.  For the past twenty year's I've run my husband's business (which doesn't exist without him) so now I have a lot to figure out.

 

I'm so sorry any of us belong here, but I am grateful to have found this site and look forward to getting to know you all better.

 

 

[lcoxwell]

First Widow....I am so sorry that you had a reason to join us, but I am glad that you found us. Coming to this site to read and to post has been instrumental in my ability to work through much of the grieving process. You won't find a better group of people than these, anywhere.

[mizjsea]

Hello, first post here, but I have been reading. I lost my husband 14 months ago to stage 4 kidney cancer. I can still hardly believe it when I write, say, or think these words. He was the most (seemingly) healthy 55 year old person I knew who had not one single risk factor. He was asymptomatic until Jan 2014 and was gone 7 months later. The news just went from bad to worse, as he was misdiagnosed initially with common kidney cancer which has some (but not much) hope of treatment response. Midway through the ordeal we learned it was a very rare (1%) form, highly aggressive subtype. Despite that news he stayed positive and fearless, which is the way had lived his life 100%. As someone else said on this site, we worked so hard to stay positive for each other and our 2 teens that I don't think we had time to say goodbye or even acknowledge what was coming. He suddenly had a quick downturn, became disoriented, and went fast thankfully without any more horror. It feels like we were going about our life and suddenly some giant hand came out of the sky and plucked him right off the planet. Truly astonishing. It has been so incredibly painful but I am proud I am where I am today. My entire mission has been to make him proud. After month of treading water, life has eased somewhat for me and I want to say thanks for this board and for being able to connect with those who "get it" when you know no one else in similar shoes. And to talk with others who had been so unfairly treated in life.

[kjs1989]

Mizjsea,

 

I am so sorry. I also lost my husband suddenly, too, but to an accident, not an illness. Three years ago this month. I can so relate to what you said about your husband just being plucked from the planet. Wow, so true. I had three teenagers at the time.

 

I still find myself taking life one day at a time. I just don't plan ahead much these days. It still feels very surreal to me most of the time. I wake up and go, "Wow, D died. WTF happened to my charmed life??

 

And yes, my mission, too, has been to make D proud. My kids come first in all of my decisions, but I realized early on that I needed to put my "oxygen mask" on and survive, and even thrive, in order for them to be ok. The four of us have come a long ways. I think D would indeed be proud.

[swilson]

misjsea {Hug} Sorry you lost your husband, welcome to a place that has been tremendous help for me. In my short time trying to recover, I get tricked into thinking things are starting to smooth out only to get knocked off course again. Describing the turmoil is like trying hold water in your hand. You feel it, you see it, you smell it and then it's gone. All we're left with is a weird dampness.

 

[Frostedglass]

I'm new here and want to introduce myself.  My world turned inside out just over a year ago.  Like all of you, at times I accept my new normal and other times I simply can't believe this has all happened.  My MIL suffered from a variety of cancers for 20 years and sadly passed away last Oct. 11, 2014.  My husband spent the week helping his sisters go through her things.  Her memorial service was on a Thursday and my husband had a difficult time burying her.  At the time I was also suffering from excruciating sciatica pain from a herniated disc.  I could hardly walk and relied heavily on my husband's help just to get out of bed every morning.  Because of my pain, I couldn't attend all of the services for his mother.  I was glad he spent the extended time with his family which was rare for him; he didn't hang out with them regularly.  So, the memorial activities for his mother were over and Monday came along as it does every week.  My DH drove me to work (back pain couldn't drive) and picked me up (I'm a school teacher).  We walked through the front door and he collapsed.  I thought he was having a seizure, but he never started seizing.  My son happened to just be getting home (a total God thing) from work.  I called 911 and they arrived quickly.  At the ER they told me they were never able to get a heartbeat.  The Dr. said his heart just stopped, that he was gone when he first hit the floor.  How does that even happen?  I don't know how I got through the following hours, days, weeks, or months.  I had back surgery in Dec. which helped my physical pain, but the heartache is unending.  I have three kids, my oldest son lives with me and helps me financially, I have a daughter who is newly married and lives in a neighboring state, and my youngest daughter is in college.  My DH and I were married 23 years.  He loved me more than I appreciated and I didn't realize how much I loved him.  Memories just aren't enough.  A widow on another site wrote something once . . .  living was now like watching her life through a glass window.  That resonated with me, hence my username.

[Prov31cadet]

  Hi there, I'm Jacci and my husband Wade died this past April of Melanoma cancer at age 39. He was diagnosed stage 3 of May 2012. Then in December 2013 we found it had advanced to stage 4. I have three energetic boys ages 13, 9, and 7. We are doing our best to move forward. The grief comes in waves. My boys know it is okay to cry and to miss their dad. We continue to make it through each of the milestones. Our most recent was last night attending an extended family gathering on Wade's side. The boys did fine, but it was hard for me.

  I'm so thankful for my family, friends, church family, and coworkers. God has placed the most wonderful people in our lives. They are there continuously praying for and supporting us. God is good all the time!😀

[Jess]

Hello Frostedglass and Jacci. Welcome to our forum. I am so sorry for both of your losses.

 

Frostedglass, I also lost my husband suddenly last year. The quote about watching your life through a glass window resonates with me as well. I've been working on transitioning back to the other side of the glass, but it is not always easy. I hope you were able to weather the one year mark as best you and your kids could. This journey is so very tough.

 

Jacci, it always warms my heart to see wids with wonderful support networks.  It sounds like you've got your hands full with those three boys and that you are helping them process their grief in a healthy way, which can't be an easy feat!