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Once again, ladies and gentlemen... the F*** YOU thread


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Guest TormentedTwoStep

Efff a getaway from the norm in wonderful Music City that's turned into a house full of people with a stomach bug-diarreha is imminent.

Efff so called "friends" that tell me I have to lower my standards when hoping for love-that I only want people out of my league.

Efff an ex that called off an impending engagement and still resides in my head every crappy day since.

Efff people that efff me over and go on to have a life full of all they wanted while I'm still undone and alone.

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I am usually not an F word person but it suits my life very well.

 

F that my mom was diagnosed with leukemia a short time after my husband died.

F that the chemo to control the leukemia (not cure it) is destroying my mom's life and she has been hospitalized after each round of chemo.

F that mom fell in rehab (for physical/occupational therapy) just a few days before she was supposed to be discharged.

F the stem cell transplant/medications that basically killed my love.

F the fact that I am so WEAK and can barely function most days.

F the constant excruciating pain I feel every single day.  :'(

I can go on and on......... so I will just write FUCK EVERYTHING.

oh, I must add more

F the prednisone used to treat Steve's graft vs. host disease - it destroyed his body and caused unbearable pain - 9 compression fractures in his back and 1 in his sternum

F the fact that I am so depressed.

Fuck that Steve's only sibling died of brain cancer 3 years before Steve died.  One year after his brother's death, Steve was diagnosed with myelofibrosis.

Fuck Death - I HATE YOU SO MUCH!

 

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Yeah.....lotsa pain..to much.

So FUCK anyone who is so fucking stupid than to concider the impact of their words to a person in pain.

  Fuck any idiot who assumes ANYTHING concerning the loss if a spouce the person you've spent more than half your life with..

 

  Fuck any person that feels they should try to change things inside my house within my 4 walls where my wife and I resided and I'm left here to reside and change as I can,when I fucking feel it's time.

    Fuck em all honestly,really I'm done

 

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I went out with a group of about 20 people this weekend, we had a party bus.  One girl in the group was eyeing my brother-in-law all night.  You could tell she was into him.  I truly believe the only reason she didn't make a move is because her HUSBAND was with us.  They have been married less than 6 months.  Her husband totally noticed too.  At the end of the night he was making EVERYTHING a competition with my  BIL.  When I say everything I mean BIL was eating a bag of Nutter Butters and he kept making comments about the Nutter Butters so I tossed him a pack and he looked at BIL and says "Wana race" I mean it was hilarious but it makes me SOOO mad because here I am without my best friend and she is flirting with other guys right in front of her husband.  I was so upset at the bar about it I actually started crying.  Basically.. FUCK YOU for not taking your vows seriously and making your husband feel like he had to compete like that for your attention.  I guess I don't know anything about them or their relationship because I just met them that night.. but GRRRRRR!!

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  • 2 weeks later...

I'll add my own "fuck you" to the month of April.  Tuesday sometime during the 6am hour will be 3 years since the last time I saw his wonderful face and told him that I loved him.  By 2am the next day he was gone  :'(

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Guest TormentedTwoStep

Fuck it all.  Fuck my life.  I'm so over this.  I'm done.  There's nothing left.

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Im so fucking done with this mundane, empty, aweful feeling of not finding my way.  I'm trying to get the house ready to sell but I am so stuck.  I thinks its because as it gets closer to being done it will be time to sell and it's crushing me.  I know I have to move.  FFUUCCKK!!!

 

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Guest TormentedTwoStep

Fuck other wids who toy with already fragile hearts and stomp them to bits.

Fuck her mother who hated me and worked to break us up because she thought I was too fat for her daughter.

Fuck me for still having feelings for someone who doesn't give a fuck about me.

Fuck me for not seeing red flags, but only a beautiful person to love.

Fuck that she's moved on, has a life and a love and I'm still alone.

Fuck that at 2.5 years out, it seems all I touch turns to a big pile of shit.

Fuck that I'm not strong enough that I can't grow and be a better man after my wife's death, and then being dumped.

Fuck that I feel like an insecure 8th grade girl instead of a strong man of kindness, love and integrity.

Fuck that I've lost my innocent view of the world an become miserable and angry.

Fuck that my life only means something to me if I have someone to love.

Fuck me that I let her hijack my mind and my heart and no matter how hard I try it seems I can't take it back.

Fuck that I won't find the love I crave and deserve until I work through this and get mentally well.

Fuck me that I'm so broken.

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I might as well join this thread, although not really like to use profanities, but today was a trying day, so, here it goes:

 

Big F You to the Bank of America for not having their IT sh.. figured out and telling me that they do not support the type of the brouser I am using to finish my online transfer. Just about 75% of America is using Apple products and they do not support Safari. Idiots...after 50 min waiting on the phone all they can suggest is that i drive to the local branch and do a withdrawal there.

 

Big F U to my life without my husband and having to deal with so many issues i shouldn't have to without him.

 

And F the spring and everything in bloom, when all he wanted is for the weather to be warm and spend time outside with me and his newborn child, only to die on the last day of the winter.

 

I am sure i will have many more Fs to share...

 

 

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@Jen Hugs!!!!

 

Fuck this shit! Why the fuck did my cat have to die just 6 days short of the second sadiversary of DH's death? Why the fuck does March has to be such a fucked up month in the 2010 decade? I used to love March because I have a birth day then. Why the fuck I'm tired and gloomy all the time? what the fuck is wrong with me? Why the fuck can't I have back the face I loved so much (yeah, looking at pics). AAAARGH! fuck this shit!

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A big ol' fuck you to all the people who think that I am their own personal bitch. Fuck you to everybody who has no problem dumping shit on me that they would never think of handling themselves. Fuck you to all the people who seem to think regularly, oh, let's just have Christine handle it. Fuck you to all the people who think I never get sick, or need a day to myself.

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Guest TooSoon

oh, let's just have Christine handle it.

 

Story of my life, right down to the name.  I was talking to students yesterday and realized that with each topic that came up or each question they asked, I either said, "You can come to me because I am in charge of that." or "I'm the advisor for that organization." or "I'm the chair of that committee."  Honestly,  it was a bit absurd.  Must learn how to gracefully decline/avoid/back out of some of this crap that others could and should easily do.  They didn't teach me how to say no in graduate school.  Bleh.  So I send a fuck that on your behalf. 

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Guest TormentedTwoStep

Fuck the fact that I had three dates this week that all seemed promising, yet nothing panned out right.

Fuck the fact I walked up to my front door for the millionth time knowing nothing and nobody that loves me would be on the other side of it.

Fuck my dad who saw my neighbors this week and told them, "My son's just not the same since his wife died.  He has serious problems."

Fuck the fact I don't have problems, I have trauma.  Problems are solvable.

Fuck the fact I watched my wife die, then watched my second love of a lifetime walk out of my life just two years later.

Fuck that she's married again and happy, and I'm still alone.

Fuck my and my shattered heart.  You bet I'm not the same you pathetic old man.  I never will be.

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FUCK YOU DEATH!

 

Fuck you for taking the love of my life.  He was only 28 when he died.  How the fuck does that happen?

Fuck you for taking my past, my present, my future

Fuck you for taking my hopes, dreams, happiness, my joy in life

Fuck you for making April 30th a day I will forever remember

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I really like this fucking thread. 

 

Fuck you myelofibrosis and leukemia.  You killed my husband and you will probably kill my mother.

Fuck you to the eating disordered part of my brain.  You have been with me for far too many years. Don't you fucking make me even more miserable than I already am.

 

On now something positive:

Steve - I love you more than anything or anybody in this whole world.  Please come back to me. I need you so much, baby.

 

I edited this to delete some of my FYs.  Trying to forgive a few people - not sure that is possible but maybe it is better that I don't put those situations in print.

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A big ol' fuck you to all the people who think that I am their own personal bitch. Fuck you to everybody who has no problem dumping shit on me that they would never think of handling themselves. Fuck you to all the people who seem to think regularly, oh, let's just have Christine handle it. Fuck you to all the people who think I never get sick, or need a day to myself.

 

I'm just going to just quote this, because it bears repeating. Man I hate my fucking job.

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