Jen Posted June 5, 2016 Author Share Posted June 5, 2016 And fuck that the loneliness is fucking killing me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest TooSoon Posted June 6, 2016 Share Posted June 6, 2016 Fuck that I don't know where I belong anymore... no matter where I am, I feel so lost. And I don't even have words to describe it. Jen, I feel like a visitor in my life a lot of the time even now. I never wanted to be here (geographically) in the first place but here I am. I think it might be pretty normal after a trauma and transition like this to feel a bit cast away. What made sense before no longer does. I think that it's a sign of self-awareness and growth and a positive thing that you sense non-belonging. It isn't easy, but I do believe it is healthy. This is the early stage of finding your new footing and that is the start of something new and positive. I'm here. xoxox Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bunny Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 I really fucking HATE how my anxiety has come back, like my body is reminding me, just in case I might try to forget- 'it's June, bunny!' Yeah, I know. Almost four years. Anxious. Anxious. Anxious. FUCK. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsDan Posted June 14, 2016 Share Posted June 14, 2016 Fuck that if I want anything taken care of, including myself, I have to do it myself. Fuck all the illusions I had about people. Fuck alcohol. Fuck me for repeatedly going down certain roads when by now, I should really know better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kater Posted June 14, 2016 Share Posted June 14, 2016 Yesterday was my first birthday without him. The call I just got, "So......how was your birthday." How the fuck do you think it was? And my favourite comment on FB, "happy birthday. Hope this is your year". What the fuck?!? My year to wonder what the hell the rest of my life is supposed to look like? Ya, that will be it. Fuuuuuck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tatianakm Posted June 20, 2016 Share Posted June 20, 2016 Fuck these holidays, here, I said it, FUCK! I don't want to feel like this; I want to function normally. I might as well be surrounded by aliens- it sure feels this way. I am moving, talking, making vacation plans, even laughing,- but it all feels as if I am witnessing someone else's life from the sidelines. Shit, can't even express myself that it makes any sense. Don't want any fucking holidays, let it be only workdays, that I can bury myself in my routine and don't let myself feel this empty, hollow, grim loneliness... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captains wife Posted June 22, 2016 Share Posted June 22, 2016 Fuck these moods, fuck that no one seems to get how tough all of this is, fuck that I have to plaster a smile on my face and appease everyone all the time...for some reason today, I want to crawl into bed, watch bad tv and stay there for a few days... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeanGenie Posted June 22, 2016 Share Posted June 22, 2016 Fuck these moods, fuck that no one seems to get how tough all of this is, fuck that I have to plaster a smile on my face and appease everyone all the time...for some reason today, I want to crawl into bed, watch bad tv and stay there for a few days... Captain's Wife, I hear ya and couldn't agree more! Been feeling the same way...such bipolar moods lately. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
donswife Posted June 22, 2016 Share Posted June 22, 2016 Captains wife and JeanGenie I am doing just that today ...took the day off and watching crappy tv Just needed it today so thanks for posting "fuck these moods" ditto Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted June 30, 2016 Share Posted June 30, 2016 Fuck CANCER!!!! Fuck the threat of cancer hitting my family again. Fuck that I know I am not strong enough to go through this again. Fuck that I no longer believe in "the odds are this is nothing to worry about" because every time I've been told that the odds were not in our favor. Fuck Fuck Fuck!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest TooSoon Posted June 30, 2016 Share Posted June 30, 2016 Fuck CANCER!!!! Fuck the threat of cancer hitting my family again. Fuck that I know I am not strong enough to go through this again. Fuck that I no longer believe in "the odds are this is nothing to worry about" because every time I've been told that the odds were not in our favor. Fuck Fuck Fuck!! Indeed. Fuck cancer. Thinking of you and hoping for the best! xo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sandrine2279 Posted June 30, 2016 Share Posted June 30, 2016 fuck cancer.... just learnt my grand mother may have a cancer (again)... don't even know if she could go under a surgery being 86 years old. fuck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoVerySad Posted July 4, 2016 Share Posted July 4, 2016 Fuck that every experience in my life since my T died, even happy and fun ones, pales so deeply in comparison to just spending time doing nothing with him. I'm working so hard to re-engage with life and consciously trying not to make comparisons, but it feels like my mind and body do it anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guaruj Posted July 6, 2016 Share Posted July 6, 2016 Please allow me to apologize, in advance, to anyone here who works or has worked in a call center. I don't enjoy receiving these phone calls. I'm nearly always polite if I understand the call to be for legitimate reasons. But if I detect a scam, or even just a nuisance, there will be no pleasantries from me. Those people really should go fuck themselves. I was actually having a good day at work today. I started extra early and was happily writing code when my cell phone rang from an out-of-state number I didn't recognize. I answered the phone with a not-so-friendly "hello". I could hear the background chatter of a call center. "Hello, may I speak with Catherine?" was the reply I got. What? Two years and one day after she died, somebody seemed to be calling for my wife on my cellphone. They asked for "Catherine", not "Cathy" or "Kate". "Catherine who?", I asked. It got even weirder from there. "I'm live agent, but my software requires me to use scripted responses". That didn't make much sense, so I said "Look, don't screw around with me! Who are you calling for?" "Hello, may I speak with Catherine?" "You already asked me that. You're obviously not a person if you can't carry on a conversation." I find myself making this accusation more and more often. Welcome to the future. "I'm live agent, but my software requires me to use scripted responses". "If you have to use scripted responses, then you're not a person". There I was, arguing on the phone with someone I presumed to be a machine. I write software for a living, so I'm annoyed when someone uses such crappy software to meddle with me. So I finished up by saying "By the way, Catherine is my wife, and she died two years ago". "Oh. I'm sorry." Finally, the monkey stopped pushing buttons and actually spoke to me. I didn't tell him to go fuck himself, but only because I was at work. It truly pissed me off. I had to go walk a few laps in the corridors just to clear my head. |+| M a r k |+| Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
linda5 Posted July 8, 2016 Share Posted July 8, 2016 Fuck that I think I'm ready to go to a dating website, then come home and see his pictures, his stuff, and then I chicken out. I want to date one minute, and the next I'm not so sure. Fuck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Needytoo Posted July 16, 2016 Share Posted July 16, 2016 First time I have posted on this thread: To my friend that said I was moody after a 3 hour work out, do I ever put you down during one of your “bipolar” moments no I do not so you can fuck off. To my sister, thank you for texting me and asking why I am not at my Father’s. The answer is the same every year dear sister. We were not invited so fuck off bringing it up. Why don’t you and my dear brother bring up with your hosts? To my BIL, thank you for your 6 month phone call to check up on us, have to admit at least you are better than my family. Thank you for telling me I should move on but it really isn’t your business so fuck off. To contractors all of you can fuck off Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest TooSoon Posted July 17, 2016 Share Posted July 17, 2016 I just need to say fuck you to academia (I'd like to get more specific than that but it wouldn't be professional but then again maybe that doesn't really matter since I'm apparently not a professional equal to my peers or the administration - to be fair, my department, chair and dean supported me without equivocation). Final rejection from our University president today on my promotion. Fuck that one more time. Such an antiquated, capricious, generally fucked up system. I might need to fuck this whole thing a few more times as I have to face the people who made this decision when the new semester begins and smile at them like nothing happened. So, I'll just fuck that in advance. Thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsDan Posted July 18, 2016 Share Posted July 18, 2016 Fuck feeling guilty that I forgot to call my mother on her birthday yesterday when she did not call on my daughter's birthday the day before or my wedding anniversary two days before that. Fuck that I have no idea what our relationship is supposed to be nowadays. She's coming to DD's birthday party next week so maybe that's why she didn't call on her birthday but she has never acknowledged my anniversary since my husband's death. My MIL texted me, pretty much first thing that day. Dan's siblings texted me. My sister and a friend sent messages, another posted on Dan's wall. But not my mom. Did she just forget? Maybe, but it's two days before her granddaughter's birthday and on Bastille Day FFS. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dianne34 Posted July 19, 2016 Share Posted July 19, 2016 Fuck my life. Fuck how it's only been two weeks and the books and posts I read promise years and years of this miserable shit to come. I did NOT sign up for this shit and neither did my husband or our little girls. Fuck how the thought of the rest of my life makes me cry where just a moment ago it filled my heart with love and happy anticipation. Fuck how my husband was my best friend and he should be helping me through this. Fuck that we were building our dream house and I'm finishing it alone, so I can go sit in it and be miserable. Fuck how moving elsewhere is an equally depressing alternative. Fuck how I am mean to my parents who are trying their best to help. Fuck that I will have to go 'out there' to make new friends and build a network also for the girls, I was perfectly fine spending Tuesday nights on the couch with my husband. Fuck Tuesdays, and other days of the week as well for that matter. Fuck how the weather is great and everyone outside is happy. Fuck people that ask me 'how are you doing now?' Exactly as bad as last week thank you very much. It's fucking not fair. I miss him so much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScorpioGirl Posted July 19, 2016 Share Posted July 19, 2016 Fuck the stupid lights in the bathroom I can't fucking fix myself so I've been showering in the dark all week. Fuck my so-called friends who don't even fucking care or ask how I am now - too busy living their fucking perfect lives. Fuck my annoying MIL who rings me constantly for support, ring your other two children and leave me the fuck alone! Fuck that telemarketer who rang here last night to speak to my husband - you can't he's fucking dead. I should also tell myself off for being a terrible fucking mother who takes my crappy mood out on my kids. They didn't fucking ask for this shitty life either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsDan Posted July 22, 2016 Share Posted July 22, 2016 Fuck Huffy. Fuck the fact that two people with Master's degrees could not get the pedals on, because they do not fucking fit and her party is tomorrow. Fuck the fact that when I contacted customer service, they instructed us to do exactly what we've been doing for two days. Fuck the fact that I have to be 100% on point all the time to keep this stupid house of cards I've had to construct together but everybody else gets to phone shit in and fuck shit up. Fuck looking crazy in front of BF when he offered to take it to a bike shop because I can't bring myself to rely on his help in that way. Fuck letting him anyway. Fuck the fact that I have avoided and or dreaded birthday celebrations for her because they are so painful and when I finally start looking forward to one, the big gift is a fail, and it's going to be a million fucking degrees out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsDan Posted July 22, 2016 Share Posted July 22, 2016 UPDATE: The crank holes are supposed to be threaded but ours aren't! This makes me a huge crank hole. Boyfriend offered to exchange the bike and start all over. Awesome. Wasted an entire evening. FUCK YOU HUFFY! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TofinoMan Posted July 25, 2016 Share Posted July 25, 2016 Do keep in mind to if you get another bike, that with many bikes one pedal has standard threads, and one backwards threads....in theory its so the pedals won't come loose while pedaling. Not every bike has this....but most do. Hope the next bike goes better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SK Posted July 26, 2016 Share Posted July 26, 2016 Fuck the people who say, "don't say anything about her husband, he just died a few months ago. It might upset her" ! I WANT TO TALK ABOUT HIM!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted July 26, 2016 Share Posted July 26, 2016 Fuck my life and the growing list of things I can't accomplish in a day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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