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Once again, ladies and gentlemen... the F*** YOU thread


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Fuck the holidays and all he advertisements of couples in love . Fuck that I can't see the joy in my wife's eyes when I placed the gifts under the tree when she told me that we weren't going to do gifts so that we could save. And then she comes out with a gift that was even bigger. Fuck all the slow music that brings back the loneliness and memories of smelling your perfume. And one final fuck you to all of those people that don't know how to treat your spouses properly for I would give everything in this world for 2 seconds just to see her smile and tell her that I love her.

(Thank you I have been holding this in for I hate this time of the years)

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Fuck that I have to do this by myself.

Fuck the void he left in my life, our sons lives.

Fuck not having someone to hold me, tell me everything is going to be ok.

Fuck not having him here to make me laugh.

Fuck having to hold it all together, when all I want to do is sleep for the next fucking month.

Just fuck it all.

 

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Fuck that I am here without my soulmate

Fuck that I have to get up and leave my bed when he is not here, and I don't care anymore

Fuck that no one bloody understands

Fuck that he is all I wanted, and he isn't with me anymore

Fuck that I believed in fairy tales, and now I don't

Fuck that I can't wrap my head around this still, and people expect me to have moved on

Fuck everything!

 

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Fuck my brother who said he was too busy to watch my kids for 4 days so I could go to Vegas on a trip I had planned since April and then booked himself a trip to Vegas the same week when my father had a heart attack so couldn't watch my kids. 

 

Fuck my sister who had the nerve to complain that her "poor husband" was left alone for 1 night by himself to feed the kids, while we were at the hospital with my Dad; when my two teens were left alone to fend for themselves for 4 nights since no one else "could make time" to stay for his surgery.

 

WTF

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Fuck that I am remarried but still unhappy.  Fuck that no matter how hard I try, the magic of a great marriage just isn't happening this time around.  Fuck that I can't stop wishing for what I used to have. 

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fuck that the second Christmas since my don died is so much harder, because he really isn't coming back

fuck the feeling when you pull up to a gathering and you have to take a deep breath and get ready to walk in alone

fuck that you have to put on a happy face all the fucking time

fuck that I won't be getting a Christmas present from a man that put so much thought into every gift he ever gave me

 

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Fuck these holidays that amplifie my loneliness.

Fuck anyone who make each step of life a harder step forward.

Fuck anyone with out compassion ton understand.

Fuck each person that doesn't have the heart or spirit to help rather than condem

      Fuck each of the people that feel true loneliness and aren't offered comfort from another human.

  We are here to help one another & I'm happy for that.

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Fuck guilt. Fuck that even though I know I'm entitled and deserving of happiness, this guilt creeps in and makes me doubt my worth. Fuck that widowhood taints every new happy pivotal memory. Fuck that simultaneous feeling of happiness and sadness. Why can't I just be happy and guilt free?

 

Fuck that she died.

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Fuck that one year after she died, I'm unhappier than I've ever been before.  Fuck that I would rather now be watching her die from cancer like I was last year rather than being here today in a worse situation.  Fuck that nothing has got better, and instead has gotten only worse.  Fuck that I lost everything.  And fuck that I'm once again on the brink of killing myself because I'm a pathetic widow who can't handle something that countless other people manage to deal with.

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Fuck that I got a great new job and he's not here for me to tell him all about it.

Fuck that I am explaining the story again . . .

Fuck that the two year anniversary is two weeks away . . .

Fuck that I had to buy presents for the grandsons alone . . . he could spend hours in Toys R Us finding the perfect gift

Fuck that the grandsons will grow up not knowing Papaw . . . or how excited he was to have them in his life. 

shit damn hell fuck god damn mother fuck son of a bitch . . . (a combo of mine and his favorite curse words)

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Guest TooSoon

Fuck that I cannot get my daughter's birthday present out of the car (a bicycle).  It is completely fucking stuck and she's going to be home in half an hour and there is, of course, no one here to help me.  Fuck that I might have to ask her to help me instead of getting to park it in the living room with a big bow to surprise her.  Fuck that she's NINE today.  When did that fucking happen? Fuck that she's now known her Dad sick or dead longer than she knew him alive.

 

ETA: I managed to get it out but ripped two fucking holes in the seat.  Fuck that too. 

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I am not one to curse or use the f-bomb, but can I just express my incredible indignation, irritation, and annoyance anyway? Maybe one of you can do the cursing for me.  ;D

 

Last month, I had to take a super important, 5-1/2 hour, 4 subtest examination to prove I have subject matter competency to teach my high school, special education English class (because, apparently, receiving advanced placement scores in high school that were high enough to completely test out of college level English classes; graduating with honors from both high school and college; receiving a bachelor's degree in special education with an additional 45+ semester hours of graduate level course work; over a thousand hours of inservice training; AND 15+ years of teaching experience - including being department chair, being on school/district leadership committees, serving as a mentor teacher, and receiving "exemplary" or "superior" status on 13 years' worth of teacher evaluations - is not enough to prove I am "highly qualified"). BUT, I digress....

 

Anyway, I chose to take the entire test on the same day, rather than taking each individual test one at a time. The registration information said that there would be a break provided, for people taking all subtests at one sitting. Let me also add that this was a timed test, so taking breaks at any point outside of the provided break counts against the time one has to complete the subtest.

 

So, on the day of testing, I completed the first two subtests and thought I would be given a break. I was not. After waiting for a while, with no sign of anyone giving me a break, I started the third subtest. When I started the third subtest, I was thinking that, at any point, someone would at least let me go to the bathroom. No. Such. Luck.

 

About halfway through the 3rd subtest, I still had not been given a break and I had reached critical status. My choice was to either take a nonscheduled break (counting against my time) or pee all over myself. You can probably guess which option I chose.

 

One would think that, as an adult, you could just get up and go to the bathroom, when needed. Oh no! Since this was a computerized test in a secured facility, I had to raise my hand and wait for someone to come and log me off. Then, I had to wait while the person SLOWLY verified I was leaving the testing area by taking my fingerprints and checking my picture ID (like I magically turned into someone else, while sitting at the computer, in plain sight). The fingerprint machine didn't work the first time, so I had to repeat the process. Next, I had to wait on someone to come from in back to give me a key to the bathroom (because God forbid one have access to bathrooms in a public building).

 

Upon returning from the bathroom, I had to wait on someone to come from the back, so I could return the precious bathroom key. I then had to wait on the original slow person to once again verify my identity by taking my fingerprint and checking my photo ID (just in case I traded places with someone in the few minutes it took to go to the bathroom). I also had to wait on the same said slow person to log me back on to the computer, so I could complete my assessment.

 

All of this ended up taking about 20 minutes (possibly longer) of my assessment time, which is a huge deal when one must read 3 passages and write two 800-1000 word essays (that show mastery of the subject matter) all within 1-1/2 hours of time. If they hadn't been so slow, I could have been there and back in less than 5 minutes, for God's sake! Thanks to the slow, incompetence of the workers and their failure to give me a break in the first place, I ran out of time to complete my second of the two essays, even though I knew the answers. Needless to say, that particular subtest is the only one I did not pass. Now, I have to pay additional registration fees and take more time out of my schedule to retake that one subtest. (I had top scores on all the other subtests). Grrrrr...... >:(

 

* Sorry this is so long, but I REALLY needed to vent!

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