On line dating vents and laughs......

[klim]

uuuhm....guys....do you like whwen a lady contacts you on the online sights or do you find that forward?

I suspect this has been asked before but we're kinda on the topic.

 

Gals do you do much of the contacting?

[Momtojandj]

Klim... I have on occasion contacted a guy , and it's never resulted in a date .

[serpico]

uuuhm....guys....do you like whwen a lady contacts you on the online sights or do you find that forward?

 

I haven't been online in quite awhile but I absolutely enjoyed getting contacted by ladies. Maybe some men are completely different than me but I would never consider it too forward.

[Portside]

I've been out of the dating scene for years now. But, when I was in the trenches, I very much enjoyed being asked out by women. I found it flattering. I never turned any one down. I did my share of asking also.

 

I found at 50+, most of the BS surrounding dating simply went away. It was scary at times but only because it had changed so much in 30 years. Maybe I was lucky - All the women I went out with were honest, decent, no drama type people. Certainly they were not all for me, but good gals each and every one.

 

Mike

[Mrskro]

Klim;  I've also contacted guys online and it's never resulted in a date. 

[Captains wife]

Um - yeah, I agree with the above post.....I have never been that lucky asking guys out or even have them replying to me when I show I am interested. I have therefore tended to sit back and wait for them to contact me/ask me out. I honestly don't get it sometimes...Im not that bad lol (Guess guys that I like aren't interested in me....sigh....)

[kjs1989]

I have been reading these posts and found them interesting to say the least. I had a different experience in the  game of pursuit.

 

I have been with the guy I met online over three years now. I contacted him first. He was indeed flattered and took the pursuit from there. I wanted some control over the situation which led me to contact the guys I was interested in and thought I had the most in common with. It worked out by far better for me than the other way around.

 

Ya just never know.

[azjane]

I contacted my boyfriend first. I wasn't actually thinking we'd have much in common but I wanted to comment on one of the things in his profile that I found awesome (didmt expect to get a response, just wanted to compliment him) and hd took it from there.

[kjs1989]

I want to add that my modus operandi in regard to dating during widowhood pretty much matches what I have done my whole life and what I tell my daughter to do.

 

I have never been afraid to express initial interest. Every long-term relationship I ever had was the result of me throwing the first pitch. It just worked out that way. It may be the other way around for others. That chemistry feeling seems to be so rare for me that I did not want to let it pass me by if I felt it. If he caught the pitch, great. If not, I couldn't be bothered wasting my time and I accepted that it wasn't meant to be. I hate mixed signals. It sucks for my self esteem and makes me crazy. If a guy is interested, he will pursue, or at least give you very positive signs that he wants to know more about you. He won't be willy-nilly or flakey about it. I feel really strongly about that.

 

I guess the bottom line is, and what I tell my daughter, is go for the guy that likes you just a little bit more than you like him in the beginning, but for whom you feel a draw. It is nice to have the upper hand just a bit,  not to play games or wreak havoc with his feelings, but just to have time to figure out if there is potential. I have found that my feelings typically grow in these situations, and that my instinct and initial attraction is usually right.

[robunknown]

I guess you could say I am a seasoned user of online dating now. As a man, my stats line up with what I have generally found online for a guy. Here is my experience. Men do most of the messaging, women do most of the sifting of emails.

I'll spend about 5 minutes writing an email to someone. It will only be 1-2 sentences. You don't need to be cleaver, if she's interested, she'll write back. I don't want someone writing back to me only because of a cleaver comment and then disappear after her one response (She was never interested in me anyways, and it just wastes my time):

- 81% of my messages go unanswered (80 messages sent)

- 15% turn into some kind of back and forth where she disappears when I propose a phone conversation or meeting

- 4% turn into actual dates

 

It's rare someone messages me. I'll get "likes" and "winks" that sometimes get me to write them an email. I have had only one woman contact me that ended up in a date.

 

My operating mode is that I don't do texting relationships. This weeds out a ton of people that are only looking for a pen pal, they disappear once you try to move it to a phone call or meet up. Within a couple of email exchanges I'll give her my number to call me to talk for a few minutes. If she calls I'll only talk for 10 minutes before I ask when she is available to go out. I'm ready with a time and place. If you waste all your conversation on emails or phone, you'll have zero to talk about when you meet up. If you tell her all about herself, that kills any curiosity she had about you.

 

I know people on here will say that they need more time talking to someone before they meet up. I've never had anyone say, "I'm not comfortable talking or meeting just yet", they just "poof" disappear.

 

This just has been my experience.

[StillWidowed]

I'm with SunshineFL as well.  The key is that he pursued.  My point wasn't who did the asking out.  My point was....is he showing interest?  Is that interest then leading to the two of you actually going on a date?  Is he following up that date with communication?  Or is he doing the equivalent of a drive by text?

 

Dating is tough.  Throw in the loss of a spouse, and cripes O'Malley is it tough.  When you get that spidey sense that something is off, listen to your gut.  Too many times we want to give the benefit of the doubt.  I'm not saying hit the flush handle right away, but step back, pay attention, and let that person unfold without getting attached too soon.  Then if you need to, you can opt out with less damage to your heart.

[Abitlost]

I always had my profile in "private" mode I think it was called where no one could see me unless I contacted him first, so yes I made all the first moves. I had so many dates I can't even count.

[klim]

 

I do make contact with guys first and some guys make contact with me first.

 

Here's the funny part: when I pull up the" you made contact first" page with all the thumbnail pictures and compare it with the "they made contact first" page there's a few things I notice

 

1) people who want me are way older than the ones I want...by an average of 10 years....(and I'm not choosing young'ns, I do tend to choose  my own age).

2) the visuals are more pleasing on the page where I make first contact.....so I guess those profile pics are important.

[Momtojandj]

So I have to amend my answer, I actually have a date Sunday night with a guy I started contact with online . He then has asked me out, we have texted on phone . No phone call.. But that's ok . Public place . Funny thing is not sure he's really my type, but one of his pictures made me laugh and I sent more of a comment about it . So we shall see.

[tybec]

Yeah to MomtoJandJ!

 

I had a few men contact me, getting on line first of Feb. 2016.  I swear they wanted a green card or were just lonely truckers.  A few contacted me and then ghosted when I replied.  Enter the NG.  I looked him up.  He had a soldiers' uniform on, in Iraq at one point.  I live next to one of the largest Army Posts, where my DH worked, too. So, I started with that, asking if he had been stationed there.  Turned out I missed the AF Officer uniform pic, so, no, but he still responded.  Told me he never would have looked at me due to the distance, out of his parameters, had I not contacted him first.  3 plus months, and we are together as a couple.  He jokes he was "plucked off the shelf" by me, likely an ego boost, but he changed his rules to see me  ;D.  So, there ya go... I got off line in March, too.  He is who he said he is, thankfully, based on the stories here.  Wow....

[momtokam]

Klim... I have on occasion contacted a guy , and it's never resulted in a date .

 

Same here...

[momtokam]

So I have to amend my answer, I actually have a date Sunday night with a guy I started contact with online . He then has asked me out, we have texted on phone . No phone call.. But that's ok . Public place . Funny thing is not sure he's really my type, but one of his pictures made me laugh and I sent more of a comment about it . So we shall see.

 

Good luck! :-)

[RobFTC]

Interesting conversation while I have been off living life ...

 

I think the flip side of "a good man will pursue" is that "a good woman will make it clear she likes him".  I have made most of the initial moves, but if I am getting mixed signals or a woman is reading "The Rules" and deciding to play hard to get, I will cut my losses.  There's a difference between a woman who's got a busy life but makes time for me, and a woman following a rule book, and a woman who's just not that interested.  I don't mind not interested, it happens every day, but it's best if that's apparent.  I understand and accept a lack of response, given what women get from some fools.

 

On the topic of women initiating, I have had that result in several dates, including a woman I had a nice time dating last summer.  For me, I am sometimes getting offers from Large Marge the cowgirl from Nebraska who looks rode hard and hung up wet, or someone else from pointlessly far away, and I don't want it to go anywhere.  Anyone initiating must remember it's still subject to the other person's selection criteria and not take rejection personally.  I'd say ask if you're comfortable, and you might get guys who like that and to heck with those who don't - could be a nice fool filter.  And it can give you some perspective about how smokin' low guys' response rates can be!

 

Take care,

Rob T

[Needytoo]

Update from the North.  I have no issue starting the conversation with a guy and a few of them have resulted in coffee dates.  Still getting messages from one legged man, he has stood me up twice thinking of blocking him. Still more of the guys asking what I do for a living before even asking my name but the mystery is solved thanks to my dental hygienist who has the scoop on everything.  According to her the guys in our area are sick and tired of the welfare Moms. Guess that makes sense.

Another guy messaged me last week to hang out in his second sentence. Honestly not sure how to take this but maybe I shouldn't be so critical.  That is the point isn't, to meet the person face to face.

Another interesting development, I belong to an online facebook for single ladies over 40. There are members from all over the world, wouldn't you know one of the members lives in the same town as me.  We both are going to go to the Speed Dating together, and the 45-55 group is the largest.  Go figure. The next Speed Dating even is July 23 and I can't wait. 

[Forgottenwife]

he has stood me up twice thinking of blocking him.

 

I would block any man that stood me up - you can do so much better.

[Momtojandj]

Ok, date from last night changed to Tuesday night . So I will let you all know how that goes. However , chatted with another online seemed nice , pics good. Then he sends me a recent one thru my phone.. Um Ok , the pictures online are easy 10 years old based on his recent ! Geez... I hate online !

[Taurus]

he has stood me up twice thinking of blocking him.

 

I would block any man that stood me up - you can do so much better.

He's got an excuse: he's only got one leg!!  ;D

 

...unless she meant he has one he doesn't walk on LOL!!

[Taurus]

Ok, date from last night changed to Tuesday night . So I will let you all know how that goes. However , chatted with another online seemed nice , pics good. Then he sends me a recent one thru my phone.. Um Ok , the pictures online are easy 10 years old based on his recent ! Geez... I hate online !

 

Doncha know cameras add 10 years on to the subjects...or is that kilograms??  :-\

[Momtojandj]

So was supposed to have two dates this week.. One ghosted and other fizzled out.  I don't want to do this anymore . Make small talk , talk about myself to have them poof . It's tedious, I deleted the dating site I was on, went to try a new one and just don't want to !  I think I'm in need of a break , refocus .. Maybe I'm going about it wrong , I don't know anymore .

[StillWidowed]

I had a meet and greet last night.  When I showed up he was standing outside waiting for me.  When he smiled his teeth were as............yellow as the SUN!  Come one people!  Buy some Crest White Strips or something!  It's not that difficult!

 

End rant