introduce yourself here

[calimom]

Hello all.  I'm Amber, my husband Jeff was killed seven years ago on his way home from work by a drunk driver.  I've gone to court for the sentencing of the driver, and twice to parole hearings to ensure his continued residency in the prison system to finish his prison term.

At the time of my husband's death, our children were 1, 5, and 14.  I was honored to become the legal guardian of my stepdaughter, who is now in college. Our youngest two are currently 8 and 12.  Life is different, to say the least, but still good.  It takes a lot to recover and rebuild.

 

Only respect for the founders of YWBB and only respect for the organizers of this new site.  Thank you one and all for this opportunity to share our experiences and learn from one another.  Peace to all.

[Guest littlebirdie]

Brent was diagnosed with gallbladder cancer in November 2011. He had been having back pain for a few months that nothing was helping; it just got worse and worse. He was young and otherwise healthy so they figured he had hurt his back painting the exterior of our house, which is what he was doing when the pain started. He was an OR nurse and one of his friends, a pain doctor, wanted him to have a CT of his belly because she was suspicious that something else was going on. Long story short, he ended up in the hospital, had a bunch of tests and a biopsy, and we got the diagnosis on November 10, 2011, that he had GB cancer. They thought initially that it was fairly localized, so we went to U of M in Ann Arbor and he had surgery. When they opened him up, the cancer was in his GB, liver, bile ducts, pancreas (that's where the back pain was coming from), and was infiltrating into his duodenum. He did three rounds of chemo and had too many surgeries to count, but he died 8 months after he was diagnosed. He was 43.

 

We met in high school when we worked at the same little grocery store and were basically inseparable for 25 years. It's hard to figure out who you are and what your life is supposed to be when the person with whom you've experienced every milestone since you were 17 years old is gone so suddenly. It's been nearly three years and I'm still trying to figure it out.

[Shelby]

I'm Shelby. I'm five years out as of yesterday, March 8, 2015. i took care of my beloved Rich for a very very long time until his death from complications of diabetes and I would do it all over again. I kind of am. My new husband, Joe, also is diabetic and is beginning to have eerily similar complications. A part of me is afraid the writing is on the wall.

 

I lost myself along the way and didn't realize it until I went for grief counseling and the dude asked me what I liked to do for fun. I had no answer. Fun was such a distant memory and the hardship of those years and the aching emptiness of loss had changed me so much.

 

YWBB and the people there helped to save me. The people there, both online and in person, helped me begin to find who this new Shelby would be. So I'm glad that, in its absence, Justin and Jess have made this place available to us oldsters who need to revisit and to help and especially for all the baby widows who will come behind us.

 

Shelby

 

 

[JacklessSally]

Tiffany 29 years old, and on November 13 2014 I lost the love of my young life. Here is our story.

 

 

My love and I met over 10 years ago when he hired me to help him run his retail store.  Fast forward 8 1/2 years. I had gotten out of the relationship I was in (it turned out VERY BADLY). I was going to attend our mutual friends commitment ceremony. I got "dressed up" and went to the ceremony. Shortly after I was there, my love walked in. We were both all smiles, and made small talk to try to catch up with each other. I followed him around like a puppy dog the whole night. Our friends had convinced us to swap numbers at the end of the night. That was the start of it, we were inseparable. We had found the other half to our whole. We were working toward our life together.

 

Fast forward a year, a week, and 4 days. My love was on his way back to the office from a delivery and was 2 blocks away from our home. He went to change lanes on our little country highway, was clipped by a truck, which sent him into oncoming traffic. He was hit by another driver doing 60-65 miles an hour. We were told he died instantly. He passed away at 7:02 pm. We were not notified for several hours.

 

After hours of trying to reach him, speaking to his work, calling local hospitals and police stations... 10:30 pm, I look out our bedroom window and see two state troopers pulling up our street, shining flashlights at the mail boxes. I knew it was him... I hoped for a split second that he was in the car. When they pulled up to the house the state trooper asked if we knew him.. And that is when she told us that he was in a accident and he did not make it..

 

Since then my life has been upside down. His mother and I planned the funeral and laid him to rest on the 19th of November. He was only 40. We had so many more years that we should have spent together. A year and 11 days just wasn't enough..

[Jess]

I'm Jess. I was married to my husband, Joe, for almost 8 years. He was never in bad health. Shortly before midnight on July 25th, 2014, he kissed me goodnight as he was going to sleep downstairs to watch the 2 month old puppy we had adopted the day before. I brushed my teeth, changed into my pajamas, and laid down to go to sleep. A couple minutes later, I heard strange noises and went downstairs to investigate and found he was having a seizure. He had never had a seizure before so while I knew the situation was bad and called 911, I didn't have any concept it could be fatal. His heart stopped on the ambulance on the way to the hospital and they were not able to bring him back. He died shortly after midnight on July 26, 2014, my father's birthday, at the age of 34.

 

While I have accepted he is gone and is not coming back, some days it is still so hard to wrap my mind around. He was kind, wonderful man that always made me laugh.

[Carey]

Hi. I was Amy_Carey on the other forum. Decided maybe it wasn't best to have my full name as my username but couldn't be creative this early on a Monday to save my life   I joined YWBB 9 days after losing my husband on 11/23/13.  His death was complicated and I guess I am a complicated griever.  Our 17th wedding anniversary was a week to the day after he died. He died on his 42nd birthday.  I loved my Chad, I know that I did, but our marriage was not easy and living with him was hard. He had a severe problem with alcohol but also had all the good intentions in the world.  He was a jet engine mechanic. He had been in the air force and then worked for 16 years doing the same job as a civilian contractor. He was VERY good at his job and was devastated when the military cut the contract positions and he was laid off. He didn't know who he was or what to do without that job.  VERY long story short, he took a temporary civilian contractor position for one year in Saudi Arabia. He died there after he had been there 9 months due to sleep apnea complicated by alcoholism.  The story is much longer but that's the nutshell.  I am so very thankful to this board being here now that YWBB is gone because I am still struggling quite a bit and the support of fellow wids has been invaluable. My heartfelt thanks for taking this on.

[tmppgh2015]

Hi my names Tracy and I'm actually from pittsburgh pa... I can't thank those enough who put this board together... I'm not one to post a lot, but I frequent the board often... March 8, 2015 was my 1 year without my Todd... Todd was my hero... He was diagnoised with colon cancer when he was 35. He battle many setbacks both cancer related and not... Seems once one thing goes wrong the rest of your body does crazy things too... Despite all he went through Todd was the most inspirational and positive person I know and I try to draw on that to help me through... I still have many rough days, but I am blessed to have a great support system of both family and friends. I still sit her and can't believe I am 38 and widowed... Todd and I were together for 20 years and married for 18... I do realize I am blessed that I did have that time, but it's still not enough. This year I am trying to learn who I am. Todd and I grew up together. When they say your grief process is your grief process they aren't lying. I know I have made mistakes, I am trying to be better. The ywbb has helped me with my struggles to know I'm not alone and some of my feelings are normal. I hope to be more active thru this forum as it seems being a year out I've come to reality and do need help.

[Love mike]

I'm Traci and my husband Mike died suddenly in Nov. 2008.  The doctor suspected he died from a pulmonary embolism but couldn't be sure without an autopsy.  My kids did not want the autopsy performed on their dad and in my shocked state I agreed with them - I wish I had let them do it so we would know for sure.  I have four kids who are doing well. 

 

I don't post a lot, but read almost daily.  Thank you to those who are committed to keeping this community going. 

[Guest MelissasGypsy]

I'm Rob, known by some as MG on YWBB.  I was widowed on November 5, 2013 when my wife died of complications due to a lifelong battle with a rare blood disorder.  While we battled many health issues and had a second home in the hospital over our 18.5 year marriage, her health was always regarded as something to manage rather than a detriment that would rob her of life, and me of my love.  All was "well" until the last two months of her life when the slide started, and the dominoes fell.  Pulmonary Hypertension, Right Side Heart Failure, Renal Failure and finally Liver Failure caused her to breath her last as I held her hand and told her it was okay to go.

 

Well over a year out and I can say the daily missing her and longing for her has mostly subsided, but the space she carved in my heart and the scars her departure left will always be there.  Some days, things bump against my bruised heart and it hurts like crazy, but I'm reminded as each day passes, that tomorrow is an opportunity to live and love on with joy.

 

I've learned many things about myself and about life.  But the most valuable is that love is a precious thing and worth more than all the other trappings of life combined.  And while Melissa's space will never be occupied by another, my heart is very big and there is plenty of room where another has carved her own space.  Despite my loss, I am a blessed man indeed.

[Pammy]

Hi everyone. Some faces I recognize, some not, but I am also an old-timer who rarely posts. Still, I find that I read often. I am 10+ years into this journey and 8 years remarried to another member of YWBB.

 

Although I hate to see YWBB go away - it feels somewhat like a death - I know that life is always changing and maybe this was a good time for change for us. It looks like the new admin have things well in hand and for that I am grateful.

 

I doubt a day goes by that I don't think of Jeff, my late husband, at least once. The difference now is that I think of him with a calm and happy mind. He seems like a dream I once had. For those who are newer to widowhood who might be wondering,  I still remember his voice and his mannerisms. Those memories are alive and well. I can think of them now without feeling like someone punched me in the gut.

 

Also, you can find love again and it can be just as wonderful. Mike (new hubby) is nothing like Jeff, but thats ok. I didn't settle, I held out for love.

 

Do things in your own time, this is not a race or a competition to see who can "make it" first or best. What it is is a very personal, intimate journey that most other people in your life have no idea of. Typically they say things out of ignorance and not malice.

 

This will probably be my only post, but I do read. I wish us all blessings and a soft and safe journey.

 

Pammy

[Portside]

I'm Mike. My late wife died by means of a self-inflicted GSW to the chest almost 8 years ago. She suffered from crippling mental illness for 18 years and it eventually overcame her ability to fight it.

 

I raised my four sons then by myself and they have all moved on now to the adult stage of their lives. Two in the working world, one in college and my youngest in the Navy. Through the grace of God they've all turned out to be happy and compassionate young men.

 

Best wishes to all, Mike

 

 

 

 

[Guest look2thesky]

Hi everyone. I'm Bruce. Short introduction as I am just beginning to navigate this new site. Just want to thank Jess and Justin and whoever else, for making this all possible. Words can't even express. Also to Mac and Baylee for forwarding a pm. I've been widowed 5 years plus. And my avatar is currently the newest addition to my new "family". A rescue.. Leo. Anyways he's filling a void for the loss of another recent loss of a 16 year old, doggie, who I lost a few months back. Anyway thank you all for letting me be a part of this new group. The older one reallly helped me through some of the darkest times. And I am thankful for you all !!!

[Guest look2thesky]

I lost my beautiful Wife, Daisy, to aggressive breast cancer, loved Her more than life itself, and have begun to learn to live, all over again. Grateful for having had known Her, for most of my adult life. I have two beautiful Daughters, one whom is now expecting a first child. Thanks for the new forum, again !!!

[Izzy]

Hi Everyone,

8 days ago I turned 4 years of this new life. I'm so great full for this new website, for the people who put it together, for the new people I look forward on meeting and for the others I met on YWBB. I don't post much but this was the first post on YWBB a few years ago...

 

"I want to thank everyone for sharing their lifes and helping me keep my sanity. I am 34yrs old and I lost my wife on the emergency room on March 1st 2011. It was sudden and unexpected. No one knows what hapened and I am waiting for the autopsy report which I was told could take up to 6 months. I need to know for my own peace of mind.

She was my world, now I'm helpless, broken, empty and extremely lonely. The calls and messages have slowed down and everyone is moving on but me. My brain understands that everyone has their own life and family to worry about but not my heart. I have never suffered a loss this close to me before. No one understand what I'm going thru except for the others here. Thank you for welcoming people like me that for now don't know were to fit in."

 

We are all in the right place and Thanks for this new forum, Sincerely Izzy

[Mancino]

Howdy all. Thanks to those who put this new forum together so quickly.  It's good to see so many familiar names here, including several from my "class" of the fall of 2009.  I'm 5.5 years out in this journey and had just been skimming the board now and then.  I had been telling myself it's probably time to pull away from it, but when I saw that the old one had been abruptly shut down, I felt like I'd lost a friend.  This place saved my sanity back in the early days!

 

I kept the same name from the old board...long story short, it's a nickname my husband used for a club he belonged to.  We married later in life (me in my 40s, he in his 50s) and were married such a short time...just two years (although we were together for 7). Only 3 months after getting married, we got word that the kidney cancer he had thought he'd beaten two decades ago had returned.  What we thought was a sore back due to arthritis, ended up being stage 4 renal cell cancer that had metastasized to his spine.  He managed to last more than a year longer than the doctor first predicted, probably due to his pigheaded stubbornness, lol. 

 

I'll probably be more of a reader than a poster (always was), but it's nice to know that this place is still here if needed.

 

[petesgirl77]

Hello all, my name is Valerie.  I?m six and half years out.  Wow, that sounds like a long time.  I also read a lot, but don?t post as much anymore.  Pete and I were engaged not married, but lived together for years.

 

I met him when I was 15 and developed a wicked crush immediately. If you?re familiar with the 80?s movie ?Sixteen Candles?, he was my Jake Ryan.  Just sitting next to him could set my little high school heart all a-flutter.  But he was cute and charming; all the girls followed him everywhere and I was too proud/shy to compete, so we stayed friends, but lost touch.

Fast forward almost a decade, and his best friend was getting married.  I knew he would come back to our little town for the event and I went to the local bar the night before, betting he would be there.  He was there and the sight of him took my breath away, all a-flutter again.  We started talking, I was no longer shy ☺, and we fell in love.  We moved to the beach and were planning on getting married.

In Aug. 2008, he was shot by a man who lived in the neighboring apartment complex during an argument.  The shooter fled and has never been caught.  Pete died with me kneeling next to him, begging him to stay with me.  These years have been incredibly difficult, but I have rebuilt my new life.  I never thought that would be possible.  I was so thankful to find YWBB when I did, and credit it with helping to save my sanity.  Thank you again to the administrators of this new home. Sending hugs to all.

 

 

[Birdbucket]

You might not recognize my name but I have been around since 2008. I didn't post a whole lot the last few years but checked in every now and again.

 

LH died 7 years ago in feb 2008 at age 37 from RCC. I had a baby and a three year old. Came here (or ywbb) about june or july 'o8 and read and read and read. A few months later I joined and it was a lifeline.

 

Coincidentally the day before the old board came down I posted a question about EMDR for my son. I don't think I'd posted for a couple of years. Still to this day if I'm faced with a grief situation of any kind, I go to the wids. I know the advice will be honest. So I'm glad this is here. you might not hear from me too often but I'll be around.

 

Thank you again to all the good souls who set this up!

Cheers, Jenn

[SusieQ]

My name is Susan. I lost my love in 2007 to a septic infection, same year I became a member of YWBB. My former name was shescomeundone. Althought I'm no longer "undone" I still remain broken. I no longer post but read daily. I was devastated when YWBB closed so unexpectedly. Thank you to all who made this possbile.  Nice to be "home" again.

[Wheelerswife]

I'm not sure even where to start.  My name is Maureen.  My first husband Barry and I were together almost 19 years, married over 17.  He died 5 1/2 years ago of respiratory failure due to a lifelong genetic neuromuscular disease called Spinal Muscular Atrophy.  At age 2 1/2, his parents were told he would die by the age of 5.  He proved those doctors wrong and lived to be 53.  He never walked a day in his life.  I knew his prognosis for dying young when I met him, but I fell in love and took the risk of losing him.  He had every advantage in life that someone with his disease could have and we lived every day like there may not be a tomorrow.  He almost died in May of 2008 when he crashed on me at home due to rapidly developing bronchitis.  He developed a severe stress cardiomyopathy and the doctors didn't think he would survive, but I fought for him and against the odds, after 6 weeks in ICU, he pulled through, although he lost a lot of function and required a non-invasive ventilator at night and 24/7 care for the last 16 months of his life.  He got sick again a year later but pulled through that with a couple of weeks in the ICU without needing to be intubated.  He came down with a cold three months later, went quickly critical and decided against aggressive care and intubation.  He had had enough suffering.  He died peacefully, surrounded by the people who cared about him the most.  I had been an extreme caregiver for the 18 years we lived together in our home, but much more so in his last 16 months. 

 

I found YWBB about a month after Barry died and went to my first bago at 6 weeks out.  I still keep in regular contact with my first bago community in Connecticut, where we lived.  I became a chat room regular and started meeting widows from outside of Connecticut.  Six months into widowhood,  a widower who called himself polarbear (he was an Arctic climatologist) showed up in the chat room one night.  We had a good conversation that night and we exchanged Facebook information, too.  His first impression of me was that I looked like a nun or a lesbian.  My first impression of him?  He was WAY too hippie for me!  He came back again the following nights.  On his third night, we were the last two people left in the chat room and, wanting to tell me a long story, he asked if he could call me.  It was midnight.  I gave him my number and he called and we talked until 6 AM, a lovely but completely platonic conversation.  Long chats and phone calls continued over the successive days, when suddenly, our platonic tone changed and we both acknowledged that to each other.  A few days later, we decided it was best to meet and decide if we had compatibility.  We were investing so much time in communicating that we both felt like we needed to know if there was chemistry.  He flew from Kansas to Connecticut three weeks after our first all-night phone conversation.  The chemistry was instant.  We were already in love by this point, really.  He arrived just in time for my birthday in April.  John went back to Kansas and finished out the semester (he was a geography professor) and then came out to CT and spent 2 1/2 weeks with me.  During that time, we decided we wanted to be together.  I made plans to quit my job, sell my house and move to Kansas.  One day, in spontaneous conversation, I asked him to marry me.  I needed to know his true intentions.  He said, "Yes!"  He spent the next 6 weeks doing research at NASA Goddard Spaceflight Center in Greenbelt, MD and we spent weekends together, either in CT or in the DC area.  I started preparing my house to put it on the market.  We also went skydiving together one weekend, and he met my (stunned) family when my older sister retired from the Navy.  At the end of July, he finished his research, I had worked my last day, my house went on the market and we left CT and drove to Kansas, a place I'd never even seen.  5 days into that trip, my house sold.  I returned home for six weeks, gave away about 2/3 of what I owned, packed up the rest, closed on my house, observed the first anniversary of my husband's death, and drove to Kansas.  John and I were married 6 months later, a year after our first conversation, in March of 2011.  We were incredibly happy.  I decided not to go back to work as a physical therapist and I eventually went back to college.  We traveled as much as we could and saw parts of Italy, Ireland, Australia, Peru, China, Canada and many US states, including Alaska and Hawaii.  We had never been happier. 

 

In early January, 2014, I flew back to CT to bago with my best bago buddies.  That day, John didn't respond to my text messages and phone calls.  I was worried during the bago, but I didn't want to alarm some newbies that were there.  My old friends knew I was concerned.  At the end of the bago, I sat in my car in the parking lot and called the local police back in Kansas and asked them to check on John.  They didn't call back right away, and I knew my worst fears would come true.  The police chief eventually called me and I knew John was dead and even said it for him.  John had died in his sleep just a couple of hours after our last Facetime conversation the night before.  It didn't take long before word got out to my good friends from YWBB.  I was surrounded in love by dear friends that night and the next day, when a huge crew came back to be with me, even after having driven a few hours the day before to come to the bago.  Even some people I'd never met came to be with me.  I can't tell you enough how much YWBB and this group of people has meant to me.  I know I've met quite a few of you from bagos (like the awesome bago in DFW) and those I've met in my travels across the US since John died.  Some of you had the pleasure of meeting John, too, although he was much more introverted than me and you may not have gotten to know just how truly amazing a man that he was.  Thank you, though, to everyone who has been there for me, including during the time after he died when I had medical problems, major surgery and my cancer diagnosis.  Some of you guys even flew or drove to Kansas to be with me before my first oncology visit, and many of you contributed to my book of support.  What else can I say?

[fctyler]

I have been on YWBB for almost 4 years and it was my saving grace, especially in the dark, early years.  Thank you, Rob, for leading me to widda.org, and thank you Jess for putting together a great new site.  I didn't post very often on YWBB, but I read so much and gained comfort from knowing that other people were feeling the same way I was feeling or had experienced some of the same things I did.

 

My husband Sean passed away in 2011 from a brain tumor.  He fought so incredibly hard for two years.  He was the epitome of bravery and grace, but sadly he didn't make it.  Brain tumor's are a bitch, but I'm extremely thankful that the tumor did not change his personality or render him disabled until about 2 weeks before he passed away.

 

My kids saved me when Sean died; they were my rock and still are.  It surprised me greatly how much they came to my support and I to theirs.  They are now young adults and teenagers, but I can honestly say, we don't fight much; after what we went through, there just isn't much to get really riled up about.

 

I'm so thankful for the 27 years Sean and I were together. (23 married)  He was truly a great friend as well as an awesome husband.  His love really made me feel a void and his memory and what he gave me through out our time together, was instrumental in making me get out there again and become social.  I met another wonderful man and feel twiced blessed.  We are getting married in June.

 

Life is so messy and I've learned that I can't control life; I can only control my reaction to it.  Big life lesson.....

[annieb]

Hello - my name is Ann.

I had the same name at YWBB. My husband passed in 2006 from a massive heart attack on Mother's Day. I found YWBB soon after and though I didn't post much, I have read every day since. Like so many, I too was devastated to see that YWBB was shutting down. In my early years especially, the board was such a refuge for me and it was very disturbing to me that the newly widowed weren't going to find the same compassion and support from those that truly understood. For almost 9 years it has been a tremendous source of strength and I have a felt a connection to many here.

I want to applaud the dedication and perseverance this new team took to set up and launch a new board....not only once but twice. It looks like you hardly missed a beat. Like a previous poster had said - it's good to be home!

Thank you!

[PhotoJunkie]

Im Lynn aka PJ.  I joined in July/August of 2012 after most of my family had been in a car accident that killed my husband.  My husband, myself and our daughter, (age 13 at the time) were headed out to join friends camping.  It was something we did at minimum of monthly, if not more.  I had fallen asleep because I had worked the night before and I was used to his driving.  I woke up 2 minutes before we jackknifed and our truck flipped.  Everything after that gets fuzzy in most places, with a few moments of startling clarity.  The end result was that my daughter had a very mild sprained ankle, I had cuts and bruises and glass imbedded in my hand.  My husband however died of blunt force trauma and asphyxiation.  He was 36 years old.  We had been married just shy of 18 years.  Our son, who at the time was 18, was not with us.  Had he been with us like he had been for the previous trips, one of my children would have died as well. 

 

My husband was a local Police Officer.  This meant a lot of protocol and I had to notify family way before my brain had caught up to the whole thing.  I met the police chief in a hospital gown and with a large to go cup of Mt. Dew.  I had to call his mother and his sisters on the phone and tell them he was gone.  I had to tell our two children that he was gone.  I called my mother and sister to tell them.  All within minutes of the doctor coming to my trauma bed to tell me that he was gone, although I beat him to it because he couldn't quite get the words out.

 

That was 2.5 years ago ish.  My daughter is now 16 and living with my sister (hoping to move there soon)  My son is 21 and very angry at the world, me in particular.  He wouldn't be the first in our family to wish it had been me instead of hubby.  We are still no where near on a road to any kind of recovery at this point.  Im beginning to wonder if that is just another pipe dream fed to us so that we keep moving and don't give in. 

 

Im glad the boards are still around.  I read a lot of late and post very little but they are the first place I go to.  I have made very very very good friends here and I think without this board and the chat I would not have made it this far. 

 

Lynn

[Momtojandj]

I found the original board in December 2012, my husband had been killed in October 2012. I was lost and scared . Although maybe I don't post as much, the boards have been my saving grace. When I found out it was closing, panic set in , I feel I know so many of you and have been lucky enough to meet a few wids in real life.

 

I came home from working late at a seasonal job. The last I talked to him was at 9pm, he told me he was down the street at a party and the kids were at a sleepover.  It was now 2 am, and police were standing in my driveway . My brain went from.. Is he in jail? Arrested? Where's the kids ? They wouldn't say anything till I walked in the house and sat down. It was then it hit me, before they said it.. I knew. He was about 30 minutes from home, passerby found his motorcycle down, then found him thrown from bike. To this day , no one is sure why or what happened to make him go off the road. 

[Mac]

My name is Mac. It has been nearly 33 months since Cindy passed quite unexpectedly. We were married for 27-1/2 years and we were friends for 37 years. I have a daughter and a son, we are doing well as a family.

 

My wife was an amazing woman. She was beautiful, extremely intelligent and so very kind. Prior to our marriage she had traveled the world. This included living in C?te d'Ivoire for two years and Japan for two years. She spoke many different languages. We traveled the world far and wide together, always so compatible. No plans necessary.

 

She had a wicked sense of humor. The first thing that comes to mind for so many people that knew her is her laugh.

 

Without my asking, she was devoted to my parents in their final years. She kept them safe and happy. She included them in her daily life.

 

We welcomed people from around the world into our home. She was a dedicated mother and because of this our daughter and son have turned out to be kind and loving.

 

If you were to meet her, she would make you feel like you had known each other for years.

 

Life is being kind to me these days. I am grateful for the past. I am embracing and enjoying the present (most of the time). I trust that the future will be as amazing as the past. Different, but amazing.

 

[RemysWife]

His name was Mark, and I miss him every day.

 

We met three weeks before he deployed to Iraq. Our first kiss was in the snow, and when I went back to work (it was Presidents' Day weekend, and we had three dates in two days) I told my friend, "I really like this guy." We emailed while he was in Iraq and picked up where we left off when he got home. We were together for 5 years when we found out he had cancer. Five years after that first date, on another winter day, I stood on a snow covered boardwalk in Atlantic City and kissed him for our wedding photos.

 

He was a Marine. He ate right and exercised daily. He played on an adult hockey league. He was HEALTHY. Even now it is hard to wrap my head around everything that happened. He fought cancer with everything he had. For awhile, we even thought he beat it. But then the cancer came back and it was even more aggressive. Pancreatic Cancer has an incredibly low survival rate. Almost two years to the day from when we got his diagnosis, he lost his battle. And I lost everything.

 

We didn't have a storybook romance, and it has been hard to come to terms with that. In a lot of ways we were oil and water. In a lot of other ways we completed each other. Before he died, I told him, "I think we made each other better people." We really did. I guess the rest of it doesn't really matter, because I loved him and he loved me.

 

I found YWBB right away. I googled "young widow support group" and found the site. I think I was looking for a step by step guide on how to get through this, but quickly learned that it didn't work that way. I met some of the nicest people who have become close friends. Others I only know virtually, but as I see their lives moving in a positive direction, I am rooting for them. And I know that they're rooting for me too.

 

It's been over three years since I lost him, and even now I occasionally find myself here. There are somethings that only other widows understand.