MrsDan Posted April 23, 2017 Share Posted April 23, 2017 My BIL posted on Facebook that his wife wants to have a third kid and he needs arguments against it and the first thing I thought was, well if you die she's screwed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monique Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 Tonight I turned on live TV for the first time in months, saw a commercial for engagement rings, and started crying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bunny Posted May 22, 2017 Share Posted May 22, 2017 I'm drunk before 2pm...been a while since that's happened. But hey- ''tis the season and all that...life will go back to 'normal' middle of next month, I suppose. Right now I am smack in the middle of Crazy Town. I am surrounded by people who love me, and I tell them I love them too, but I'm not sure I believe it so much anymore because my meaning of love is just...kinda weird now...or something. It's impossible for me to put it into words. I wish I could. my world is much smaller now and I'm so okay with it that I'm starting to think there's something wrong with me that I can be like this so easily. Yeah, people have cut me from their lives, but I'm at expert levels at cutting people out or not letting them in past a certain point. I've never felt colder as a human being- wtf, bunny?! My anxiety is at such a fever pitch but I keep trying to pretend I'm okay. Unfortunately I'm a terrible liar and it keeps leaking out. Is it widowhood? Menopause? Both? Fuck if I know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted May 22, 2017 Share Posted May 22, 2017 {{{hugs}}} Bunny. I have moments where I make a mixed drink early in the day. I think we all have spells of ... whatever it is ... needing to separate some part of ourselves from the rest ... needing not to feel so much ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest oneoftwo Posted May 27, 2017 Share Posted May 27, 2017 I am beginning to realize that there is a possibility that I may never have sex again. We ask for honesty on this board, that's about as blunt as I can get. It makes me crazy to think that every pair I see are getting some Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tybec Posted May 27, 2017 Share Posted May 27, 2017 oneoftwo, I get your post. I felt that way. I don't know why. I felt so BROKEN when my DH died. I felt unworthy, lost, had poor self image, and it makes no sense. But I did. So, I felt my sex life was over at a young age of 42. My prime years, and I am alone. I started to date, taking 4 years to do so, mind you. The best thing that did for me was to let me know I was still desirable. Crazy! MY DH loved me, wanted me, desired me, but when he died, I felt NO ONE would ever want me again. This widow stuff just tweaks your brain, makes you question everything you know. I get it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted May 28, 2017 Share Posted May 28, 2017 Dare I say that we see ourselves as undesirable more so than others seeing us so. As tybec so eloquently put it, time changes things ... oneoftwo -- I was widowed the first time at 30. He was abusive and was convinced no one would want me. Because he said that to me a lot. I met a wonderful man after a time and we had 16 great years together, after which I was widowed a second time. I soon realized I did not want to be alone and began to date. Time ... take as much as you need. Travel in this space as there are great people who understand. {{{hugs}}} Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jgib Posted May 29, 2017 Share Posted May 29, 2017 I cannot tell how much I appreciate you all. I see words typed here that express how I feel but would never say out loud. I miss sex a lot but the thought of it with someone else doesn't sit well with me. I went from never going without to cold turkey...... It takes so long to get to know someone well enough that you just accept them for who they are and are comfortable just being yourself around them....I miss that too....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest oneoftwo Posted May 29, 2017 Share Posted May 29, 2017 thank you guys, trust me, there has been a lot of time gone by. just a realization that I needed to vocalize Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Reader Posted June 4, 2017 Share Posted June 4, 2017 I came out of my widow's cave after almost a year, used some internet, met a guy over a coffee. We had nice conversation and he was pleasant to look at. I don't know what to think. Part of me wants to invite him over and rip his clothes off, the other part is listing all the things that were 'wrong' with him. But does it really matter that he maybe isn't exactly mr Right? What to do? I just want, you know, sex. And some light conversation to go with that. He will unlikely initiate, widowhood makes me look vulnerable in his eyes, I guess. He was that kinda thoughtful warmhearted guy. Should I just go for it or wait a bit more until I am sure? What if I am never sure? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julester3 Posted June 5, 2017 Share Posted June 5, 2017 You'd be surprised how quickly a guy could comply if you just want sex - it's just a matter if this is the type of guy to try it with. What do you have to lose? I tell myself I wouldn't be in this predicament if I wasn't a widow and that I'm an adult that will not regret what choices I make. I chalk it up to learning my way through this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Portside Posted June 5, 2017 Share Posted June 5, 2017 What do you have to lose? Oh, you know - your health and your self-respect. Just to name two. That kind of thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mizpah Posted June 5, 2017 Share Posted June 5, 2017 your self-respect. Oh my gosh. The puritanical moralizing! Humans are sexual creatures. There is nothing wrong with consenting adults enjoying themselves, enjoying having a body, enjoying each other, etc. How does a woman (any person!) lose her self-respect by enjoying (within reason/safety/sanity of course) the body and life we are given? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momof2obs Posted June 5, 2017 Share Posted June 5, 2017 your self-respect. Oh my gosh. The puritanical moralizing! Humans are sexual creatures. There is nothing wrong with consenting adults enjoying themselves, enjoying having a body, enjoying each other, etc. How does a woman (any person!) lose her self-respect by enjoying (within reason/safety/sanity of course) the body and life we are given? I agree!! At least for me, there has been something very empowering about reclaiming my sexuality after my husband's death. Due to my husband's illness, it was a very long time since I had sex and, frankly, I missed it terribly. By no means am I looking for a replacement for my husband, but lets face it, he's not coming back and I have my needs and wants that I wish to satisfy. I am making the choice whether or not to have sex with someone and, so far, there has been no regrets. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted June 5, 2017 Share Posted June 5, 2017 Thank you, Momof2. My first LH was abusive and so sex was not a thing I enjoyed. Ever. My second LH was very patient with me and taught me what was good about intimacy. He too had a lengthy illness but prostate cancer took his ability to have sex about nine years before he died. I was faithful and I suppose sex wasn't a thing because I was too concerned about his staying healthy. He's gone now and while I didn't jump out there, I was thrilled to have the opportunity to have sex with someone I grew to care about. I agree with you, Momof2 -- I have never felt so empowered as when I felt I'd reclaimed myself in this way. I have shared on a few other places about having decided to do some research on dating before I got too deep; I am in higher education so I research everything else, so it made sense to do it for my personal life. Ultimately, I came across several articles regarding this notion of the 'right time' to have sex with someone. Bottom line -- the right time is whenever it is, so long as it is not forced, coerced, or otherwise wrong. If you decide you want to sleep with someone on a first date, that's up to you and your potential partner. If you want to wait until you know there is deeper connection, that's up to you and your potential partner. If you decide to wait until marriage, that's up to you and your potential partner. See how that works? It's what the two of you make it. If you want sex, don't use someone for it. Mutual makes it better, no matter the 'when'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest TooSoon Posted June 5, 2017 Share Posted June 5, 2017 Oh, you know - your health and your self-respect. Just to name two. That kind of thing. And let you be the first to judge. My goodness, if this journey has taught me one thing it is to be the last to judge. Portside, it's 2017. If an empowered woman wants to talk about reclaiming her sexuality after her husbands death, then this is the place to do it. And I'll remind you again, as your judgey posts have made me do on the past, that I slept with Andy the day I met him. It was great! And no, he didn't think I was a slut (isn't "your reputation" just an archaic euphemism for slut? And what about the man's reputation?!?!? It's not like any one of us is a virgin for crying out loud. Give me a break with the patriarchy already). And now, three plus years later, he's my husband sitting right here next to me just like he was the last time you shamed women like this. I am sure the OP knows herself better than you know her and what's right for her and by the way, stop acting like you speak for all men, and quit telling women you know better than they do what's right for them. Such a f-ing double standard. Oh and "your health" ? that's what condoms are for. They used them in Ancient Greece and lots of us use them now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen Posted June 5, 2017 Share Posted June 5, 2017 Portside, it's 2017. If an empowered woman wants to talk about reclaiming her sexuality after her husbands death, then this is the place to do it. THANK YOU. *slow clap* Speaking as someone who has basically no hope of ever having sex again-- casual, meaningful, or otherwise-- I wish I had this "problem." I assure you, if anyone made me an offer, I'd jump on it. Him. And to hell with what anyone who dared judge me! Humans are social, sexual creatures. We wids have been deprived of a fundamental human need. I personally rejoice for those who are able to reclaim it. (I'm also bitterly envious, but that's my problem and no one else's.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted June 5, 2017 Share Posted June 5, 2017 And now, three plus years later, he's my husband sitting right here next to me If I could wrap hearts around this quote, TooSoon, I would. I needed to read that today ... Thank you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julester3 Posted June 6, 2017 Share Posted June 6, 2017 You only lose your self respect if you feel bad about your choices and make yourself feel guilty. If you discuss parameters and protection before the deed, health is not an issue. If you learn something about yourself and what you want in the long haul, I say it's a learning moment and worth it. Did I have senseless sex? Yes because my husband made me a sensual being and I was literally starving for sexual interaction. My human nature took over and I was flattered. What did I learn? Sex without love is just not fullfilling. It was so temporary. Will I do it again. Probably not unless circumstances are right. Do I feel I lost my self respect? No, because I learned something about myself that I never would have figured out just theorizing by myself at home. I had to discover myself and I never dated as an adult. I married by high school sweetheart. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marian53 Posted June 6, 2017 Share Posted June 6, 2017 Mike, Mike, Mike… when will you ever…never. You will never change and I respect you for that. But really, sweet Jesus. Did you not have sex just once after your wife died? Not just once? Did you lose your self- respect and respect for the woman? My dearest Peter Pan and I were exclusive for 33 years plus. no other partners. I slept with Mike on our first encounter. I guess I was loose, like Goldie Hawn just said about her and Kurt Russell- oh yeah, those two that aren't married yet after 33 years or more! Well, I guess now is good as ever to announce that Mike and I got married on April 3 and I am deliriously happy and ya just gotta stop with this shit, Mike! Marian oh yes I do not mean to rain on Toosoon and ADP's parade but their getting married was a nudge to me to tie the knot, really! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrokenHeart2 Posted June 6, 2017 Share Posted June 6, 2017 Congratulations Marion!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest oneoftwo Posted June 6, 2017 Share Posted June 6, 2017 Marian, congratulations. But I think you're out of line asking, almost demanding, if Mike had sex after his wife died. Pretty rude in any circumstance Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mizpah Posted June 6, 2017 Share Posted June 6, 2017 Mike and I got married Congrats!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mizpah Posted June 6, 2017 Share Posted June 6, 2017 But I think you're out of line asking, almost demanding, if Mike had sex after his wife died. Pretty rude in any circumstance I don't think she was seeking an answer. I think she was making a rhetorical point. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
serpico Posted June 6, 2017 Share Posted June 6, 2017 It is always interesting to me how an innocuous post can create such a stir. Let's examine the 'puritanical' and 'judgey' [sic] post: Oh, you know - your health and your self-respect. Just to name two. That kind of thing The question to me is whether the author has a point, not whether that point is politically correct for the crowd here. I did a quick Google search and the first article I found was this one: www.psychologytoday.com/blog/love-and-sex-in-the-digital-age/201506/what-are-the-psychological-effects-casual-sex%3Famp Based on that article it seems to me that casual sex can sometimes lead to a decrease in one's psychological wellbeing. Not for all, certainly, but for many. I don't believe pointing that out in a forum such as this is a bad thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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