introduce yourself here

[merrylea]

Hi everyone-

 

I was part of the other group under the same name, and several people were gracious enough to e-mail me after that site was shut down to let me know about the new an improved board!

 

I lost my husband in March 2014 to a car accident.  I was sick that day, he had left work a little bit early, and he was rear ended on the way home while making a turn.  We were only married for a year and a half, so really, just newlyweds.  While neither of us were perfect, I can honestly say that we had a good marriage and we were both pretty damn happy. 

 

It was so incredibly helpful for me to have this resource, especially in the early "zombie" days.  When it all went down, I thought I was the only person like me in the world.  Unfortunately, I wasn't.  I'm so very grateful for the people I've met through ywbb, those people have truly been a bright spot in the shit storm.  I look forward to the support of this board in the quest to rebuild going forward, as many decisions will need to be made sooner rather than later. 

 

Take care all!

[Neverthesame]

I was Bill4 on YWBB. I changed my screen name to Neverthesame because that?s the one constant that I?ve found through all of this?..nothing ever stays the same. My wife fought stage IV breast cancer for 4 ? years before I lost her in October of 2006. Our kids were 11, 13, and 16 when she died. Now, my kids are grown (or think they are anyway) and I?m remarried to a wonderful woman who also happens to be a widow. YWBB is gone now?..so many changes over the last 13 years. Obviously some of those changes were not so good for me, but some changes have been better than I could have hoped for.

 

I?m not really sure why I decided to register on this forum after YWBB shut down. I never really posted much before and I probably won?t here. I guess it?s because widowhood will always be a part of my life and this type of forum got me through the tough times. As optimistic as I am about my future it will always be tempered by the pain that I felt when I was widowed. I suppose some small part of me still feels a part of this group and I?d like to thank those here who decided to start this forum and pick up where YWBB left off.

 

Bill

 

[Max2507]

Hello everyone again! Thanks to those who got another forum together so quickly. It really was a shock the way it went down with ywbb. Thanks for the shout out HvnBound! If I could I would so come help you with your house. Its hard going it alone.

 

This is what I wrote 5 days after my husband died:

Hello everyone. My husband died this past Saturday after what seemed like not such a bad accident in our motorhome. He seemed fine afterward but a few hours later died in surgery , had internal injury. He was the love of my life and I am just devastated. Thanks for all the posts especially in the advice I used some of it right away dealing with pushy business people and it helped a lot. I am fortunate to have a lot of support here but like many have posted its hard for people to really understand what you are going through. I am on a roller coaster ride between whole body sobbing and complete disbelief.

 

Now I am about a month and a half from 2 years. So much has changed so much has stayed the same. The whole body sobbing has given way to occasional silent flowing tears and complete disbelief to yes this shit is real. I feel I am healing but have a long way to go. I have hope but at the same time don't know if I have the capacity to love like that again. He was such surprise of unconditional love, he was my person and I was his. He seems so far away now. I was an independent person when we got together and not until his death did I see how much I identified with being his wife, how every other thread in the fabric of my being was intertwined with him. Eventually I started feeling no longer his wife but his widow. Just recently I have started feeling like I am a solitary person.  I had a few dreams of him over the months and waking up just devastated to realize he was in fact still dead. A dream I had last memorial day weekend wrecked me for 3 weeks. Recently I dreamed quite a steamy dream of him and I woke up thinking yes that was nice. No moment of forgetting he was gone, its like physically/subconsciously I knew he was dead so I didn't wake up crushed that it wasn't real.

 

I just keep moving forward and doing the best I can.

[linda5]

My husband and I were high school sweethearts.  He was a Senior and I was a Sophomore.  We had Drama Class together.  He took one look at me and told his buddy that he was going to marry me some day.  We  immediately knew we belong together.  I truly think we were soulmates.  We started dating when I was 16 and never broke up. 

 

My husband, Will, died suddenly on Palm Sunday of a pulmonary embolism.  He was fine one minute, gone the next.  Two of our three daughters were home with us.  Our youngest was a Junior at Mizzou and home for Spring Break.  She and her sister were putting a 1,000 piece puzzle together in our family room while I had my feet in his lap and he was reclined on the sofa.  We were watching Breaking Bad on DVD (I can never watch that series again), when he made a funny noise.  We all jumped up and I tried to do CPR on him, but forgot to hold his nose and the air came back out.  My youngest was a Nursing Student and pushed me out of the way and said, "Mom, let me handle this!"  I was so very proud of her.  She, at 20, was barking out orders for me and her sister.  My other daughter got 911 on the phone and they told us to do CPR on the floor.  It took all 3 of us to pull him by his feet and watch his head and arms drop to the floor.  When paramedics arrived, they got all the information from my youngest.  My middle daughter tried to run and hug me then, but I pushed her away and told her that Dad  is on the ceiling, watching this!  We need to talk to him now and tell him how much we need him and not to leave us.  I told her we can't cry now.  We've got to help fight for his life.  We need to tell God now how much we need him.  To tell Will not to leave us. 

 

I honestly couldn't have prayed any harder, better, more sincere.  I kept my tears bottled up because I was fighting a spiritual fight for him.  I felt as if I was Mother Theresa, I couldn't have prayed any better.  I was honestly shocked that I lost the fight!  I truly thought God would hear our screams of despair and let him live. 

 

My oldest daughter and her husband arrived while the paramedics were here and they revived my husband 3 times while in the ambulance.  At my husband's celebration luncheon, my mother fainted and the paramedics were called (my mom was fine).  As it turns out it was the same ones that came to my house.  They told me that they were just talking about my me and my girls and were discussing how they were going to contact me.  They wanted me to know that they revived him in the ambulance and that he did fight for me.  They also asked me if I noticed their tears when they were leaving my house.  They told me they each have had over 15 years experience and dealing with us was the first time they cried at an event.  They said they have never witnessed such a great love and that me and my daughter encouraging, begging, pleading with Will and God to give him back really touched them.  They said he did fight for me, for us, he just lost.

[twistedmensa]

As I am approaching the one year mark, perhaps it is time I stop lurking and finally make my first post.  This time last year (almost to the day) I took my husband to the ER because he couldn't breathe.  He had been on antibiotics for about 3 weeks for what the doc thought was bronchitis...but I knew in my heart that his lymphoma had returned (he had been in remission for nearly 4 years).  It was maddening that our doc didn't send him to the oncologist immediately...looking back, I know I should have pushed for more action.  I will have to live with that regret.

 

At the hospital, they found that the cancer was widespread but I was hopeful because he had responded so well to chemo the first time around.  He was scheduled to start chemo the following week. But it wasn't lymphoma.  They weren't sure what kind of cancer it was, but that it probably started in the lungs.  Then the bombshell....life expectancy anywhere from 3 months to a year.  That was March 22. My best friend and partner in life passed away on April 23.  Just a week after we had the talk with our kids about what 'might' happen, my worst fears were realized. 

 

Life since then has been a blur.  So many changes, and so much to deal with.  We are still trying to pick up the pieces.  I try to be strong for my kids, but I think they are dealing with this better than I.  Perhaps I should follow their example.

 

I would just like to say that even though this is my first post, I was lurking at YWBB since I discovered it about a month after my world imploded and it has been a great comfort to know that I am not alone.  I am so thankful that I found this wonderful group of folks.

 

 

[maddalena]

ah yes, the fatal doctor optimism.  My husband had 3 months left on earth when his doctor told him he might live to see grandkids...

[Guest tableforone]

.

[WifeofCharles]

It has been 5 1/2 years.  I was a member of ywbb from about 3 weeks in.  I see familiar names and kept my own.  I am on chapter 2.  It is a journey.

 

Remember be kind to yourself, drink lots of water, sleep when you can, eat when you can.  Do not worry about thank you notes!!  Know you will overcome.  You never forget, you just find a new normal.

 

I will love you always.

 

Dee

 

I am sad for the ywbb.  I am glad we are here.

[SJ (aka Suedaz)]

Wow-another hop to a new board!

The YWBB saved my sanity many years ago. I know it did the same for my now-hubby.

 

I was widowed in 2007. ( Suedaz on the board and in chat)

Mark was widowed in 2006. ( MPS on the board and CTD-circling the drain! in chat)

Both of our spouses had sudden heart attacks. Both were in their early 40s.

 

Mark and I  met in the chat room of the YWBB on NYE/2009/Jan 1, 2010.

In April we met in person,  in June we got engaged,  and in August of that same year we eloped to Hawaii.

Five years later we are now living in our dream city and enjoying life once again.

 

Grief and widowhood are things that CAN be dealt with-in one's one way, in one's own time.

Hugs and good vibes to all. 8) 8)

 

 

 

 

[DonnaP]

Hello,

I'm DonnaP. I also was a YWBBer. I joined in May 2010, a month after my husband, Mick, died from sudden cardiac arrest. He was literally fine and then gone, within a 15 minute time span. I still have trouble wrapping my head around it. It seemed so unlikely that a perfectly healthy 50-year-old man, with no other symptoms, could drop dead in an instant. And yet, that is exactly what happened.

 

A month later, I found the board and it was a lifeline. I read mostly at first, and then got brave enough to post. Reading the replies gave me such a sense of hope. It was like escaping from my gray, lifeless world for a while. I soon began to recognize names and attended a BAGO, where I met some wonderful people who all knew what I was going through, and had just the right words to comfort me.

 

The days, weeks and months following Mick's death were the worst of my life. If it hadn't been for my family and friends (especially those on the board), I would have stayed in that dark pit of despair, instead of climbing my way out. You all gave me hope. YWBB is also where I met MrDrew, who found me one day and reached out in friendship. Friendship turned to love and we are now married.

 

My life is quite different from what it was in the "before time," but good and happy again. My sons are both doing well, and I have a new step-daughter. Life is good.

[Grammy]

Hi and ((((Hugs)))) to All. I am Nancy Myers from Phoenix, AZ.  I lost my husband John on January 31, 2007 to heart disease.  I stumbled across the board in April 2007 on a sleepless night.  I suffered a Traumatic Brain Injury, January 5, 2013 and forgot many things like my username and password, but have been active in a few FB groups.  So, where do I begin?  My DH had a major heart attack, bypass X7, damage to 90% of his heart in July 1995 so really I should have been prepared if that is possible.  But he recovered and somehow during that time, death did not seem to be in the future.  He just lived for the day when both of our boys were finally grown and out of the house.  He was a manager at a towing company doing Police impound work when he was short of help one night and went out on a nearby freeway to pick up a vehicle from a DUI arrest.  The DPS officer left the scene to grab lunch and a drunk driver drove up the back of the flat bed tow truck, and luckily he was bending over because her car drove over his head and body in May 2003.  He was in critical condition with broken hips, legs, arms, ribs, ect. but came home to recover in August.  He continued to recover until August 2006 when he finally got back to work part time.  He was not able to drive but had been in the office most of the time anyhow for his job and very happy to get out of the house.  He worked for 8 days when it was time to move my youngest son down to the dorm at the UofA.  We spent the day together as a family and drove home having dinner out on the way.  We were sitting down just getting relaxed from the drive and talking about his goal of "Finally being alone together with No kids in the House" and planning our 20th Anniversary celebration with a long overdo honeymoon in Hawaii in February.  But he suddenly didn't feel well, and I ended up calling the neighbor who was a local paramedic.  He had his first of many heart attacks that were to become the end.  We lived over 30 miles from the nearest hospital at the time and ended up staying with his Mom in the mobile we bought her 1 mile from the new at the time heart hospital in September to be safe.  We sold our town home in December and I bought a defibulator (sp) that insurance didn't cover in January.  He was mad that I spent the money, but I wanted him to continue living.  I hope that this makes some measure of sense and that I can participate here.  It feels like home for me. 

 

Oh, I became a Grammy March 15, 2010 to a beautiful grand daughter Zoey.  She looks like a mini me but has her Grandpa's beautiful blue eyes and eye lashes that look like false ones.  (Really I am so so jealous.  Both of my boys got the baby blues and eyelashes from their Dad) Her Mother left her with my son and wanted a divorce when she was 5 months old.  I had been laid off and was starting a new job on Monday of that week but put off the start date for a month and cared for her while what was going on with my son and his then wife was to get sorted out.  Honestly I expected her Mom to take a week and come back at least for her? But she did not come back into her life until she was 3 1/2 years.  I had been in a room mate situation (no benefits) with an old friend for a couple of years and ended up moving in with my oldest son and being Grammy.  Now her Mom takes her 2 days a week around half of the time.  My younger son, just laughs and says that I am back as a Mom again.  So I am a proud now 52 year old Grammy to a beautiful 5 year old. 

[Bobssleepykitty]

Hi! I'm Bobssleepykitty (BSK). This is one of my first posts from TOB (The Old Board):

*****************************************************************************************************

Hi. I lost my husband on July 29, 2007 at 12:32 a.m. from sepsis. Actually, it was as a result of his dialysis permacath and his end stage renal disease. I was with him in the hospital for three weeks, holding his hand and telling him how much I love him. I was there when he died, but he left me when I was asleep because he couldn't say good-bye to me. He fought so hard against ESRD all his life - he was told he'd be dead in a year when he was 17, and he fought for 40 years. We were only married for a year and a half, but we were together for almost four years. In the span of four years, I've gone from being single, to being engaged, to being a bride, and now.... To being a widow. It sucks. IT SUCKS! I wake up every morning at 6am because that's when I would wake up in the hospital to talk to the doctors. I shake uncontrollably. I cry for anywhere from one hour to four or all day. I pray for death ever minute; I'm angry that God took him instead of me. I can't do this. I can't...

[NoKindaDancer]

20 months ago, my 33 year old husband of 11 years was walking on the sidewalk to work and a truck lost control and hit him and he died later that day with me at his side.  Our kids at the time were 3 and 5.  I found ywbb a few weeks after he died, and found incredible support and friendships.  I am moving forward and healing, and aim to carry his memory during this journey. 

[whiteirony]

Hi everyone,

My name is Mari and I've been a part of YWBB since January 2012. My husband, David, died 12-30-12 from a chronic lung scarring disease. We were together 10 years and married for 8.  He was 42, me 31 and our children were 5, 3 and 2. Our marriage had been stressed the last year of his life from his latest incident with drugs and alcohol. He was such an amazing man when sober yet the demons of addiction succumbed him. Thankfully enough, he did sober himself during the last 6 months of his life only to have his lungs flare up and kill him.

 

Over the course of the last 26 months, and a lot of therapy, I have recovered from my own co-dependency and found ways to find happiness again. I am currently engaged and will be wed this fall. I don't seem to comment on the board much but I do come to visit and read and find comfort and support in others' words. It helps tremendously to know that I don't walk this path alone.

 

Many blessings to each and every one of you!

[Mr C]

It has been 13 months since I lost my wife to a burst aortic aneurysm and the pain is still so deep. :'( I am just going to copy my introductory post from last April:

 

On February 22nd, I lost my high school sweetheart. We have been together for 27 years and married for 22. I miss her so much and feel so lost without her.

 

I am grateful that we started so young and that we were able to share the joy of raising two kids, 18 and 14. She was such a great mother and together we poured everything into our kids. I love our kids so much, but I was looking forward to the time when it was supposed to just be the two of us again.

 

The loss felt sudden, even though I knew the risk was there. She was fortunate to survive an aortic dissection three years ago and she had heart health issues ever since. Yet she was able to accomplish so much during this time, always with her beautiful smile and positive spirit. We didn't have any goodbyes, but at least we were able to add several special moments over these past few years.

 

I alternate between feeling so blessed to have experienced such amazing Love with this wonderful woman that was adored by all who knew her and feeling the sadness and loneliness of losing my best friend. The tears seem to flow best when I experience both emotions simultaneously.

_________________________

Mrs.C, You have been my Sweetheart, Best Friend and Love since 1987. You will be my Wife forever and ever and ever. Love Always, Mr. C

 

[Brenda]

Hi.  New here.  New to the whole losing a spouse thing too.  I lost my wife of twenty years a few months ago after a frighteningly short battle with cancer.  The poor girl never had a chance.  Struggling to pick up the pieces - life is fragile and shatters into millions of tiny shards, doesn't it?

 

Forty years old and a widow.  So glad I'm not alone, horrible as that sounds.

[Guest Questions]

Hi, I'm Cyndi,

I live in California & have been widowed nearly 6 years,

I lost my husband of 27 years to complications of a rare aggressive cancer (cholangiocarcinoma).

It took the doctors a long time to find it. They kept telling him he was in perfect health but he knew different & kept going back to them. They misdiagnosed & treated him for various other illnesses for about 2 months before finding the cancer. At 1st we were told it was fully contained & 100% curable with a galllbladder operation & they scheduled an appt for us to meet with the oncologist surgeon 1 week later. In that appt. we were told it was stage IV, unresectable & completely covering his liver. He'd be gone in 2 months but may possibly live 6 mos to a year with chemo.

So he started chemo but had a major stroke a few days later. Said he didn't want to be taken to the hospital but I called an ambulance anyway. He arrived within 15 mins. but surgeons couldn't clear the blood clot in his brain in time & half his brain died.

They couldn't wake him up after neurosurgery or prevent his blood from clotting & he lay in a coma for 5 days before I made the decision to remove him from life support.  I never got to say goodbye.

3 shorts weeks from cancer diagnosis to death but the pain of losing him lingers on..

[all4liv]

Hello, I'm all4liv from YWBB. I don't post too often but appreciate all the advice given that was especially very helpful early on.

 

Tomorrow, 3/24, will be 3 years. My wife died unexpectedly from cardiac arrhythmia caused by myocardial ischemia. She had surgery about 6 weeks before for a bowel resection (her 3rd surgery for that) and a hysterectomy. She never felt right after the surgery and was very depressed. She went on hormone replacement therapy 2 weeks before and started getting her personality back and wanted to see friends again. Our daughter was at her mom's that Saturday. After dropping our daughter off, we ran errands and got home about 9:30 pm. She went in the house and I let the dogs out and got the mail. When I came back in the house only 2 minutes later, she had collapsed on the landing between the flight of stairs and could not be resuscitated. She was 37, I was 38 and our daughter was 7.

[66etype]

Hi, I'm Tracy and I was 66etype on YWBB. My user name is my husbands favorite car... and I'm pretty sure it was a thread killer in the past. I lost Michael 6 months after a diagnosis of poorly differentiated kidney cancer. There wasn't much that could be done. He struggled, suffered and held his head high.

Next Friday 4/3/15 marks the 3rd year he has been gone. I have learned a lot about myself and others through this roller coaster ride. I know that I am a good person, some of my "friends" only liked me when I was happy and at my best... grief fucks that all up! I now only have a couple of pre death friends and many more post death friends. My first 2 years were very difficult.. sometime around 2.5 years life got easier. I flirt, have fun and enjoy life much more than I have in the last 3 years. Still not much focus on the future... not sure that will ever come back.

 

My heart breaks when I read the posts from newbies... what an awful time in life.. then the first year ended and it didn't get brighter.. it just changed but was still blue. I can only hope that things get better as I get older and live through this awful situation.

 

Big hugs to all of us... this all sucks!

 

Tracy

[MamaZ]

Undifferentiated cancer (rare);  89 days from discovered to gone, Oct 30, 2006. He was 42, I was 41. Our kids were 6 and 9 YO. Complained of chest pain in May. Without even looking at or touching the patient, the doctor "diagnosed" GERD. D had a stage 1 melanoma removed in 2004. Why no follow up, or concern?After three weeks of pain, it stopped. We never even filled the GERD prescription.

 

In July, pain resumed. This time, doc pressed on D's sternum (D yelled in pain). Ordered CT SCAN. Lemon sized mass at top of heart, inoperable and already mets to bone. We got one round of chemo in after numerous rounds of pathology to try to categorize the cells to direct treatment. The chemo made D too weak to withstand any more. He walked to the doc office that Tuesday. By Thursday he was quadriplegic, by Saturday, gone. He was still himself to the end. It was so quick that he had not lost any hair yet.

 

That Tuesday, I told the kids the cancer was going to win, eventually. On Friday, I futher explained that I meant DEATH. We were unsure if we would get Christmas or even Thanksgiving with him. I never dreamed he would not see Halloween.

 

Worst moment of my life, even worse than witnessing his final breath (was asleep on morphine due to breathing trouble), was telling my children that next day. I would clobber anyone who harmed my kids. I had to hurt them worse than they ever imagined in telling them of his death.

 

F--- cancer!

[Guest Lost35]

Welcome MamaZ,

 

I just have to tell you I hear what you are saying; telling your children would be the hardest thing for you to do.  Please know that you are also the ONLY person who could tell them in the way they needed to be told.  You were only ever honest about life and death and what more can a good Mama be?  We need to be extraordinarily kind to ourselves when judging our actions during these times, as we simply do our best, and what more can we do? 

 

One of the greatest "gifts" of this experience is the gift of forgiveness...  I'm glad you are here.  I'm glad we are all here, though the reasons we find ourselves here are not good.  I can't imagine going through this alone...

 

Take care,

 

L.

[JeanGenie]

I have learned a lot about myself and others through this roller coaster ride. I know that I am a good person, some of my "friends" only liked me when I was happy and at my best... grief fucks that all up! I now only have a couple of pre death friends and many more post death friends. My first 2 years were very difficult.. sometime around 2.5 years life got easier. I flirt, have fun and enjoy life much more than I have in the last 3 years. Still not much focus on the future... not sure that will ever come back.

 

My heart breaks when I read the posts from newbies... what an awful time in life.. then the first year ended and it didn't get brighter.. it just changed but was still blue. I can only hope that things get better as I get older and live through this awful situation.

 

Tracy, I could have written the same things about pre death and post death friends and how I'm feeling at 23 months.  I'm hoping life gets a little easier when I hit the 2.5 yr mark--although I am starting to see some "happy" moments now once in a while...mostly due to my post death friends.

Hugs to you as well!

[Locksley]

Hello everyone 

 

I was never a member of YWBB.  I signed up,  but my account was never activated. I'm glad a new site was opened. I've looked around a little, and everyone here seems very friendly. I'm not sure if I'll post often, but it's nice having a site to go where people understand some of the things I've gone through.

 

My wife Kara and I were on our way home from visiting some of her relatives. It was late, we were both tired and a little grumpy, and we still had a couple of hours before we made it home. The thing I remember most about that night, maybe what haunts me most, is that we had just gotten into an argument.  Kara didn't want to travel so late at all: Fast and slightly dangerous storms hit the area we were in at that time of year, and she never liked driving in the rain. I wouldn't listen though.  I had reasons for wanting to get home, reasons that don't matter and never really did. She was right, and me being wrong cost her her life.

 

All I really remember is waking up and seeing lightning cut the sky, hearing thunder like bombs going off. Rain fell on the cracked windshield at a steady pace. There was so much noise and pain and fear in those first seconds.  It was overwhelming. I looked to the passenger seat, and I might have called my wife's name... Then I saw her: Her head tilted towards me, with her dark hair covering part of her face. There was just enough light from the lightning and broken headlight to see that her eyes were closed. She was gone. I knew she was gone...I just knew.

 

That was 4 years ago.  I've lived a hard life, and gone through some truly nightmarish things. But that was the worst night of my life. I have never had many friends, and I lost them all after my wife's death.  I didn't have close family that cared if I lived or died. We didn't have children. We would have; she was pregnant when she died.  I was alone, and it made everything more difficult. I didn't deal with her death very well.  I isolated myself from the world, stayed in my house alone every day for years. I couldn't live life without her. It's not an exaggeration to say that she was the only person who ever cared about me at that point. She was my world. I didn't want to live without her.

 

I hated myself. I still blame myself. When you spend years with someone you love, they're more than just part of your life, more than a partner and friend. They become part of you. Kara was part of me; the best part. When I slept I would dream of her: sometimes nightmares about the accident, sometimes bittersweet dreams of happier times. They were all reminders that she was gone, and I was just a empty shell without her.

 

The guilt, sadness, nightmares and pain were more than enough to cause suicidal feelings. The loneliness made everything worse. The only person who was always there to put her arms around me and tell me that everything would be okay was gone. Without her, there was only silence. It filled every waking second. The drone of the TV or music didn't drown out the screaming in my head for long.  Looking back, I now realize that only another human voice, a caring and friendly voice, could have calmed the storm in my mind. But I didn't believe I deserved to be around another person, even if there had been anyone.  I suffered alone in that screaming silence.

 

Kara was one of the kindest and most compassionate people I have ever known. Her life was about helping those in need. It didn't matter who or what their problems were, she was always there for friends and strangers who needed help.

 

I still have problems, like everyone does. But things are much better for me than they were. I look forward to the future again,  I have plans and dreams. I live my life in a way that I hope Kara would be proud of.  I know she wouldn't want me to suffer...

 

I found love again. I didn't think it was possible that I would, and definitely didn't believe that anyone would ever love me. I do love her, with all my heart.  We're in a long distance relationship. Sometimes I feel like I'm letting her down, because I can't be there with her right now.  I want to be, more than anything.  But I can't. 

 

After years, I'm still trying to build a new life.  Part of that is because I didn't try for so many years, and the rest of it...  I don't know...  Maybe I'm just not good enough.  I can't work as hard as I could when I was younger.  I'm overwhelmed by stress and bills.  I get lonely sometimes.  I fall into depression, and it takes days to crawl back out of again.

 

I've been depressed for the past few days, probably due to nightmares, lack of decent sleep and stress. I admit that I've wondered a couple of times lately if my girlfriend would be better off with my life insurance policy than she would be with me.  I'm not going to give in to my darker moments.  I promised my girlfriend I wouldn't give up.  I already feel like I let Kara down, I'm not going to disappoint another woman I love, not if I can help it. Things get so hard though, and I don't always feel strong enough to get through it.

 

Anyway...that's part of my story.  I'm glad this site is here.

[Lisa]

I'm glad you posted @Locksley Sending a virtual hug. I hope you'll post whenever you want.

[ColSavMama]

Hello. I was just introduced to this website by a very kind gentleman who found me by chance. I had posted on a page on facebook about being a widow, and he messaged me with this link. How wonderful to have a place to go and speak to people who understand. I've yet to find that in the real world.

 

I am the mother of two children. We lost my husband on December 13th. It's still very fresh, very new, very painful for all of us. While I will never understand the reasoning, I know that I have to be strong and live life for my children. Regardless of how hard it is.

 

I just wanted to be sure to come and introduce myself. I am now going to go poke around on this site a bit. I did see some forums that look like they are where I belong. I want to thank the man that lead me here, Justin I believe is his name.