Cancer Wids?

[Blue14]

Reading though all your stories, my heart breaks for every one of you. Fuck cancer.

[Par4]

Adenocarcinoma.  It metastasized to his liver, his whole abdomen was full of it. He felt a little punky in April, was diagnosed in May and was gone in June (2009). He was scheduled to have a port placed on Monday,  but he didn't make it, he died on Saturday instead. Completely unexpected. I was so very angry with the Dr's  (still am when I can't keep the thoughts at bay) because they never did anything at all to help him. No treatment, no pain management,  NOTHING. Just test after test, then passed him off to the next Dr.  We were so helpless & had no idea how sick he really was.

Yes fuck cancer!

[66etype]

Michael was diagnosed with a very aggressive renal cancer late  November 2011... there was no rallying on his part. It was straight fucking downhill. He died 6 months later. Watching him die was painful and emotional. I am almost at my 3 year mark and am quite surprised by my blueness... I have been quite sad and it has surprised me. Fuck cancer!!!! Hugs to all of you who lived through this awful scourge!

 

Tracy

[Eddienhp]

Stage IV kidney Cancer. My son was 3 and my daughter 5 months. It was a rough road mainly due to my inlaws reaction of the diagnosis. SIL wanted to be in control. Mind you, she lives in another country! My husband abandoned us. He eventually came around months later but the damage was done. He turned his back on his children including one with special needs. I wrote him a letter telling him how our son lost all of his hard earned speech. My husband didn't react at all. He continued to go on trips, lease a new car and rack up a ton of debt. Even though I wanted to leave with the children, I stayed. I knew my SIL would not be there in the end. I also decided I would treat my children's dying father with respect. It was the right thing to do. 21 months after diagnosis I was with him at his last moment. That gave me  peace. It also was a valuable lesson on how to handle discord for my 19 yo step daughter.  3-1/2 years later she and I remain very close.

 

My grief can be complicated. I loved him. We enjoyed a good life even if it was a little disfunctional. My life was better because he was in it. For that, I will be forever grateful.

 

Eileen

[smabify]

I guess I should add my story as well, especially since I started the thread.

 

DH was diagnosed with MEN2B, a syndrome that attacks the endocrine system, at age 7.  By that time, it was too late.  He had medullary thyroid cancer.  By the time we were dating, at age 20, it was clear it had metastasized, but we weren't sure where it was.  He went through several neck dissections, taking out cancerous lymph nodes.  The surgeries were horrible, but also effective at keeping the cancer manageable.  We were told that although there were likely to be many more surgeries needed, his quality of life wouldn't be affected overly much, and that he could live to 60 or 70 years old.

 

After our first daughter was born, he never felt very well.  He was constantly fatigued and said he felt "funky" (I rubbed off on him for that language!).  More tests were ordered, and they found a pheo located on his left adrenal gland.  Operation in December 2011.  We came home from the hospital christmas eve. 

 

He never really recovered.  Sure, he was up and about a little bit, but found everything to be a ton of effort.  He would go in to work (as a landscaper), and be sleeping in the office.  Throwing up out of the door of his truck.  He made every effort, but couldn't seem to get better. 

 

In late January, his bowels decided to stop moving.  They just quit.  Another surgery and a bunch of drugs made them go again, but that was kind of the beginning of the end.

 

March 21 saw us back in the cancer hospital for more tests.  This time, a mass was found in his liver.  They admitted him to hospital to biopsy it, and results came back that this was the thyroid cancer we had been watching for.  Another surgery was just not realistic - there were so many nodules in various parts of the body (spine, pancreas, lungs, gallbladder, intestines...) that if they started taking things out, they would never stop.    There was a promising new drug just come onto market which would possibly shrink the tumors, but it was going to take a while to get it.  On Friday, April 13th, we were sent home from the hospital to wait for the drug.

 

While we were at home, things went downhill quickly.  Organs started shutting down.  Pain was unbelievable.  He were given  a pain pump which would give him constant morphine, however he had to drag the stupid thing everywhere.  I lost count of the times I would tell him not to take the lamp out of the bedroom, because in his confusion, he would think the lamp was the pump.  I was on call 24/7, doing everything for him.  I was also caring for a 16 month old girl with gut issues who was not sleeping through the night, and 7 months pregnant.  To say it was horrible was an understatement. 

 

He turned yellow from liver failure.  His kidneys were shutting down.  His blood work showed a lack of several vitamins and minerals his body was just not producing anymore.  He had trouble getting oxygen into his lungs. 

 

But we got the call.  The drug was coming in!  We expected it to be available in a week.  May 10.  However, this was a version of a chemo drug.  With failing organs, was it even worth it to try?  I refused to make any decisions until I had to cough up the money for the drug.  We had a week.

 

On May 9, it became clear that the drug wouldn't work.  Organs were shutting down, toes were becoming black.  Technically, Colin shouldn't have been alive anymore.  The next night, we had our final conversation.  He said that he was tired, and he wanted to go home.  He wanted it to be over, he wanted to die.  I kissed him, and told him he had done well, and it was time for him to rest.  We talked of the baby, and decided on her name.  We said our final I love yous, and then he fell asleep.

 

A nurse was staying the night at our home, for I had finally broken.  I slept in the spare bed, for I was exhausted.  But that night did not go well.  Colin was walking to the bathroom, though all indications were that he should not have even been able to walk.  He refused help, wanting his dignity to the end.  The nurse had to almost carry him back to his bed, with him fighting her every step of the way.  It was his one last fight.

 

By the time I woke up, he had surrendered.  He was in a coma.  I spent most of the day laying beside him, holding him. The nurse came by many times that day, sure he would be gone.  Also sure that I probably wouldn't call, since it was not an emergency. And then, at 8:20 in the evening of May 11, 2012, he was gone.  He went peacefully, in my arms. 

 

I loved him.  Forever and for always.  Even if he left me with a 16 month old, 7 months pregnant.

 

My girls both inherited MEN2B from their dad.  I am terrified that this will happen again, even though they have each had their thyroid out.

 

PS - sorry this is so long. I guess I really needed to get it out.

[imissdow]

pancreatic cancer. He had the wipple surgery and they told us he looked great. A couple rounds of chemo some radiation and they told us he was good to go and cancer free. He died of cancer  a week after the doctor told me that. Made it 10 months from his surgery.

[Guest Bear1956]

Laurie started to have symptoms of MG in 1993 or 94, which we ignored like idiots. Diagnosed with MG and a Thymoma, which had already spread to the left lung and intestines, in 1997. Very long surgery and died twice on the table. Four rounds of chemo and then wait and see. Cancer came back in 2004 as an inoperable tumor in the liver. (Laurie had lost her job and insurance in 2002 because of 9/11 so no job or doctor's visits for close to two years). Laurie died maybe 10 months later.

[canadiangirl]

((smabify))  I posted in the introduction section.  The battle lasted 4.5 years and it WAS a battle. adenocarcinoma poorly differentiated and too many mets to mention.  I am not "over" the trauma of his final days, and I don't know if I ever will be. 

[donnak]

bladder cancer here ed was diagnosed in in april of 2010 lost his battle nov 14th 2010

[ManutesGirl]

DH died from an extremely rare form of thymic carcinoma.  It had a neuroendocrine component but was not a neuroendocrine tumor.  We were married 5 months when I took him to the ER on January 6th due to severe abdominal pain.  After a chest/ab CT the doctor came back and told us he had a large mass in the mediastinal region, tons of nodules on both lungs, tumors in his liver, pancreas, etc...  His health had been declining rapidly but we weren't prepared for a terminal diagnosis.  That date is seared in my mind forever.  After 4 months on home hospice he died in October 2011.  Never expected the in sickness and in health, till death do you part be forced upon us so soon.

 

While DH was sick I often had people say I don't know how you do it and it's so much work, don't you need more help.  It was exhausting but it was just the life we were living and I really didn't think that much about it.  Looking back now I can see what others were saying to me.  I can't believe I (we) did all we did and kept things as normal as we could for as long as we could. 

[Out_of_the_Blue]

So sorry to hear how cancer has robbed so many of us.

 

My husband died of brain cancer within four months of diagnosis at the age of 51. It was horrific.

 

[jlp]

My husband died four months after being diagnosed with Stage IV kidney cancer.

[Becks610]

Brain cancer.  He had glioblastoma multiforme.  I still hate to write it out. 

 

Big hugs to everyone.

[Patti404]

Bob was diagnosed with Acute myeloid leukemia AML at the end of Nov 2012 and fought a hard battle to which he lost on 4/4/2013 a little over 4 month later. We were only given positive outcomes from doctors so we had no talks about what would happen if he did not make it.

It will be two years since he has been gone and it still does not seem real.

[Baylee627]

I'm unsure if I qualify for this thread due to a bit of diagnosis ambiguity...but glioblastoma is the only diagnosis that the neurosurgeons could reasonably make.

 

DH was discovered to have an enormous brain tumor which pervaded his temporoparietal lobes. A biopsy and a lobectomy later, and they still couldn't reach the crux of the tumor. The area of highest uptake on his scans had always been the center of his brain. The pathologists couldn't be definitive with the surgical specimens.

 

They felt it was a glioblastoma due to the gliosis, cerebral edema, structural distortion, and midline shift along with the neurophysiological symptoms he experienced.  They estimated his survival to be 1 to 3 years.

 

He made it 1.5 years exactly.

 

Baylee

 

 

[MamaZ]

Undifferentiated cancer (rare);  89 days from discovered to gone, Oct 30, 2006. He was 42, I was 41. Our kids were 6 and 9 YO. Complained of chest pain in May. Without even looking at or touching the patient, the doctor "diagnosed" GERD. D had a stage 1 melanoma removed in 2004. Why no follow up, or concern?After three weeks of pain, it stopped. We never even filled the GERD prescription.

 

In July, pain resumed. This time, doc pressed on D's sternum (D yelled in pain). Ordered CT SCAN. Lemon sized mass at top of heart, inoperable and already mets to bone. We got one round of chemo in after numerous rounds of pathology to try to categorize the cells to direct treatment. The chemo made D too weak to withstand any more. He walked to the doc office that Tuesday. By Thursday he was quadriplegic, by Saturday, gone. He was still himself to the end. It was so quick that he had not lost any hair yet.

 

That Tuesday, I told the kids the cancer was going to win, eventually. On Friday, I futher explained that I meant DEATH. We were unsure if we would get Christmas or even Thanksgiving with him. I never dreamed he would not see Halloween.

 

Worst moment of my life, even worse than witnessing his final breath (was asleep on morphine due to breathing trouble), was telling my children that next day. I would clobber anyone who harmed my kids. I had to hurt them worse than they ever imagined in telling them of his death.

 

F--- cancer!

[patriciad]

Stage IV non small cell lung cancer.  He was diagnosed(finally!) on Dec 18, 2008 after having had symptoms-weight loss, anemia and fatigue for 7 months.  Had had workups and dr visits including oncologist during that time but nobody took the time to listen.  Attributed it to some phantom virus.  He fainted in November, had a cough after Thanksgiving, went to the dr and was diagnosed with bronchitis.  He had hip pain(thought he injured it during a yoga class).  I sent him back to the dr after the antibiotics for bronchitis didn't work and told him not to come home without an X-ray.  They found a spot on his lung.  The CT scan showed a tumor and I knew long before the PET scan was done that he had not injured himself in yoga-he had mets to bones and brain.

137 days from diagnosis till he died.  Chemo, radiation and a million treatments for all of the horrific side effects.  The dr said that he was getting better-the tumors were shrinking.  He died before the next round of chemo was due. 

I sometimes look back and can't believe that I lived through that.  It seems completely surreal even now, almost 6 years later.

 

Pat

[Brenda]

Stage 4 pancreatic cancer.  Less than four months from diagnosis to death; from "perfect" health to nothing that quickly.  She was amazing throughout, and I'll never forget the dignity she exhibited in the face of utter hopelessness.  Fuck that disgusting disease.

 

Seems like there's a fair few pancreatic cancer widows here.

[JeanGenie]

Stage 4 pancreatic cancer.  Less than four months from diagnosis to death; from "perfect" health to nothing that quickly.  She was amazing throughout, and I'll never forget the dignity she exhibited in the face of utter hopelessness.  Fuck that disgusting disease.

 

Seems like there's a fair few pancreatic cancer widows here.

 

Brenda, My husband died of colon cancer but by BIL (his brother) died of pancreatic cancer.  He was 53.  He was experiencing some lower back pain.  3 weeks from diagnosis to his passing.  He passed a month after my husband.  Cancer sucks....

[Brenda]

Brenda, My husband died of colon cancer but by BIL (his brother) died of pancreatic cancer.  He was 53.  He was experiencing some lower back pain.  3 weeks from diagnosis to his passing.  He passed a month after my husband.  Cancer sucks....

 

That it does.

 

I'm so sorry to hear about your losses.  Makes the three months I got with my wife (to say goodbye) sound like an eternity.

[Butch]

my Wife Pauline died jan.26.2015 , from a rare form of Lung Cancer Synovial Sarcoma , she was diagnosed with stage 4 back in February 28 2014 , by the time it was discovered it had spread to her lymph nodes, she was just 41 years old when she passed, I was her primary caregiver/extreme caregiver , we live 30 miles from the nearest hospital, she passed away in the Palliative Care unit of the Hospital after being admitted only 3 days earlier , she was admitted because her lungs were filling with fluid and collapsing , they put in a drain and kept her heavily medicated so she felt no pain, she had a DNR on her medical file , there was very little they could do for her except keep her from suffering, my wife and I spent the last 3 days talking about our lives together, our son, and what Heaven must be like, nothing was left unsaid between us , I miss her so much , the loss of her is still very hard on me and our son , he is 13,

[MrsMisterman]

My husband died from a previous " 100 % cured" stage 1 cancer of his uvula.  His uvula! Stupid little piece of flesh hanging in the back of your mouth, serving no purpose. Like your appendix. Vestige organ. Useless.

 

He died within a month of " oops, sorry not cured" of a stage 1 mouth cancer with what? 93+%  5 year survival rate. We were the statically unlucky 7 % .  The small percentage no one pays attention to.

 

If the boogie man is coming for you, he is coming. Doesn't matter what you eat, drink, smoke, or do. Doesn't matter if you have insurance or not. Doesn't matter if you live in the boondocks or within a stones throw of the best of best hospitals.

 

If the boogie man is coming, he is coming.

 

[quovadis]

Multiple myeloma. Six weeks after diagnosis, while planning for an autologous stem cell transplant, he got a catastrophic HSV1  encephalitis. (from viral conjunctivitis). Severe brain injury and dementia resulted, so no stem cell transplant... He lived 3.5 years from the date of his diagnosis. Sigh.

[retiredminer]

pancreatic cancer, was told not curable stage 4  she fought for 11 months, suffered more than I realised. What was really hard was she became confused. 5 days before she died she woke up and couldn't speak just yes or no thankfully that improved later. She spent the rest of her life in hospital, her respertory system shutting down. Even then she wouldn't speak of dying as she was going home no way she wanted to die in the hospital.

[Guest DebW]

My husband died in May of adenocarcinoma of the oesophagus. He went to our doctor in Jan 2014, went back 4 times and she finally sent him for a gastroscopy in September. It had already spread to lungs and spine, he was never offered surgery and was palliative care only. He died 8 months after his diagnosis. I spent every day with him, I held him when he left. He was 41. We have 2 children, they were 8 and 10 when he died. It was horrific and haunts me. Fucking cruel and he fought with grace and dignity - a better person than I will ever be. I loved him even more for the way he handled it.